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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » gals:wil you cheat on your bf?

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Author Topic: gals:wil you cheat on your bf?
tipdarb
Neophyte
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i'm jus curious if you girls out there will cheat on your bf?you know,two time a guy.it it always the 'men' who will cheat on their love ones,but do woman cheat on their love ones? and if you do,why?

Posts: 3 | From: eropagnis | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fortigirl
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ok, i have cheated before. but, i eventually ( 2 hours after i committed the crime) broke down and told the my guy. he forgave me and said i could understand your situation. but other than that, i have never done it again.
Posts: 24 | From: a place y'all have never heard of! | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hanne
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Know what? It's possible to have interactions with people other than your partner -- even romantic or sexual interactions -- and have it not be cheating.

All it takes is honesty. Some people (myself included) have relationships where we have decided, along with our partners, that sometimes it is perfectly okay to have romantic or sexual interactions with other people, as long as everyone knows what's going on and everyone agrees to a set of ground rules that my partner and I have negotiated between ourselves.

It's called polyamory. Women do it, men do it, transgendered people do it.

So, for whatever it's worth, there are OTHER ways to have relationships, and even ones that might LOOK like "cheating" to people who don't know what's really going on, that are not cheating at all.

Cheating is about lying and dishonesty and doing something you told someone you weren't going to do. That's all. Which means that it depends an awful lot on what rules you decide to make for yourself in a relationship. Many people are in relationships where monogamy (no sexual or romantic interactions with anyone other than your one particular partner) is considered the rule that must be followed. But that doesn't mean it's the only option.

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Hanne Blank
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Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!


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karina582
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heheee...i dunno if you call this cheating, but this guy (who've I've been jocking for like 5 years) finally decided to ask me to go out. But cause of his poor timing, I was with someone else. So, I had to choose between the guy who I kinda loved and the guy who i would love to get to know. So i broke it off with my bf and like two days after i broke up wit my bf, I went out with him. I dunno if you consider that as cheating though... But the reason why I did it was not because of the fact that some guy who I've been jocking for like five years asked me out. (That reason gave me strength to break it off) I "in a way cheated on him" cause I realized that I wasn't in love with him anymore and cause he pushed way too hard for physical satisfaction. (Sorry trying to writing things in PG-13 cause I don't want Miz Scarlet to get into trouble). In the end, it didn't work out between the guy and me...so now I'm single again, but I never regretted the decision to break up.

PS: Just curious...Fortigirl: Did he forgive you? Or did you guys end up breaking up?

[This message has been edited by karina582 (edited 03-05-2001).]


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Gumdrop Girl
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no. not me.

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Kill your TV! And while you're at it, your mobile phone, too.


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daisygirl
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i don't think i could cheat on my boyfriend. even though he's far away and i go to a huge university... i cannot see myself cheating on him. i love him... and i know that he loves me... and for me, that's enough. so no... i couldn't cheat on him. he's my first love... and i think the relationship we have something incredibly special and i would never want to do anything that might make me lose that... because i'd also lose one of my closest friends... golly, that sounded really cheesy, but that's just the way things are with us. and plus, we made a promise when we decided to try the long distance thing that if we ever met someone else, we'd tell each other because honesty is hugely important to us both.

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i'm gonna clear my head, i'm gonna drink that sun. i'm gonna love you good and strong while our love is good and young.
--indigo girls


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Lin
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I wouldn't. Honesty and trust are very important things in a relationship and once that is betrayed, the relationship simply crumbles.


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loveable me
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What kind of a committment have the two of you agreed to? And if you haven't, what do you think he expects from you? Don't make a commitment you can't keep and if you can't make a commitment try to be open about it.

Maybe you are just not ready to be with only one guy. That's OK, but be honest about this.


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glitter695
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No, I dont think I could cheat on my boyfriend either. My boyfriend and I have been thru a lot together and I love him dearly, it would just be too much. You ever hear that "The one you gave away will be the only one your wishing for." I think that if I cheated on him I would totally regret it and want to have him back. I know that if I did cheat on him he would break up with me, we talk about all this stuff.

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't" -Erica Jong<~~~no thats not me :)

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Rizzo
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Would I cheat on my boyfriend? No. Would I have semi-intimate relations with somone other than him? Possibly. I have held hands and flirted with other people. But like Hanne says, if you're honest with each other about it, and both agree on boundaries, it's not really cheating.

