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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I still can't get over him!!

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Author Topic: I still can't get over him!!
vss
Neophyte
Member # 1178

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He was the first and only guy I've slept with but I can't get him out of my head. I've tried going out and meeting new people but I keep comparing everyone to him. Its driving me crazy. Everyone else seems perfectly happy except me. People keep trying to cheer me up and telling me to get over him but its not that easy.
I was starting to forget him but then he decides to visit me (for one day- he was only after one thing!!!) Thing is if he came back over to see me again I probably would meet up with him for "one thing!!!" Maybe its just the sex I miss!!
Help me please

Posts: 11 | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hanne
Sexpert
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I'm going to move this thread to "Relationships," because I think it'd be more helpful to you to get a variety of opinions on this -- this forum is only open to sexperts, which means usually only one or two answers.

Check over in "Relationships" and see what people have had to say.

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Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!


Posts: 1538 | From: boston, ma, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SlowCookie
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If you want to get over him, get away from him. Take some time to yourself, spend it with some friends. You're not going to get over it by moping about it. If your relationship is over, then it is over. Don't think that if you continue to have sex with him, he'll realize that he loves you and will come back. Get real. Be an independent chick. If you truly miss the sex, go masturbate.

Lin, where are you? Well anyone else for that matter, I'm not too good with relationship stuff. All I know is mine is working. I'm not a big fan of melodrama.

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Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.


Posts: 681 | From: Florida, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MysteryGirl
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Well, as I took a recent trip back to the old boards ... I saw a few things I could maybe be of some service to and this was one of them.

You know, it is hard to get over your "first." It's hard for everyone, really. You have a special attachment in most cases (not mine, but most). You also have a base to compare others on, it's normal. Everyone has something to contrast.

Sex can also be addicting at the beginning. To minimize that drive you can masturbate. As these boards stress, it's a good thing to do and nothing's wrong with it.

Instead of meeting new people, try to just keep yourself busy and separate from this guy. Be with your friends when he's planning to come over, or see you.

Also, everyone else isn't perfectly happy. People hide their feelings a lot of the time. I'm sure a majority of your friends are going through SOMETHING in their life ... they just don't share.

I say try to find someone worth wild if you are so into sex at the moment. Or, just don't bother, masturbate ... he's not worth a "fling" ... sex should be meaningful ... not something you do because you have a need. You can use your hand for a need.

Hope that helped some.

[This message has been edited by MysteryGirl (edited 02-17-2001).]


Posts: 91 | From: Michigan, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
vss
Neophyte
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Thanks for the replies everyone. Im sure it will get easier...but masturbating isn't the same as the real thing!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Lin
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Goodness, I never knew I was the Queen of Melodrama. Haha.

Vss hon, I think you need to ask yourself if you can't get over him or the sex?

Really, if you want to get over him, the only way you can do it is to cut all contact with him until you know that you are over him.

There's no easy way, no magic spell to help you.

And if it is the sex, masturbation would be your magic spell.

Yes, it isn't the same as the real thing but its either that or casual sex or abstinence. And really, if you are ready to just have casual sex with your ex, no one is going to say don't do it. Just understand that you have to face the consequences that follow it and it won't help you in exorcising your ex. Oh yes and always be protected.


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StarryRedhead
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This sounds very familiar to me, and you've been given some really great advice. But I'm gonna add. I would talk to him about it first. Tell him that it is making you miserable having these one night flings and that if he's coming to visit you for that and that alone, then maybe it's best that he doesn't visit you. Sometimes the best way to overcome your pain is to remove the cause of it. And the cause of it is him. After he's out of your life you will miss him and want him, but in time, you'll stop thinking about him and life will go on and you'll be happy again. You can't expect to just "get over" him like people want you to, but you will do it gradually.

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}{*Starry Ali*}{
"You just close your eyes slowly like you're waiting for a kiss, and hope some lowly little power will pull you out of this..."


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Gumdrop Girl
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i wish i could invent a device like a light switch that could be flipped between love him/leave him and make getting over someone an instantaneously.

y'know i'd be making BANK!!!

but, as much as i'd like to flick it all on and off like a switch, i can't. there are times in my life where i wish i could. but time heals wounds.

getting over someone isn't an on/off switch, it's more like a dimmer knob

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Kill your TV! And while you're at it, your mobile phone, too.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ella
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I think that you need to take some time as a single. Obviously right now you don't feel ready for another relationship and that's fine, don't feel you need one. You need to get back into the single you. Try to give yourself some space with your ex and just enjoy your life. Writing always helps to get feelings out of your mind, so why don't you try a journal or something. And as everyone here has said, while masturbation is not the emotional closeness that your looking for it will allow a physical release. Good luck and I hope you feel better
Posts: 303 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
vss
Neophyte
Member # 1178

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Thanks everyone for the replies. Keeping him partly out my life is easy. He lives 9,000 miles away!!!!!!!
I do keep a journal but then I read back and find days when we used to communicate more than one email every two weeks (if Im lucky!!)
I tried talking to him when I last saw him (3 weeks ago) but he just says that Im one of his lovers!! (nothing like a big kick in the teeth!!) I know all this but its still hard to forget him. Everyone keeps telling me he's a complete...erm trying to think of a nice word...sorry can't think of any.. *******!! but its just not that easy to forget.

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vss
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Member # 1178

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well just to update. I got an email from him (after 3 weeks!) He explained lots of things. In the same sentence he had...we are lovers and then...he has respect for me.I don't think those go together. I know what he's like but thoughts of him just keep spinning round in my head. I wish I had never met him and saved myself for someone that cares. He obviously doesn't!!
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