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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » A Friend

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Author Topic: A Friend
magpie
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Ok guys I really need help on something. I have a guy friend named John. He's got a girlfriend named Meri. At our school we recently got our semester grades. John didn't do so hot. He has like a 1.2 GPA. Meri likes people to do well in school, so she's practially bribing John to do well. She says she won't kiss him until he gets an A on a test. John isn't taking this very well and I know he's really stressed out about it and he has been practially hiding from society since Meri told him this. John told me every time he thinks about Meri all he can think of is his grades. If you ask me, that is not a functional relationship. What should I tell John? Help me...
Posts: 286 | From: Ames, IA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Frankly with a GPA like that, it sounds to me like she's trying to do whatever she can to save his butt.

And heck, all he has to do is work a little and he gets kissed. What a deal!

Sounds to me like all he SHOULD be thinking about are his grades right now.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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Good for her! He obviously needs something to be motivating him, cause you just can't have that GPA...believe me on this one, I'm in college, and (for reasons mostly beyond my control) I carried a GPA that low for a semester and it nearly killed me. It takes alot of work to dig yourself out of a hole that deep. And sometimes hearing something like that from the one you love can be enough to motivate you. I know that before finals last semester I had this huge fight with my guy (actually it was like 3 days before my first final and my birthday), and I was freaking out, but then we made up. And he asked me to please do well on these finals because if I didn't he'd feel really guilty, and I didn't want him to feel bad. So I studied extra hard, and came out with 2 B's and an A in the classes I had finals for that weekend! Stuff like that can be a serious motivator!

~KittenGoddess

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"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll


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Lin
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Errmm..yea. I do that to my bf too.

Come on, I think she is being really nice about it. I would be chaining my bf up and forcing him to study.

I think she just really wants the best for her bf and if he can't see that, I think he's just not being very thankful he has such a gf.

So tell him that, his gf seems like she honestly cares about him and he better start working to show his appreciation.


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StarryRedhead
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I think he should be thinking about his grades too and he should be stressed with a GPA like that! I would be! Just so you know, my boyfriend and I don't have much of a relationship when we're focusing on school, we won't hang out, sometimes don't kiss, and if I want to say hi I'll just give him a quick call. I think education comes before relationships, especially if your grades aren't looking too good.

From reading your post it sounds like you're trying to make Meri out to be the bad guy for whatever reason, when really all she's doing is trying to help John. And I don't think he's hiding from society because Meri won't kiss him, it's more that he's struggling as far as grades. Maybe, as a friend, instead of finding ways that his relationship with this girl is bad, you could offer to help him pull his grades up.

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}{*Starry Ali*}{
"D'you get scared to feel so much? To let somebody touch you? So hot, so cold, so far, so out of control. Hard to come by, and harder to hold."


Posts: 367 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XxFIFxX
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He needs to get better grades, that's obvious. Meri means a lot to him, and she knows that. She should encourage him to get good grades, not punish him like that. He's becoming more bothered by her doing that and he's getting more distracted. tell him to talk to her about this... he needs to get his grades up tho, tell him that.

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*I wish I didn't care, but I do*


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SurfGal
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I dont think there is anything wrong with giving him a little incentive to do better. It IS proven that absence makes the heart grow fonder. As long as Meri is being nice about the whole thing I don't think it is detrimental to the relationship. Your friend needs to get his butt in gear and get those grades up!

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"Girl you can pick a field full of daisies...but he'd still be my baby!" ~Dream

***STACY***


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Gumdrop Girl
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owwie! a 1.2! He'd better be glad he's got someone looking out for him! If I was in a similar situations, I'd do the same thing.

My guy keeps me in check. If I'm gonna be late for class 'cause I'm sleeping in, he'll push me out of bed. Darn 8am classes! But I get to 'em. And on time, too!

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Inspected by Number 26


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Etch
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I beg to differ with you all. Yeah, it might be an incentive but it can cause other problems between them.

I tried withholding affection from my boyfriend before and it only made things worse. It gave him low self esteem thinking he wasnt good enough for me. When people get down like that they are even less likely then before to do good.

If he does pull his act together and get better grades it still might cause problems. You cant withhold the physical aspect of a relationship because someone does something you dont like. It made my boyfriend feel like i dont love him for who he is. Everytime he did something he thought i might not like he was afraid i wouldnt kiss him anymore.

