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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » used...and feeling terribly

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Author Topic: used...and feeling terribly
Member # 1902

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3 months before i knew my soon to be and current boyfriend, i had an encounter with a sweet talker. he talked me into doing sexual favors for him, all the while keeping me in the idea that we'd be together for a long time. after a while, i just stopped, i guess my head cleared or something, and probably right before i wouldve done something i'd have regretted even more. i did have oral sex with him. i feel terribly about this, because i was naive enough to let him do it, and that i couldnt share that first time experience with a boyfriend i love dearly. i know it bothers him some, and we have talked about it, but i still wish i could tell him something that makes both of us feel a little better about the whole thing. any suggestions?

To love someone is to trust them with your heart, and know that while they have it, nothing can harm it.

Posts: 59 | From: Mountaintop | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
John Doe
Member # 3836

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Maybe something along the lines of,
"well the first time isn't nesciarilly going to be the best time, that other guy was just practice, you are the real thing." The experience with the other guy was as significant as you make it to be. You can't change the past, so it would be a good idea not to dwell on it.

Posts: 475 | From: ohio | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1194

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I know that just about everyone in the world at some time regrets doing something or other with another person. It happens. It was an experience. You learned from it.. and now you know that sharing something like that is more meaningful if it's with someone you care about. If your boyfriend feels insecure about it just reassure him that it was before him, and that, in fact, you regret it. I'm sure he'll understand.

"Why worry about STD's? Public lice is so cute!" *that's sarcasm*

Posts: 543 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1881

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I know this sort of thing can be really hard, but unfortunately it's in the past and there's nothing you can do to change it now. Maybe it would be better if you and your current boyfriend sat down together and talked the whole thing out and got everything on the table. Clearing things up without pressure sometimes makes a world of difference.

I think the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to confront your past and figure out some way for yourself to put it behind you. It's water under the bridge, so to speak and sometimes these things can be hard to let go of. You just need to make peace with them.

Smile, though your heart is breaking....

My crazy little universe....

"Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there....
With open arms and open eyes...."


Posts: 289 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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