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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » staying with my man out of GUILT?! :(

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Author Topic: staying with my man out of GUILT?! :(
luxury_problem
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Member # 4508

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hey. ive written before about me and my boy on here. kinda of. and this next post is gonna sound really bad to them becuase they were about being really close and stuff, but now i dont think im so sure. my boy is my best friends, weve been at college together for a year and been going out for four months now, a buit ago i was wanting the relationship to go further but nowi cant let that happen if im this unsusre.
basically i feel i love him to pieces but im attracted to other guys, and the bad thing is it is one guy in particualr and its ALOT. hes called Rich and i work with him, and hes told people that he likes me and tried to arrange going out before but ive alwasy said no, but i really like him! i realise this isnt fair on my boyfriend, and ive tried splitting up with him twice, but in th end his reaction makes it too hard for me and it gets passed off as a drunken slip. but i think i tend to speak the truth whne im drunk. Sometimes i really juts dont fancy him, nad i dont even have the motivation to kiss him. whereas wen i think of rich i feel all .... excited! ya know? and i havent had that with my boyfriend,. mabey its cuz we were so close for 8 months first and now we have been togetha for four months adn this is just what happens at this stage? and it just get boring at this stage? you know....ive never been in long term relationship before so i dont know what to judge it on,....but i think if i got with rich, eventually i would want my old guy back, but then it could all happen again and then id feel like id been soooooo bad to him....and i couldnt cuz i still want to be best friends with him, and amzingly close again as soon as we split up, and i klnopw i would still fancy him and there would be times i would really wananbe with him, but i miss my life of going out to clubs and pulling other guys, a bit more excitment! i am only 17, and i feel this is too long term.
i just want someone to say no- you lo0ve yopur boyfriend and he loves you, it will never be better than this and you will regret it too much so forget rich and any one else, but they wont. they'll say you know what you have to do. wont they?
i feel like whatever i feel for rich really, i cant dump my boy anyway, cuz i love him so much as amate, ic are about how bad hed feel too much, adn if he dumped me i wuold feel the most rejected ever, cuz this boy is actually MY BEST FRIENDD, so how could he dump me for some randomn girl who mentioned she ';fancied' him and he left me like that! arghh! please help. i need to get this sorted out as soon as possible, im my head, and so it doesnt effect eeither of our studies next term wen we are back at college. thankyou!!!!!!!

Posts: 30 | From: england | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilMissK
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Member # 4869

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I just got out a relationship very much like that. If you're really THAT bored and you want to date other people then see if h'ed be willing to have an open relationship. That would give you the freedom to date Rich and stay with ur b/f is you love him so much to do so. If you just want to be his friend then you're going to have to accept that he'll need some time before you guys are friends. I just broke up with my b/f. I thought that was best for both of us and we had been dating about as long as u and ur b/f have been. But I hope that this helped a little. good luck!
*Kat*

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"For, you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow." -Rosemonde Gerard


Posts: 19 | From: Texas | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
*B*
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Member # 4876

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You say that you love your boyfriend but you are atrracted to other guys. Welcome to human nature! It is part of a humans behavioural patterns to be attracted to other people, perfectly healthy and natural.

Maybe you are at that stage with your boyfriend where you feel bored with the relationship....try making things a bit more interesting. Try new things, meet new friends as a couple. Spend a few days apart with your own friends and then you will have some new interesting things to talk about.

If you feel that your emotions are strong for this other guy and u want to give it a try with him, then have the decency to break up with your other boyfriend....dont hurt him more by going behind his back.
Good luck !


Posts: 110 | From: australia | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Siouxsie
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i also recently got out of a relationship where i felt i loved my boyfriend but things had reached a dead halt and i was bored out of my little mind. i found myself looking at other people more and more and flirting outrageously. my b/f wasn't up for an open relationship, he wanted me all to himself, so i thought it was best to finish it but remain friends. try for an open relationship but i've found that they are not always acceptable to both parties and jealousy tends to creep in uninvited. sometimes it is possible to work bordom out of a relationship, sometimes you are stuck in that rut until you find someone else to get you out of it. it really depends on how you feel deep down inside, talk to him about it, naybe he feels the same, talking is the best thing you can do anyway.
Posts: 48 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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It sounds like your relationship with your boyfriend has pretty much run its course. There is definitely a time when you become so comfortable with your partner that it becomes more difficult to manufacture new and exciting things to do...but it doesn't really sounds like you are willing to undertake that. And while it is important to worry about his feelings, remember that you're only making things worse by not being honest with him. Sometimes honesty is brutal, but it is far worse down the road when your boyfriend finds out he spent months with a girl who was interested in other people. (Been there, done that)

And, for the love of cheese, break up with him before trying anything with Rich. Your boyfriend will likely be extremely upset if you cheat on him, and your chances at maintaining a friendship will be almost nonexistant at that point. Good luck to you!

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luxury_problem
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Member # 4508

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THANKYOU so much everyone who answeredthat post. i love this whole scarlateen thing so much! its so cool beong able to get this sensible nad unbiased advice, cuz its kinda hard to talk to your friends when they're involved in a way too.
thankyou.!!!!!!!! I dont think OPEN RELATION SHIPS are as common in engladnd AS AMERICA, if only! hehe... and my relationship is too serious for that. i think BRUINDAN you're right. i have to be honest. its gonna be as hard for me to accept the fact i culd finish this relationship forever as it will be for him to accept i have too.....

thankyou again!
xxxxxx

Posts: 30 | From: england | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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