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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Less Conventional Relationship Models?

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Author Topic: Less Conventional Relationship Models?
Member # 39628

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Freya137     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Heya just wanting a bit of feedbakc really

I'm currently in a sexual relationship with a boy i met at univeristy three months ago. We had a first kiss, went on several dates, hung out with each others friends and after about two months started having penetrative sex.

my query is over when the rest of you start to define yourselves as a 'couple' or 'in a relationship.' we've never sat down and said 'you are now my boyfriend' or changed our social networking sights from 'single' to 'in a relationship' etc

this doesn't actually bother me at the present. But my friends seem to be waiting for it to happen and constantly ask me 'are you two official yet?'

I think the reason I'm holding off soemwhat is that at the end of the year the boy i'm seeing was forced to leave our uni after failing his exams. We live 3 hours away and i go to uni about 7 hours from his. We have been visiting over summer and we have contact all the time. so i guess i'm still figuring out how this could continue to work out.

I suppose the pressure of being an exclusive boyfriend/ girlfriend freaks me out. I feel that under these conditions we'd feel the distance was too much of an issue and split up.

Sooo is anyone out there in a relationship that is somehow a bit different? An open relationship for example? or a monogamous relationship in which you don't see each other that often?

the distance doesn't scare me too much, in a way i quite like the idea as i have so much to focus on in my own life but i still very much want to be involved with him.

Thoughts? Personal anecdotes?
I think I'd just be grateful for a chat!!


Posts: 36 | From: Warrington , England | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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At this point in my life, I think there are very few relationship models I haven't been in.

Ultimately, I think your friends approach is mostly about maturity and exposure. In other words, they're clearly seeing relationship models as something very limited, probably because they haven't been exposed to a lot of diversity in that respect. When people get older, and have more exposure, they'll tend to just ask what your relationship is like, or what kind of model it is rather than assuming you're either married or not married, boyfriend/girlfriend or not. Know what I mean?

I'm hearing you saying you don't want an exclusive relationship with this person, or right now. And it sounds like you're pretty self-aware about what you want and need, which is great. Might you be able to explain to a friend or two that their idea of "official" (and they probably don't fully know what that means when they say it, too) just isn't right for you right now?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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