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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » moving on but still some heartache...

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Author Topic: moving on but still some heartache...
vballgrlie17
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Hey everyone,

I think you're all kinda familiar with my story, since I've posted about it like 25 times, lol.

So, in short, my boyfriend of 6 months and I broke up in April and I was absolutely heartbroken over it. I loved Mike more than anything and it came as a shock. We said we'd be friends but that didn't quite work out. In fact, we don't talk at all anymore. It's very sad that we went from loving each other so much and talking all the time to having no relationship at all and never talkin.

So, after months of crying myself to sleep over him, I started to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. I am satyin very busy now and have a lot of fun. I've reconnected with a lot of friends and even have a few guys that I'm interested in. I am happy now, happier than I've been in a long time.

The only thing is, there's just this part of me that's missing. It's like this emptiness. I like hanging out with this guy Sean, we always have so much fun. I like him and am attracted to him. We kissed the other night and it felt nice, but there was just something missing. I don't really know what to do about this. I know that I still have feelings for my ex but I desperately want to move on with my life.

I've done everything that I thought would help me get over him, everything that everybody I've talked to has ever suggested. I kept busy, hung out with friends, met new people, took up new hobbies, found some new guys to hang out with and possibly be interested in. What more can I do?

Do you think that it would help to try to have some sort of relationship with Mike again? Would the emptiness go away if I didn't feel so horrible about the way it turned out with him? Or do you think it will just make it worse? Or will I just have to wait on this too...like everything else, will it just go away with time?

Please let me know what you think. Thanks.

------------------
*Love always,
VBallGrlie17*

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way,that some poems don't rhyme and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." ~Gilda Radner


Posts: 28 | From: Mass. | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
blackbird
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Odd...I'm partially in that kind of situation right now. Anyway, if you guys tried being friends and that didn't even work out, I think that that should be telling you something. It's like how the saying goes that if you can't even be friends, how do you expect to be lovers? It's hard to say though since I don't know what the circumstances were that you guys broke up over.

The emptiness that you're feeling inside, you have to figure out if it's Mike that you miss, or just having someone taking that place in your life. That's a very special place in your heart that is feeling very empty right now and it probably will be until you find someone else. Not necessarily to take Mike's spot, but to fulfill your emotional void that was created when you two broke up. And since you're attracted to Sean, who knows..maybe he'll prove to be a suitable partner and you might be even happier with him than you were with Mike.

Getting over someone really just takes time. From my experience, it's either one day you wake up and you just feel "normal" again without that aching need for someone from your past or you meet someone else who is really great one day that makes you happier than you have ever been your entire life.

Best of luck though. I know it's hard.

------------------
"1970 called. Al Pacino wants his car back."


Posts: 354 | From: san mateo, california, usa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nookiebabe16
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yes! someone else! Okay my story is exactly similar to yours...i broke up with my bf of two years in March. I have a new boyfriend Kevin who loves me to death, but I still hold onto the idea that me and Jon are meant for each other. It WILL take time. Some days i think im over it, but other days Jon comes online and tells me he still loves me and he wants to try again. I know I dont want to be with him, but I do in a way. Uughh its weird! I cant explain it but you WILL get over it i promise Good luck hun!
Posts: 58 | From: Massachusetts, U.S.A. | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
blackbird
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Nookiebabe16, it kind of sounds like you weren't ready to get into another relationship if you're still thinking about your ex.

------------------
"1970 called. Al Pacino wants his car back."


Posts: 354 | From: san mateo, california, usa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nookiebabe16
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Yes Im ready. Kevin has helped me realize Jon wasnt right for me, and secondly this post is about vballgirlie, not me. Thanks
Posts: 58 | From: Massachusetts, U.S.A. | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
blackbird
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Okay..it sounded like you were a little unsure about whether or not you still had feelings to be with your ex, that's all.

I don't think that whoever starts a thread, the entire thread has to be centered around them and only them.

------------------
"1970 called. Al Pacino wants his car back."


Posts: 354 | From: san mateo, california, usa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
vballgrlie17
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Thanks guys...
I think I will give Sean a chance and see where that goes. He's a great guy so we'll see what comes of it.

