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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Cohabitation Q's

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Author Topic: Cohabitation Q's
Country Girl
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Member # 3380

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Hi ya'll -

I am interested in knowing your thoughts on cohabitation. Are you doing it? Why? How long were you dating before you decided to cohabitate? How old were you? How is it working out? What did your family think?

Thanks bunches!
CG

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"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

Care to read my thoughts?


Posts: 80 | From: VT | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lisa D
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Member # 389

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Hey Country girl!

My fiance and I have co-habitated for over four years, and are getting married next year...

R. and I had been dating for year when we decided to move in together. It was just getting ridiculous to pay for two apartments when we spent 6 days a week together So, we took the plunge. Although I, nor my partner, are religious, i come from a religious family. They weren't too pleased with us moving in together, but I was26, supporting myself, etc. I just told them, respectfully yet firmly, that this is what we wanted. It took them a few months to come around, but they did, and it was fine. All in all, I think they respected the fact that although they are, and always will be my parents, I was willing to set boundries, make decisions for myself, and be independant. Honestly, some parents might not be so understanding, but if you're supporting yourself and are of legal age, they should at least respect your decision.

As far as living with your partner goes; personally, we have always loved it. Sure, there are things to deal with that aren't always pleasant (division of household duties, financial stuff, etc.) but that isn't any different married or living together. You discuss, you compromise, you agree to disagree - Basically, it boils down to being mature, understanding, and willing to listen and not always be right...

I see living together before marriage to be a very, very good idea. Honestly, it really allows you to decide if you do want to commit your entire life to this person or not. The routine of day to day will really allow you to see a persons true habits and personality. Cetainly, one should much rather just live together and decide if they are in the right relationship for them as opposed to tying the knot, making it legal, and then coming to the realization that this person isn't the right choice...

If you have any other questions, just ask away.


Posts: 442 | From: Dublin, OH USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Country Girl
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Wow...kudos for you, Lisa!

Reading your message felt as though I was talking to my boyfriend about it as we have said those exact same things towards it. I have thought it a very responsible measure to get other's opinions on it and see what worked and what did not, however. I am so glad that you replied... it really helps when others confirm what we believe and that we don't have these crazy, ridiculous ideas.

From what I have observed, there seems to be two general categories of people who cohabiate. First, there are those couples who are living together for the sake of living together, to share expenses maybe... Secondly, there are those who are looking at it as more of a trial period coming either with or before engagement but with more of a long-term focus on it. Note that a couple in one group can evolve to be in the other...this is just generally speaking what I have noticed.

As far as my scenario goes, I am almost 20 and am in college just not away. This is due to the fact that it is primarily an online college program. While I love the program, I just haven't been able to be independent and begin to sever the ties from my parents. That's been really tough on me AND my boyfriend of over a year now. For this summer, I have opted to go away to work. I'll be a few states from home and my boyfriend but my boyfriend and I both feel that this is a big step for me and our relationship as for me to leave home, I have to first be able to prove that I can be semi-independent. Somehow, in my parent's minds, they see me living at home for the next three years with day-trips for my boyfriend and I being the only way to get to know each other.

HOWEVER, my hon and I beg to differ. Staying at home for the next few years (which I am NOT), then geting married after I graduated would be probably one of the silliest things that we could do as we feel that we would only know each other on a weekend basis, rather than day-to-day.

I know that my situation differs from yours... I am younger, have little money, and no independence... but I still feel that down the road, this is something that we can make work. My boyfriend and I BOTH want it to be as a prelude to engagement and marriage....to see each other on a more day-to-day basis (he lives over an hour away). He is older than I at 26 and has been out on his own for a long time now and would be helping out on expenses until I am able to take over my portion. We have a wonderful relationship and both really feel that we are in it for the "long haul"... however, marriage is an important decision and we both want to make sure that we are ready for it. This is the person that you are going to spend forever with and you have to be satisfied with that decision. I know that some of you don't believe in marriage or find it useless... to me, though, it is a symbol of commitment. This isn't to say that living together isn't a commitment, by any means... this is to say "I am pretty sure that this is who I want to spend forever with... but I want to know you on a more regular basis and be certain."

Congrats to you for figuring out how to work things out with your parents! I know that my parents won't be happy at first, as yours, but I think that they could move on after they realized that I am an adult and capable of making my own decisions reflecting upon my life. The problem with living at home is that as long as I am HERE... they will still treat me as if I am still a child. Oh, the joys.

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"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

Care to read my thoughts?


Posts: 80 | From: VT | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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