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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » is he playin with my mind or his own?

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Author Topic: is he playin with my mind or his own?
unluckyNlove
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me and josh started going out august 21 last year, we had the PERFECT and im not kidding when i say PERFECT relationship. He couldnt get enough of me and vice versa. December comes (we go to the same school) and he wants to seperate temporarily so he can concentrate on school and he PROMISES we'll go out again. the day he was goin to ask me out again, a jealous girl started a fight between us. he almost hated me. after a while, THEY go out, then when he realized she was using him he broke up with her and she lied to everyone and said he threatened to kill her therefore almost gettin him kicked outta school. i stood by him through the whole thing. i helped him stay in school. then i find out she had made him lose trust in all females, therefore ruining us forever. near the end of the school year he asks me on a date, then another then another until we automatically know where we're gonna be on fridays. he does all romatic things, we make love alot and we start to fall in love all over again. he started drifting. his friends got mad that he never was with them and was always with me. he started hanging out with them all the time. i was left in the cold, but not a day went by when he called and said he loved me. my sweet 16 comes and he spends it with me, but didnt get me anything, not even a card, i dont care, i guess he didnt have the money. the next day he immediatly stops calling me , we havent talked for days. a week ago i went to the er. i had to have emergency surgery done. my mom called his mom and told her. when i woke up i found out when his mom told him about me he freaked out and almost started crying. when i was released i called him and he told me he was sorry and he sounded so sweet and sincere. he said he had to go and that he loved me. i havent heard from him since. except once, i called and he was about to leave to go to the mall and when i asked him what he was doin that day he snapped and yelled at me saying "your not my keeper". he wont call me now. i tell his mom to have him call me every day, almost every hour. but he never does. i feel that i know he loves me, from the reaction he had of me being in the hospital, and that he may be afraid of loving me,out of lack of trust. but another side says maybe he doesnt want anythin to do with you anymore. can you help me? what do you think?please help
Posts: 48 | From: Independence, Missouri, USA | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lilnerd
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As much as I wish I could, I can't tell you how he feels. Talk to him in person. Tell him you're confused, and that you're concerned about his wishy-washy attitude. If he can't give you a clear answer as to how he's feeling, then it might be a good idea to step back for a while.

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Cypher
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This boy is obviously very confused.

I suggest confronting him in person. You deserve to hear the truth. Just ask him to tell you what's going on and accept whatever he has to say. He may have some inner issues he has to work out on his own. Otherwise he may be scared off by a relationship. You can't force him into anything so if he tells you that he'd rather just be friends then you're going to need to respect that and move on. But, on the other hand, perhaps he's just shy.

Talk to him.

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unluckyNlove
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you know, MY mom HIS mom AND you have all said the same thing. but its so hard to do it. i dont want to back out of his life. thats one thing i promised him is that i would always be there.

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unluckyNlove
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anyone else have anything , any advice to give me?
Posts: 48 | From: Independence, Missouri, USA | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
John Doe
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It sort of sounds to me like he is very scared of being in a close relationship. He was obviously burned big time by that other girl. To a guy, that sort of false accusation can have the same ability to trust another that a rape can have on a girl. Even though you have stood by him through all of this, it sounds as if he has been traumatized by the whole incident. It sounds like he likes you a lot, but is terrified that he will get hurt again, and so every time he feels himself getting to close, he has the need to back off. its not about you, it really is about him and how he is coping with the situation. It sounds to me like he could use a theripast or some sort of support for what he has been through.
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unluckyNlove
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quote:
Originally posted by John Doe:
It sort of sounds to me like he is very scared of being in a close relationship. He was obviously burned big time by that other girl. To a guy, that sort of false accusation can have the same ability to trust another that a rape can have on a girl. Even though you have stood by him through all of this, it sounds as if he has been traumatized by the whole incident. It sounds like he likes you a lot, but is terrified that he will get hurt again, and so every time he feels himself getting to close, he has the need to back off. its not about you, it really is about him and how he is coping with the situation. It sounds to me like he could use a theripast or some sort of support for what he has been through.