Just for your info blackbird, the reason Mike and I broke up was really weird. Things were a little sketchy in our relationship lately. It was't going badly per se, just a little rocky. We'd been fightin over stupid things. Things also weren't the same as they used to be...we still liked each other a lot and were attracted to each other a lot, but we just weren't ridiculously crazy about each other like earlier in our relationship. I knew that this would happen, it's just the way a relationship progresses. Mike didn't seem to get this. When I brought up the fact that we'd been fighting and I just wanted to make it better, we ended up havin a long convo. Mike said that he didn't understand what was happening with us, why things were different and he needed to think so he wanted to take a break. It wasn't really what I wanted, but if he needed time to think then I'd give him that time. I couldn't stand not knowing what was going o so I basically ended up forcing him to make a decision. We broke up. He said that he still loved me but wasn't in love with me. He said that if he were to be in a relationship with anyone it would be me but he just didn't want a relationship anymore.

So, we broke up rather amicably I guess. There was no name calling, a huge fight, cheating or anything horrible. It was still terribly hard though. We still went to my semi formal and his prom together and then after that, we just distanced ourselves from each other. We don't talk now.

So, I think I'll just try to move on and see what happens with Sean, but do you guys think I should try to have some sort of friendship with Mike? It's so hard to go from having so much with him to having nothing at all. Do you think it would benefit me to try to re-establish something with him or would that just end up being worse?

Thanks again.

------------------
*Love always,
VBallGrlie17*

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way,that some poems don't rhyme and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." ~Gilda Radner


Posts: 28 | From: Mass. | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
blackbird
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There doesn't seem to be any bad feelings between you and Mike, so I think you should go ahead and try a friendship with him. You broke up on good terms, you still get along, why not try it? Those seem to be the kind of ex-boy/girlfriends that end up making the best friends to you in the long run. I think that it's really cool though that he was at least honest with you on how he felt. I personally feel that if he was not in love with you, but kept the relationship going, then it would do nothing than hurt you in the end. I get the impression that even though you're not dating Mike anymore, he wants to be in your life and be there for you, just not as your boyfriend. He sounds like a really great guy.

------------------
"1970 called. Al Pacino wants his car back."


Posts: 354 | From: san mateo, california, usa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
vballgrlie17
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Well, there AREN'T bad feelings but there ARE...I know I'm contradicting myself but it's just one of those weird situations...

Like, we did leave it pretty well but after prom we stopped talking. Mike more or less pretends that I don't exist. Sometimes I talk to my friends about the good times I had with Mike, things that make me smile. He never talks about me at all. When we see each other I always have to say hi first. I talked to him online the other day (I initiated it) and so far he hasn't tried to talk to me. I also find it hard to be normal around him...like I can't laugh and joke around like I do around everyone else. I just have all this hurt and it's hard to act normal.

I'd love to try to be friends but I just don't know if he will. I mean, with all these mixed signals, I just don't get it! His words say one thing and his actions say another....arggh, it's so confusing.

PS...I went out with Sean tonight. I had a lot of fun. I think I'm starting to like him


------------------
*Love always,
VBallGrlie17*

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way,that some poems don't rhyme and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." ~Gilda Radner


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blackbird
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That seems to almost be a pattern with guys named "Mike." Just because I know of a Mike that's just like that. I mean, I'm more comfortable and "myself" with people I've just met. I don't really get it. I know there are other great guys named Mike. It just seems a weird coincidence that the person you talk about and the person that I used to date are both named "Mike."

Although in my situation it's odd because he's the one who calls, tells me all about his new girlfriend and it's just stuff that I don't want to hear. Then if I tell him anything about what is going on in my life, he laughs about it. I don't get it. I was away last weekend and he called right before I left. I told him that I'd call him when I got back, and I haven't yet. I'm just not interested in talking to him right now. I get this weird feeling when I do because it's like I have to do all the talking and he just sits there. Sometimes I want to really just tell him "why the hell did you call?" But now I'm in some weird limbo thing. It's like I know that I don't want him, but I'm not all too sure where to go from here. But the way that I figure it, this is going to be some time for myself. He's been bogging me down for the past 1.5 years and really, I feel free for the first time. I'm not dating anyone right now, but with some people I've met in the past few months, I've realized that there are WAY nicer and more compatible guys. As much as I loved Mike, I'd probably really have been miserable with him because we don't like to do a lot of the same stuff. His hobby seems to be hanging out with his friends and doing all sorts of drugs. I had no problem really with it, but some of the drugs was stuff that he'd never get me to do. Plus, I'd rather actually do something. I like watching tv and he can't stand it. We have very little overlap in music taste. And as much as what he said, he never really put any effort into spending time with me. It was like a few hours here, a few hours there, if it was convenient for him. Plus his huge ego was more than I could really take. I'm just hoping that he won't call again and get some idea in his head. I'm doing the same exact thing that he did to me and other girls. He just stops calling them.

