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Author Topic: I can't talk to guys
JackieCardew
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This is something my friend always teases me for and I always kinda laughed along, but now it's starting to bother me.

I get super flustered talking to guys I like.

It takes me forever to get up the nerve to talk to them, and then I just kinda ramble and get all flustered. Only with guys I like though, not with my guy friends and stuff. Though I don't have many guy friends.

But yeah, my friend can just talk to guys easily. She's going out with this guy now that she only knew for a few weeks before he kissed her and asked her out. And it's not like she's more attractive than me, and that's why guys fall over her. We pretty much look the same. We're actually mistaken for twins a lot.

So I'm wondering if anyone else has this problem or ways of dealing with this guy anxiety so I won't become a blushing bafoon every time I talk to a cute guy.

Posts: 6 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MusicNerd
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Hey Jackie!

I can totally relate to this. I used to get so quiet around guys/girls I liked, because I was afraid I would seem awkward around them. Then, I learned to do something which might sound a little counter-intuitive: I embraced the awkward. I've never been the kind of person that could smooth-talk my way through a conversation with someone I like; so I decided look at my encounters as being inevitably awkward, but also as opportunities to make light of them.

If I messed up on saying a word like "e-meel" instead of "e-mail", I'd repeat it by saying, "Yeah, I'll send you an e-meel" and then just roll my eyes and laugh, which led them to laugh with me. Recently, I ran into a desk. Yup, I literally ran into a desk while I was walking in a classroom. Don't even ask how that happened, because I still don't even know. *facepalm* [Big Grin] I did that in front of this girl I currently like/am seeing, and since I already looked like a clumsy fool in front of her, I said, "Well, that was smooth... like chunky peanut butter," which led her to smile and comment on how she loves chunky peanut butter.

Eventually I realized that using humor in situations that made me uncomfortable (like talking to cute guys/girls) made me seem less awkward and in fact just more comfortable in my own skin (even if on the inside I was nervous out of my mind). Just in taking yourself less seriously in talking with someone (ex. poking fun at your own trivial mistakes like word slip-ups or running into desks) that makes the whole situation seem less worrisome, in my opinion.

If the humor approach doesn't exactly sound like your thing, or something you'd be comfortable with, then maybe starting out with little things like giving compliments or positive comments could work for you. Compliments are always nice, but it should be genuine and not anything too out there like, "Wow! When you sneeze, you look like an angel. *swoon*" For example, if a guy that you like is wearing a t-shirt with a band that you like on it, you could say, "Nice shirt. I love [insert band name here]!" Then, maybe that could follow with him saying thanks and leading on to you asking, "So, have you ever seen them in concert?" or "What's your favorite song by them?" or "Have you heard their new album?" and BAM! you have a conversation rolling.

Also, if you're in the same class together, you could ask what homework assignment is due tomorrow or how crazy that killer test was you all just took.

Do any of these approaches sound like something you could try? If not, we could always talk about other ways that might work for you. Also, why do you think you feel flustered around these guys that you like? Bad past experience? Fear of a hypothetical outcome?

[ 11-24-2012, 10:15 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

Posts: 301 | From: a galaxy far, far away... | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MusicNerd
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[Oops. I posted in the wrong thread! Please disregard this post!]

[ 12-24-2012, 11:48 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

--------------------
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

Posts: 301 | From: a galaxy far, far away... | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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