Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Am I wasting my time and heart???

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Am I wasting my time and heart???
brokenheart
Neophyte
Member # 2703

Icon 1 posted      Profile for brokenheart     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
OKAY WELL I'VE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR 1YEAR AND 3 MONTHS. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS MY HEART JUST BY THE THOUGHT OF HIM LEAVING ME FOREVER...WELL ACTUALLY WE'VE HAD MORE THAN A FEW BREAK UPS BUT WE ALWAYS FORGIVE AND FORGET BECAUSE WE SWEAR THAT WE LOVE EACH OTHER. WELL HE LOVES SOCCER(HES BEEN PLAYING IT SINCE HE WAS LITTLE) WELL I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD TO PICK BETWEEN SOCCER AND ME WHAT WOULD HE PICK AND AFTER A LONG SILENCE HE SAID THAT HE COULDNT LIE TO ME AND SAID SOCCER (
NOW I DONT KNOW HOW I SHOULD TAKE THAT, OR HOW TO REACT...SHOULD I JUST END IT EVEN IF IT WILL BE PAINFUL FOR ME BUT IT'LL JUST GET WORSE IF I CONTINUE TO LOVE HIM WHEN I KNOW HE WOULD LEAVE ME FOR SOCCER OR SHOULD I JUST CONTINUE TO BE WITH HIM AND ENJOY THE TIME TOGETHER??? AND JUST SO YOU GUYS KNOW WE ARE SENIORS IN HIGH SCHOOL BUT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME TO BUT IM NOT SO SURE ITS THE LOVE I THINK. SO PLEASE HELP ME, I DONT WANT TO KEEP ON LOVING SOMEONE JUST TO GET HURT AT THE END.THANKS

Posts: 7 | From: oakland,california | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Why did you deliver an ultimatum in which he had to choose between being with you and playing soccer?

(Feeling like I'm missing some of the story, here.)

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
brokenheart
Neophyte
Member # 2703

Icon 1 posted      Profile for brokenheart     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
WELL IT WASNT A KIND OFF QUESTION OF DECIDE NOW!!! I WAS JUST TALKING TO HIM ABOUT THINGS AND I JUST DECIDED TO TEST HIS LOVE FOR ME BUT AS IT TURNED OUT I GOT A COMPLETE DIFFERENT ANSWER TO WHAT I WAS ACTUALLY EXPECTING
Posts: 7 | From: oakland,california | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
StarryRedhead
Activist
Member # 607

Icon 1 posted      Profile for StarryRedhead     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think you should spend less time testing his love for you and just enjoy what he gives, stop focusing on the "what will happen when? Or if?" And remember people are people, they aren't perfect and not everyone is going to love you the way you want them too.

Why do you think he would leave you for soccer? It seems to me like it's just something very important to him. Be thankful he was honest with you and that he has something he's passionate about. Support what he loves, I'm sure you knew how much he loved soccer before you two started dating.

To me, it seems like you might be making a big deal about nothing. But if it's bothering you that much, maybe you're not as sure about the relationship and your feelings for him as you think you are. Just a thought....

------------------
}{*Starry Ali*}{
"You just close your eyes slowly like you're waiting for a kiss, and hope some lowly little power will pull you out of this..."


Posts: 367 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Honestly, I sincerly hope that if I ever test my partner that way that what he tells me is that it isn't fair to do that.

Because it isn't. Loving someone is part of a persons life -- a whole person -- not something which should preculde them from having a life.

"Testing" love is generally a bad idea. Honestly, were I you, I'd call and make quite the apology and try and have an honest talk -- without tests of mind games.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kdxnate250
Neophyte
Member # 2771

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kdxnate250     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If my g/f asked me if I would rather be with her or ride my motorcycle I wouldn't answer. If I did answer I'd say my motorcycle. But its not fair to put someone on the spot like that. Its like saying, would you rather be with me or spend time with your sister. Not quite but I think its somewhat comparable. So, as a reminder for all the ladies out there, don't put you're guys on the spot like this. We're generally stupid and we'll probably say something stupid that'll just make you mad so keep the peace and don't even ask.
Posts: 26 | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
whoa, if i had to pick between dating me and soccer, i'd pick soccer, too. then again, i love the game. and a new pair of cleats is cheaper than a night out at the Cheesecake Factory.

anyway, i'd freak if i were put on the spot. i always freak when i am put on the spot. like Miz S said, relationships are only a part of existance. and i doubt you've read any Kierkegaard -- he says that life should revolve around an unconditional commitment, like love or something. anyway, i think he's bunk.

he loves you, you love him. i think for now, just try to get along.

hmm, on a similar argument, if i had to choose between my boyfriend and med school, i'll take med school. that's a matter of priorities. i put career over relationships. i'm not the type to pick a school so i can be near him or make him move out to wherever with me. it's sort of the same deal. me or soccer? med school or him?

i guess right now, i don't think a relationship should take that sort of priority.

------------------
Kill your TV! And while you're at it, your mobile phone, too.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
Activist
Member # 2050

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If I asked my guy, he would probably say soccer too.

But you know what, I wouldn't ask in the first place. Because I am on a totally different level from soccer. I'm not a sport. I'm a human being. And as everyone has said, it would not be fair to put him in such a position.

He shouldn't have to prove his love for you. I used to do that to my guy all the time and I would get upset for nothing if he gave me the wrong answer (ie not the answer I wanted).

Does he treat you well sweetie? Are there problems in your relationship?

Maybe you need him to prove his love because you feel he isn't affectionate enough or maybe you are insecure. Ask yourself what is the reason and when you have got the answer, talk to him about it and find a solution.

There really is no point in creating unnecessary trouble for yourself sweetie. If you have a problem, talk to him about it instead of issung such ultimatums. They never work. Trust me. I'm the queen of Ultimatums.

And hon, could you take the CAPS Lock off. I feel like you are screaming at me.


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3