But I know what you mean about the weirdness of an ex that's sort of hanging around. I think maybe you shouldn't worry about it as much and don't put as much effort into it. It's really hard, but my friend "Paco" (his real name is Tong-Quoc.."Paco" was his nickname in Spanish class) advises that you shouldn't put more into any kind of relationship than you're getting back. If he contacts you, fine, then go with it. But if you're the only one communicating, then it's probably best to just let him go.

That's what I'm doing right now that I decided last night. I'm not going to put any more effort into any of my friendships, etc. than what I'm receiving. I'm tired of being the one that has to do everything. I think that was something that was affecting me earlier this week. Last night I spent 9.5 hours for the first time in months and I finally feel more refreshed. Something was zapping all my energy and I think that was it. So whatever. If people are not going to be even a friend to me like I am a friend to them, then let them do the initiating if they really want me as a friend. I'll be friends with everyone, but I decided that I'm no longer going to go an extra two miles to be there for them when they aren't there for me.

Sorry I ranted off a little about my situation. But you and I seem to be in a very similar boat.


Posts: 354 | From: san mateo, california, usa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Qt4everNB
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hmm...u want to be friends with Mike...well look this is my opinion about this...and this is wat i went thru just tryin to do that with my ex b/f...it might not be wats gonna happen with you..but since u want opinions i'll give u mine...i was going out with this guy named louis..wow our relationship that point in time was wonderful..we talked for hours on the phone..we couldnt let go of eachother when we were together..we couldnt stop thinkin about eachother..then all of a sudden..less phone calls..less sign of affection i mean we still were ok but it all wasnt the same..we used to get into the littlest of arguements(stupid things)...we broke up..it was a clean but sad break up...we talked about wat was goin on? i mostly talked about this...i mostly asked"baby wats goin on ..wats wrong with us..Y does it seem like were growing apart?" and asked him if we are breakin up...he goes he needs sum space to think about it..so i gave it to him even tho i didnt really want to let him go...we told eachother lets still be friends..but it never came to that..

I ALWAYS called..i did everythin to make this friendship work...it only hurt me more to think he dont want anything to do with me...i will initiate the hellos in the hallways..and i the good bye it hurt so much just to think that..It took me more than 6 months to get over him..i seems quite pathetic but i was in love..and when i love you do the stupidest things...

But im not sayin this can happen to you maybe he does want to be friends..u guys had a good relationship b4 and can have a friendship and about sean u go girl.. but u no..give it a try..its bad to have said sumthing and fail...but its worse when u wanted to and said nuttin at all...u might fail but then again u might succeed these are words of my good friend Justin...Right now im over Louis..and I met this guy ..

With this amazing guy..he loves me completely..and it seems with him i cant live without and the same goes with him...everyday is a special day with him...everyday seems to totally count...Im really in love this time..and that empty feelin..that empty gap..is all gone..jsut needed time...time heals...well time healed me and this guy healed me even more he filled that huge gap..and im in heaven..

To u i wanna wish good luck and sorry for it was too long..c ya ma...my bad to put my story of my borin life to you lol..muahz ma...and take care...

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*~*~Jacky~*~*

[This message has been edited by Qt4everNB (edited 08-10-2001).]


Posts: 20 | From: Guttenberg, NJ,USA | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
magpie
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I haven't been in a situation exactly like this, but I do think I have some advice for vballgrlie17. My first boyfriend broke up mostly because 1) we were apart for more than a month and we didn't stay in touch and 2) we just lost intrest in eachother and 3) he spent more of his time flirting with my friend than me. So anyway, we broke up mutually and there were no hard feelings and I there was no hole in my life. I started dating my current boyfriend a month later.

Anyway, about the still being friends thing. That's what Erik and I said. But we would try to talk or hang out and there was nothing to say or do and we ended up loosing contact. Then he started sending me email and IMing me with stuff like "i don't think we should have broken up" and "i'm sorry will you take me back" all the while he knew I had a serious boyfrined. Well, we broke up nearly a year ago, and we're still working on the friends thing. We will be webmasters for our school's website together this year. That has forced us to spend some time together. And just yesterday, we actually had a casual conversation about each other and it was good to know we are finally getting along. It was not very personal; we talked about our jobs and school and marching band. But we're getting somewhere.

On to my point... Give the friends thing plenty of time. It may work in a month, a year, or maybe never, but never take it out of the question. I know it's hard sometimes becuase you don't know what to do or how to act, but someday it will work out or you will know it just won't work out.

Good luck,
magpie


Posts: 286 | From: Ames, IA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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