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unluckyNlove
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thanks that does make alot of since... but believe me he is not the type that would go to a therapist so im still stuck.
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John Doe
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If not a theripast, how about a clergyman, or some teacher that he really trusts. I'm just throwing out ideas here.
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unluckyNlove
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he not the type to do any of that he is just stubborn i think. i know your tryin to help, thanx for all of it
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John Doe
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Maybe you could get him to hang around this place?
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unluckyNlove
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yet again, not possible, he doesnt own a computer and he only gets on when hes over here. but get this!!!!! he CALLED me last night!!!!!! is this a good sign?? i mean i havent called him in about 2 weeks, and he actually called ME for a change. i hope this means something
Posts: 48 | From: Independence, Missouri, USA | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
John Doe
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Yes I would say that it is a very good sign. At the very least it means that he still wants you as a friend. Be the best friend you can be for him, and hopefully things will pcik up again. Don't press him to hard on his feelings, but be there for him when he does want to open up about what he has been through, and let him know that you will be. He may just need to take it slower than you would wish for at this point. He may be one of those guys who has a hard time expressing negative emotions.
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unluckyNlove
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what is happening!!!everytime i think its goin good something else happens! his little sister called me cuz she wanted to talk to me and he was in the backround saying "oh i need to call heather back" i mean, his mom said that no girls ever called there, that i dont need to worry, then when i asked his sister who he was talkin about she said, "mom made me promise not to get in the middle of you two, but i have to tell you the truth, he gets calls from millions of girls everyday, girls he works with." what is happeneing???? what is goin on? why is his mom lying to ME? she told me she'd never want to see me hurt. why would she lie?
Posts: 48 | From: Independence, Missouri, USA | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilMissK
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Well, if she said that she never wanted to see you hurt she probably didn't tell you to protect you from it if that makes sense? well anyways, i had very much the same problem with a guy i liked. now i don't want to sound mean or anything, but being overly possesive of a guy drives them away. they don't like that unless their name is jeremy but we won't go into that. anyhow, i used to get upset over other girls that called him, other girls he was friends with, his girlfriends and i'd call him everyday and basically threw myself at him. now i knew that he loved me in a platonic way and maybe thats how this guy is. because me and the guy that i'm talking about went out and things had happened after we broke up and stuff. ok so, heres my suggestion, if he wants to be your friend, let him come to you. otherwise, leave him alone. pretend that he never existed and most all, get over him. if a guy can't see how great you really are, they arn't worth it. really.
*Kat*

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"For, you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow." -Rosemonde Gerard


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unluckyNlove
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i just guess im not really that great. this is my 15th ex in 5 years. what is it thats wrong with me, this guy used to tell me how perfect i was, now he doesnt even say he loves me anymore. it used to be a ritual almost. i knew it was just plutonic when he said it, but now he quit. i dunno, maybe its my fault i cant keep a guy in love with me, grrr. but i love josh soooo much, why cant i just have the one thing i want???
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LilMissK
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heh. i've had 24 ex's in less than that. there's nothing wrong with you. besides, ur like what? 16?? i'm 15 almost 16. now is NOT the time to find ur soulmate. move on with ur life. have fun and don't worry about it. remember, if it was ment to be they'll come back. and if it wasn't then why should you care?? ur 16!!! have fun. don't worry about it hun. really. love!
*Kat*

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"For, you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow." -Rosemonde Gerard


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unluckyNlove
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i know i should be having fun, but im a dependant depressant. i need connections with pple. i have to know someone loves me, i cant be alone, or a drive my self crazy. i dont know what to do
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LilMissK
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therapy? um...do what i'm doing. say to urself 'i am going to be by myself and learn about me and love me'. you can't have agood relationship unless you love urself and are comfortable with who you are. i am taking a break from this yucky love stuff because i need what u need. to learn to be alone. its hard. i know. but its good for u. character building.
*Kat*

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"For, you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow." -Rosemonde Gerard


