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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » love..

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Author Topic: love..
Member # 783

Icon 4 posted      Profile for ash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
well, my b/f said that 4yrs ago he really loved a girl and he said "i love u" to her.. later she had sex with his good friend.. he got hurt pretty bad and didnt go out with anyone for 3 yrs..
now that i'm going out with him, he thinks that i might do similar thing like his exg/f.
he told me thats why he never want to tell me how much he loves me or anything to do with love..
i know wat had happened to him was bad but i donno how to make him understand that i'm not like that.. how can i explain to him that love isnt a bad thing and its OK to share his feelings with me?

Posts: 102 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 312

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sallynha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think I am a bit like your boyfriend. My first (and I'd say only) love hurt me bad too, in many ways, and I think I never got over it.

I was in a relationship after that that ended last week, and I felt I was never able to "risk" and use the love words, because I was afraid I was giving too much of myself to a person that was bound to hurt me like my ex-boyfriend had done. That was mainly the reason I decided we should break up.

Now my advice would be... let time heal his heart. How long have you 2 been together? Just be his friend and tell him you understand how he feels, and love him as much as you can so he feels you really really like him and would never do something like his ex did because you do care for him a lot. Tell him that endless times if you want... and most important, don't say you are upset because he doesn't say he loves you, that will only make him feel pressured, and frustrated with himself.

Try to ignore the fact he has been hurt and try to make it up for him, showing him how you truly feel, and that will slowly encourage him to do the same.

Just show you apreciate him being with you and you don't need a sentence from him to make you love him more than you do now

Respect and understanding are the keys, and time will take care of the rest


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Posts: 390 | From: * my own little shell * | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2050

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sallynha is right honey. The only thing you can really do right now is give him the time he needs to heal and recover and trust.

Talk to him and tell him that you understand why he feels the way he does about love but to think that you will be like his ex is not very fair to you because you have not done anything to hurt him.

But be patient. This could take some time and the best thing you both can do is to be open to each other and communicate lots so you know how each other is feeling and what the both of you are thinking about.

Let him know that when he is ready to let you know he loves you, you will be there. You cannot make him think or do anything sweetie. But you can give him the time and support he needs.

Good luck sweeto.

Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1881

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Cypher     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've been in a very similar situation. But instead of being in your position I'm in your boyfriend's. I've been emotionally scarred in many different ways by many different people and the outcome of that has left me very untrusting and fearsome of intimacy and love.

I can't even begin to count how many times I've tried to push my boyfriend away and pulled away from him when he's reached out to me. I'm incredibly hard to get close to, but he's stuck in there for over a year and now I hold no reservations about telling him I love him or being affectionate with him. It's become natural and it's evolved from our connection. Patience and understanding are the way to go.

Smile, though your heart is breaking....

My crazy little universe....

"Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there....
With open arms and open eyes...."


Posts: 289 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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