I think that can be detramental to his self esteem which is not the goal here. The goal is to raise his GPA.

and i would like to tell you all that for the first two years of highschool my GPA was 1.9, that doesnt mean anything about my intelligence, or who i am.


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FlirtieGirlie
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I think she is doing the right thing looking out for him. A 1.2 GPA won't get him very far in life and if she can influence him in doing better in school, then good for her! If I were him, I'd be happy that somebody would like me that much to try and help me.
(Personally, I couldn't give up kissing, she must have SOME willpower! )

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Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseats cause kids! (So be careful!) Luvs to Jeremy!


Posts: 141 | From: The Bolton Ghetto, Mass. :-) | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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A good point Etch.

Perhaps the better approach might simply be for her to tell him that given how much attention he needs to pay to his schoolwork, she thinks they should justy lay off period until he really has the extra time.

Honestly, you'll find that in your life, there are PLENTY of times when you need to just vacate from a relationship so that you can pay attention to crises in your life or your job. It's part of life, and it's part of having relationships where people understand that life is multifaceted.

And for someone about to flunk out of school, I'd say this is one of those times.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
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It just seems that Meri might be using the only way she knows how to get to her bf.

Of course I dunno if she has tried anything else but then I believe that they must have talked about this. Of course if they haven't, this might be a good time to start.

I did the same to my bf and it worked. After I explained to him why I was doing it. Maybe Meri just needs to tell her bf why she is doing this and hopefully, he will see the point. O even better, maybe he can start working and studying without Meri.

I agree that grades do not determine who you are. But let's be practical about this. No University is going to allow you in because you are a wonderful person with a great personality. Of course if there is, do let me know about it.

Just like few employers are going to take in someone with such a grade point average based on the fact that he is funny, caring and has a sense of humour.

You know what...I have no idea what this grade point average thing is.


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Sympathys_Sin
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that's dumb. school is for school, love is for love, sex is for sex, etc etc. just like parents should be parents before being friends, girlfriends should be girlfriends before being parents!! but if he's so spineless that he wont tell her to back up off his grill, then he deserves to suffer. As a friend, i think you should tell him you think it sucks, and that youre bothered by the way his girlfriend is acting towards him. after that, its up to him to decide to bring up his grades for her or getting rid of her.
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Heather
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Hey you: life isn't that segmented, Sympathy, and if we dismissed all of our partners lives save the moments they spent weith us, we'd be pretty crummy partners (and pretty delusional people with a serious case of tunnel vision). Segmenting just isn't how real relationships work in the long haul.

She isn't being a parent: she's being someone who by virtue of being part of his life, is ibvested in his furture.

I'd be more worried if she DIDN'T care.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
emsily0
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yeah, i can definitely see how it might seem to this guy that his girlfriend, who is supposed to be there for him no matter what, is giving him ultimatums, and taking other people's sides when it comes to his grades. it might be really hard for him to see that she cares. it also really might seem like she wants him to be perfect, with good grades and so on, otherwise she doesn't want to be with him. does that make sense? it just might be a little harsh.

i know once when i was in like 9th grade and getting bad grades, my dad took away my phone privileges until i got an A on a math test. i remember thinking that i could *never* do that well on a test. it just made me feel worse, and i really think that just helping me with the material would have helped me more than making me angry with him. i know this isn't exactly the same situation, but i'm really not quite sure that meri is doing exactly the right thing here.

em

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Love is a word that is constantly heard
Hate is a word that is not.
Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
Love, I have read, is hot.
But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
And love but a drug on the mart.
Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
But hating, my boy, is an art.
-Ogden Nash


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reigh
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I don't quite know what to say. Presonaly having never been kissed I would love to get one for getting an A. I have struggle in school since middle school and I don't feel anything specail or really good about finishing home work it's just somthing you have to do. Mabey instead you could offer to study with him. He may loose more self esteem if you make him feel unwanted cause you can't except school is hard for him This doesn't mean you shouldn't let it slid just that you should focus onthe subjects that are hard for him and how to imporove thoughs not on the actual gpa. It would be like giving your boyfreind a scale to rate him by.

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I find a Want.
I want a Need.
I need a Deeper love.


Posts: 52 | From: Kennewick, wa, usa | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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