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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » so it turns out I'm a coward....

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Author Topic: so it turns out I'm a coward....
Tenshi
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Member # 2210

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Hey all... I'm Tenshi.. yeah.. anyway, here I am, after another day of school.. an especially crappy day of school btw..

Ever since the course started there's been this girl.. a enchanting, intriging girl who I expectedly developed a crush on...and it seems like she at least slightly likes me too. relevant?, yes.. that was 2 weeks ago... for the past few days I found out about her personality, hobbies..etc.(it was part of the course...) and Im pretty sure we'd get along pretty well..and so I decided I'd try to at least talk to her...that was this morning..

today I was in class, thinking about it... waiting for a good time... which I was sure there were several.. but I didn't move from my chair... I waited till the end of class... I just stood there... I couldn't even speak.. inside my head was : "I have to talk to her - I can't do it..back and forth".. so in the end.. it turns out I really a coward.... this isn't the first time either... as far back as I can remember Ive been terrified of people..especially girls... I don't understand it.. Im fine around my friends... but all my female friends are 'with boyfriend'..typical... anyway..that right there proves my point too.. after all my romantic failings.. I take it out on my friends.. it's easy to get mad at them..they didn't do anything...
but then maybe as a result of this kinda stuff I'm too sensitive... heh.. I suppose by now the question's been buried under other stuff though... sorry bout that..

so Ill put it in point form..

- I feel cowardly b/c I can't talk to girls..
- do other singles feel this way too?

- As a single guy I'm irritated by my coupled friends being mushy..
- Is that wrong.. or typical?

- lastly if you want to.. or if it's allowed..or whatever.. any advice on conquering my fear would be most appreciated

- and help me stop talking so much

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"There's no bright future for soldiers who scurry for their reward"

-"Zechs Merquise"


Posts: 4 | From: Napanee, Ontario, Canada (sigh) | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Tenshi
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by the way folks.. despite the smilies.. I really do feel 'crappy' about the whole thing...
Posts: 4 | From: Napanee, Ontario, Canada (sigh) | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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Never fear ... The blue philosopher is here!! LOL

Anyway ... *cough cough* ... I don't think you're a coward, i think you're normal, whatever that is. And who's to say what's normal anyway? If you can't talk to her now, you'll do it later. You'll get around to it eventually. I'm a girl ... so i know what it's like to be on "her" side. Girls feel just as awkward as guys in those situations. But i guess i fall under the "female friend w/ bf" category right? lol And i don't think you take anything out on me (us? I can really only talk for me ... and who cares what he thinks )

So lets answer your point form questions here ...


  • You're not cowardly. Some relationships take a longer time to start than others ... start as friends and work your way up. Say "hi" to her. That's a start. Take baby steps!! First you roll, then you crawl, then you walk and maybe later on you'll even run
  • Yeah your coupled mushy friends bother me too lol! Sometimes there is such a thing as "too" mushy ... and they don't know where to draw the line. If your friends bother you (i'm hoping it's not me that your'e talking about hehe), let them know. If they don't listen to you, then they're selfish and you should find yourself better friends ...
  • I already told you how to conquer your fear. Baby steps ... that's the key. I'm gonna get you a Tshirt lol One that says "I took my first baby step" and then the date and a picture of you. I'm gonna do the same thing for me ... For my pap test, b/c i did it and i survived to tell about it! We can be Tshirt buddies!!
  • You don't talk too much ... believe me. I talk too much. Look at this post? It's probably longer than yours!! And look at some of my other posts(!!) ... I think i have verbal diarrea (sp?) LOL

Hope things work out for you sweetie


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Tenshi
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Thanks for the advice Smurfy

hmm well.. I've been looking around the bords and Ive noticed that alot of people.. girls too suprisingly..(yeah..seriously..and I know Im generalizing here but anyhoo most of the guys I know think its TONS easier for girls to find a relationship...though statistically that can't be true...)

anyway my point is well.. everyone is replying with "Just start a convo w/ her/him" which is admittedly excellent advice..but.. what about those of us (like me ) who are terrified by even the thought of speaking to them... not out of anything too strange.. for me example.. I just lag my brain out with "hows my hair, does my breath smell, anything on my teeth, do I sound dorky.. and so on" basically, "does she think I'm cool", point being, If I (anyone) can't talk to them.. how can we talk to them...aren't I irritating lol

------------------
"There's no bright future for soldiers who scurry for their reward"

-"Zechs Merquise"


Posts: 4 | From: Napanee, Ontario, Canada (sigh) | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
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But honey, if you don't talk to her, how is she supposed to know you like her? Or that you even exist.

I know it's hard. Maybe you could get a mututal friends to introduce you? Or just ask her about something non-scary like homework.

Just take a nice deep breath and tell yourself that in 5 mins, it will all be over and you would have spoken to the girl of your dreams.

And no, I don't think you are cowardly. I know the fear of going up to someone I like and talking to him. But you know, if you don't make your move, someone else might. So just go for it.

Worst thing that can happen is that she snubs you and you know, it's not thw end of the world. Chin up buddy.


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ErinK
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This is going to sound cranky and curmudgeonly, but I will first confess that I went through many hopeless crushes and trying to get friends to hook me up and being too terrified to approach people.

Anyways, if you can't handle *talking* to someone, how the heck do you think you're going to manage in a relationship with them? I mean, think about it -- relationships are based on communication. If you can't talk to the person at all, how are you going to be able to have them in your life as a boy/girlfriend?

The same thing goes for having your friends set you up (not that that's happening in this thread) -- again, is the friend going to go with you on your date and communicate between the two of you?

It is hard to get up the nerve to talk to someone -- but that's what has to be done if you really want to be with them, or at least have the chance of that. And if you can talk to them, that improves your chances of the relationship getting off the ground and lasting.

Erin


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whiteangel
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hey there
well just from a guys point of view i think its a normal feeling for i always felt the same way. even when i asked out my girlfriend i have now for when i was given her icq number i had no idea what i was going to talk to her about but between the two of use we got a great conversation going and i finally asked her out...now we have been going out for almost 5 months..
I think the main problem all guys have at first is the feeling they get for they do not know what the girl is going to say and what would the girl think of them....
i have not met a girl yet that does not like a man who can make them laugh just stay relaxed and you will do fine...good luck and remember you do not need to ask her out right off the bat start slow with a basic converstation......

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"Not all battles are won with weapons"
- Zhuge liang


Posts: 11 | From: canada | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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First off, I'd like to say: whiteangel ~ you're a hipocrite!! (he's my bf, i'm allowed to call him that )

Second ... I have to agree w/ Erin here (cranky ol' erin hehe). If you can't talk to her on your own, w/o having a friend initiate conversation, your relationship may not go far in the first place. Remember the other girl (i think her name was catherine ... it's been so long! lol) ?? How you guys went for pizza or something and everything was just ducky Wasn't that fun? Believe it or not, you can do this. You just need to get a bad case of verbal diarrea like me and you'll be just fine See? I never shut up ... muwahaha!


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XxFIFxX
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Everyone feels that way... it's like a natural feeling. God knows how many times I've felt that way. Just talk to the person, but don't say stupid random things. When you talk to your crush, pretend it's like, one of your close friends, someone you can easily talk to. If you get your mindset off of: "Oh my GOD i am going to say something dumb and they're going to hate me!" It'll be much better and the conversation will be easier. Trust me, people aren't as judgemental as they seem.

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*I wish I didn't care, but I do*


Posts: 62 | From: Los Angeles, CA USA | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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