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SolitaryTear
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I don't have all the answers for ya hun although I wish I did, but I can say from experience that you're being way too vulnerable and showing him that you can't live without him so he's (in my opinion) taking it to his advantage. I know it's hard to confront him face-to-face, so what I suggest, is you snail mail him and tell him "Hey look, I'm confused, and you seem confused too, but I'm confused because you're confused, so how about this, if you want to be with me then you will make up your mind and be with me or not be with me, but stop leading me on. I know you care for me in some ways because of your reaction, so I'm not giving up completely on you...." etc. Just tell him that you're there for him, but you're not going to be used. Hope I have helped.
Sincerely,
Amanda

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unluckyNlove
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hey, guess what, we finally talked for a good half hour tonight and we talked alot of things out, and we kinda decided to stay friends for a while. i really think thats a big step forward dont you???im so happy at least we're making progress you know? i hope this thing gets better soon. :P
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unluckyNlove
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ok forget what i said! now hes telling me hes with this girl and that girl and that girl and this girl and tells me unless i drop my friends he dont want anything to do with me friendship or anything so i told him "f*** you!" and walked out of his life. im proud of standing p for myself
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towel42
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You should be proud. He sounds waaaayy too confused to be in any kind of a relationship at that point. I agree with what another member said, about how he was probably traumatized after the false accusations. But if he can't stand up and realize that he has issues, and that they are affecting someone he's supposed to love, then he isn't worth the frustration it gives you.

I'm 16, I'll be 17 in April, and I've never been in any relationship with a guy. It sucks at times, but its better than killing yourself just to maintain an unhealthy relationship. You're taking a step in the right direction...give yourself at LEAST six months where you can just reflect on yourself. Get to know yourself, it pays off, and any future relationships will be much better for it.

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"Christina Aguilera tried to make out with me! But I shut her down!" -Joel from Good Charlotte. Its a loooong story. ;)


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unluckyNlove
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GOD THIS GUY PISSES ME OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok last night i had a bomb threat at my work and it made me realize exactly how short life can be. i realized i didnt want to die while pple hated me cuz thats not how i wanted to be remembered. i hope u understood that. anyway, so i called him because i saw his name on my caller id and thought to myself it would be a good time to talk about things. so i called and told him who i was and he was kinda sleepy sounding but he said it was alright, so i started to talk to him. then outta nowhere he said "i still love you". i was so shocked i started to cry happy tears. then i said " what about your girlfriend." he said what gf? and i replied "melissa tanner" (my name is melissa too)and he turned around and said "who is this?" thats when i new he thought he was talking to his gf melissa not me. my happy tears turned to tears of grief. thats when he really woke up and was all alert so i dont know if he knew what he was doing or it really was a mistake. then he started putting me down all over again and told me i was phsyco and crazy and dumb and all this crap. why must he do this to me? what does he gain from hurting someone like me over and over again????

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BruinDan
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quote:
Originally posted by unluckyNlove:
what does he gain from hurting someone like me over and over again????

He gains exactly what you gain by calling him...nothing. Forget him completely. Life is short, there's no doubt about it...but don't complicate things by continuing to communicate with someone so hurtful, as you would only be getting yourself hurt in the long run. You don't need or deserve that kind of treatment, so let it go completely. While I understand about wanting not to be hated and wanting to be liked and appreciated, you are obviously not going to get that with this person...so you should stop trying and let it all go. You will be glad you did.

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unluckyNlove
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now hes even more confusing! see lately he's been trying his hardest it seems to brush my hand with his, to rub up against my butt or try anything to lightly touch me. 4 TIMES TODAY HE RUBBED HIMSELF AGAINT MY BEHIND!!!! usually i would think accident, but 4 times?? then he stares me down like nuthin. he saw me give this one guy a hug and so he thought he would yell "f*g" to him... JEALOUSY!! grrrrrrr. the bad thing is when he rubbed *himself* against my butt, it still turned me on. even after all this crud i get sexually aroused by him. this is bad huh? its nice to think hes the jealous one but i dont wanna be confused about it like this. hes only done it since i started dressing more girly and provacativly (see i lost alot of weight and he hasnt seen it since we stopped talkin to eachother b4 i did. im so happy, im thin!!! )so i dunno if its just making his hormaones kick into gear or if he realizes what he is missing out on :P what do u guys think??
Posts: 48 | From: Independence, Missouri, USA | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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