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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » after sex issues

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Author Topic: after sex issues
Member # 3084

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This is more of a mental issue, I'm not sure if you can do a whole lot about peoples mind, but I'll give it a try.
Me and my girlfriend have been having sex for a little while now, like a month, or actually a bit less, maybe 2-3 weeks, we've had sex 3 times, heres the problem, after we have sex, like right after I feel weird, like I just want to be alone, and I dont want to have any sexual interactions, I dont know if you get the right picture, its kinda hard to explain, I'm not repeled by her after sex , not exactly, that sounds so harsh, but its kinda the case, I do love her , (to a 14 year olds knowledge of love) and she means alot to me, and I am definatly not going out with her just to "get some" because this happens after I masturbate to, I just feel so repeld by sexual activity, but I dont want this, I want to be able to have sex with my girlfriend again and again, not like mad wild all night, but I dont want to just make love and then.... stop and go home, i want to be able to lay with her, and make it a night, is there anything you can advise, if you dont quite get what I'm saying, then say so and I'll try and alaborate.

Posts: 3 | From: mississauga, Ontario Canada | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 100

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Relax and let it pass. It is normal to feel a "letdown" period after sex, particularly after orgasm. Sex can be very intense and it is a very intense physical and emotional rush... so it is not surprising that there is often an equally intense swing in the other direction.

It will pass in a few minutes' time, usually. Just relax, take a few deep breaths, and perhaps think about the good things and the things you enjoy about being where you are in that moment. Making small talk with your partner can be helpful. So can just closing your eyes and meditating for a few minutes. Usually, once you give your body a chance to recalibrate itself, you'll feel much better.

Don't hold yourself to unrealistic standards. Different people react to sexual activity in different ways, and these things can change over the course of our lives. There is nothing wrong with you if you are not a 24/7 sex machine, there is nothing wrong with you if you sometimes don't feel like being sexual, and there is nothing wrong with having sexuality be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster sometimes. All these things are pretty darned normal.

Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!

Posts: 1538 | From: boston, ma, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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