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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Is this girl trying to steal my boyfriend?

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Author Topic: Is this girl trying to steal my boyfriend?
AshleyInABottle
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Ok I'm 17 and I've been w/ my boyfriend for a year and 4 months and we are very very happy together. The other day I found out that he asked his friend who is a former teacher of his (she's kinda like a mentor person) what he should do about a certain situation. Well, the situation was that a girl in his class (whom he has known.. but not been friends with..since middle school) and he has recently been talking to her and they're kind of becoming friends. I have absolutely no problem what-so-ever with my boyfriend having female friends. In fact, one of his 3 best friends is a female..and that sort of thing just doesn't bother me a bit. But anyway, so this girl whom he has known said to him in school one day, "I was thinking about calling you yesterday and asking if you wanted to go to the mall." This sort of freaked me out. I don't know..but I just don't trust this girl at all (she goes to his school and I don't, but I have seen her before). I don't think it would be weird if she meant with a group of people..but if she meant just him and her, doesn't anyone think that's a little fishy? I mean it just seems like a boyfriend-girlfriend thing to do..we go to the mall every weekend together. I just think it's fishy that she wants to hang out with him possibly just the two of them. I talked to him about it, and told him that I just have a bad feeling and that she might like him (she has a boyfriend of 2 years by the way, but that doesn't stop some girls), and he told me he wouldn't go. He didn't have his heart set on going, he just wasn't sure if he would or not. I completely trust him, I just don't know if I trust this girl. Does anyone else think this is a little odd?

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"I do what my rice krispies tell me to do"


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Heather
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Sounds to me, Ashley, like you did all the right things. You acknowledged your instincts, you told your boyfriend about them and how you felt about them, and you two made a decision.

As long as you've got your head together (and from what I know of you, you seem to), you usually can trust your instincts. I predated mall-culture-etiquette, so I can't tell you if it's a boyfriend/girlfriend thing to do, I just don't know, but I do know that there's certainly no harm in the way you handled this.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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Lin
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Oh no. That's not odd at all. I totally understand what you are saying. I trust my guy but not the girls around him.

He used to work with this girl who was also attached and she would buy him gifts, pin his foto up on her locker, call him her 'lover' among other things.

I was really pissed.

So one day I got so mad that when she called him, I took the phone over and asked her what the hell was going on. She basically said that nothing ws going on and they were just colleagues blah blah blah. I told her I was not happy with her calling MY bf her 'lover'. She said it was just a harmless nickname and if I didn't like it she wouldn't use it again.

From then on, she never called or messaged or contacted my bf. Oh, and they got sent to different branches to work.

Sometimes, if the girl does not want to back off, you have to be firm and stand up to her. You don't have to be rude but make your point. Gd luck.


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ThisGuy
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I'd say its fine not to trust her. You handled it better than I would.

As a side note to your story:
Personally, I'd say most of my closest friends are female. I tend to connect better with women, and I'd say that the way I connect with my fiance is related to this.

That said, I'd be more than a bit grumpy if she told me outright to dump my friends out of jealousy.

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Ask not why dogs sniff each others butts...
Ask instead why you do not!


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AshleyInABottle
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She strikes again.

She has attempted to get her grubby little paws on my man again. I found out yesterday that she went up to him in school and handed him a peice of paper..that had her phone number on it (both of them) and her e-mail address (lol, how middle-school like...no offense to the middle schoolers out there). I am definitly sure that my instincts were right..she's after him. He has decided to not be friends with her at all now (I didn't tell him to do this, it was strictly his decision)...but my question is..does anyone think I should confront this girl? Should I e-mail her and tell her to back off? I know this all seems very childish..but it's very nerve wracking and upsetting, especially when I've been very happy with him for over a year and here comes this girl who causes all these problems.

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"I do what my rice krispies tell me to do"


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alaska
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Hi Ashley,
been in the same situation way to often...and I must say you've handled this better than I would have done it.
Regarding her last attempt...I'd wait it out and see. I mean, your boyfriend has decided not to be friends with her, and that's what you want, isn't it? I mean, he assured you that he is not interested. I'd just wait and see...IMHO confronting her is not necessary at this very point. And if a confrontation becomes necessary in the future, I'd prefer to do so in a calm, face to face situation instead of via eMail.
The easiest thing, however, would be if your guy simply tells her that he is happy with you and not interested in her. But yes, I know, this has to come from within him.

Hang in there, Ashley. I am sure she'll get the message soon enough.

Take care,
Alaska

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Just a regular lunatic.
Go inside Alaska's head...


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Lin
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Yep, I think the only way to get to this girl's head is if your bf tells her to back off. Ask him to make things clear to her. that he would appreciate it if she did not contact him again or that they are just friends and nothing will happen between them. Not before, not now and not in the future.

If she continues to be a pest, then I guess you should go up to her and tell her to back off. I agree it is better to confront her fact to face. That way you really get your point across. Heck, she could just delete your email.

But for now, just leave it. I know its frustrating how some girls just don't get the hint. Gd luck dearie.

[This message has been edited by Lin (edited 01-02-2001).]


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negative*nancy
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don't forget that it takes two to tango.

Even if you don't trust that girl, you should be able to trust your guy right? If he's serious about you and everything, he knows when to say 'no'.

I've got girls flocking to my boyfriend all the time, but thankfully I've found someone who's really committed to me
Maybe your guy's the same way


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AshleyInABottle
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All is over! YAY!!

Ok, I'm gonna tell the story. I finally decided to just go ahead and e-mail her because it was driving me nuts and I was too shy to talk to her face to face. She e-mailed me back, telling me that she has no intentions of stealing my boyfriend..because she is very happy with her boyfriend of 2 years. She said she is very satisfied with her boyfriend, and that they have long term plans that they hope to fulfill. She also said that my boyfriend is one of the few friends she has, and she would never put their friendship in danger..nor would she ever try to cause trouble between me and him. Then, I e-mailed her back, asking a few more questions, and she replied, assuring me even more. Well, today I got an e-mail from *her* boyfriend..who reassured me even more. So everything is fine now, and I must say..I totally misjudged this girl. I just assumed she was a blonde bimbo who was trying to steal my boyfriend, and she's actually the complete opposite. We're actually talking in e-mail alot..and it's a possibility she might become a friend of mine. Strange ending to my problem, I must say!

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"I do what my rice krispies tell me to do"


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Milke
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A fair number of my friends are male, and a good number of them are gay, so I'm not usually considered cause for concern. But one thing I can tell you is that I don't flirt with them, and have no problem seeing them with their girlfriends (except in one case, where the dear girl really was a bit nuts). And as such, because I make my intentions clear, the girlfriends don't have a problem with me. I think I have an obligation to make everyone involved feel as secure as possible.
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Lin
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Good for you Ash. Happy to hear that.

Meanwhile some girl at my guy's workplace is offering to sleep with him. Whats with these girls? Argh.


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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