How'd they come up with that term, anyway? Cheating... sounds like love's a test or something


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Sallynha
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For a long time in my life, even before I had a boyfriend, I thought I'd never cheat on him... until the day it happened...

After reading Hanne's post though, I found that maybe what I did was not cheating, because I "cheated" my boyfriend with my ex-boyfriend, and I felt so bad afterwards it was only a couple of days until I told my boyfriend what I'd done... so... my ex knew I had a new boyfriend still he wanted to flirt me, and I didn't feel like saying "no"... after I said my boyfriend he was obviously very sad but he told me it he wouldn't want to break up with just for that, and I promised to never do that agai...

In my case I didn't want to cheat on him, I had never had such ideas, but it just happened,... there are some times in our lives that we just loose control in what we do for a couple of minutes and only when we wake up we realise what we've done.

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~~~~Sallynha~~~~
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SlowCookie
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I can't cheat on my boyfriend, no way. If I did want anyone else that badly, I would break up with him first. I would owe him at least that much. I've been on the other side, it's not fun.

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Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.


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glitter695
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quote:
Originally posted by Gumdrop Girl:
no. not me.



Poor Gumdrop, babe I hope you feel betters soon.

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't" -Erica Jong<~~~no thats not me :)

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*


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Heather
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As a note, what Hanne was referring to did not include simply doing things because we can't control ourselves, or because we just do them.

What Hanne was explaining involved honesty, foresight and having an *agreement* with whomever you are with that it is *okay* in various circumstances (per whatever your agreement is) to have other partners.

And those agreements, understandings and that honesty -- before the fact, not afterwards -- is really what divides the polyamorists from the "cheaters."

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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alaska
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My partner and I have agreed that we're monogamous, so no, I won't "cheat".

My relationship is where I want to be right now, and if I wouldn't want it to be the way it is, I wouldn't have it this way.

In the past, I've had polyamourous relationships, and while that worked relatively well (but should have involved more negotiations - handling more people than one is a lot of work), monogmaous relationships work better for me and are where I feel more comfortable. So,no cheating for me.

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"I am capable of, but sometimes not interested in making myself happy."


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emsily0
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i have cheated on one boyfriend. once. a long time ago. i kissed another guy. but it was a weird situation, because i sort of hated my boyfriend, and he was cheating on me i think - in any case, we weren't speaking much - and i had liked the other boy for so long. he was so cute!

it was a stupid situation. i shouldn't have been with my boyfriend in the first place, so i feel justified. yes, it was cheating, lying and dirty and such, but i didn't mind at the time. it was a long time ago.

stupid, stupid.

em

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Love is a word that is constantly heard
Hate is a word that is not.
Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
Love, I have read, is hot.
But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
And love but a drug on the mart.
Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
But hating, my boy, is an art.
-Ogden Nash


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volatility
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currently i'm involved in a polyamorous relationship - my first. the decision to be polyamorous is mostly because at the time when my partner and i hooked up [a month ago] i was [and am] semi-involved with another friend of mine, and seeing as i'm entirely interested [equally] in both of them, i felt that it was the best solution for the situation. so far nothing has happened yet outside of my relationship with my partner [including with my other friend] but we'll see what happens.
anyway, my answer is no. i've been cheated on and i know how much that hurts. i've made a conscious decision to never cheat on someone. i will break up with them, be polyamorous, etc., but i won't "cheat" on them.
i understand where some people who have "cheated" are coming from, and i empathize with the situation. it isn't something i would entirely condemn a person based solely upon, for sure. but honesty is something that's incredibly important to me in any type of relationship and i don't want to screw that up.

if you want to see/have sex with people outside of your relationship, i suggest bringing it up to your partner and talking about possible [non-manogamous] solutions. if you just want out of your relationship, do that part straight and then you won't have to deal with a guilty conscience.

good luck.
xo.


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1100101
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hi there, well, i'm a guy, and i love a girl too as well she loves me.. well, the matter of cheating is something that you and your partner must be conscious for.. you two must have responsability, if you guys have that you'll trust in each other, and the feeling of that probable paranoid will be gone.. if you feel paranoid about your partner could cheat on you, then talk to her, tell her to promise she won't cheat on you.. and that she'll be strong to that.. i mean, we all assume that our partner will never cheat on us, so knot yourself to her with a promise, a very very strong one. That will make you happy as well she'll be too.. hum, i've read no replies, i hope not to have said something already said.. cya
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Cypher
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Nope. Not a chance.
Posts: 289 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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