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Author Topic: older guy problems
candies
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okay so im only 14 and all the guys that i hang out with are like 16 or 17 and of course they all want "head" and i really really want to because they are all nice and very hot but i want to let them know that i have never done it befor i give them "hesd " because i know they have all got head befor and i don't want them to think i suck at it and i also want to tell them that they need to have a condom on but i don't want to sound stupid or make them mad or make them think i am stupid so what so i tell them?

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emsily0
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ok, i used to be like you, and it's just not fun when you think about it. recently it seems to me that oral sex is an increasingly thorny issue, especially in the way the junior and senior guys like to use the innocent and unsuspecting freshmen girls. why why why? oh, i know they're sexy, but if they can't get play from girls their own age why do you want to furnish it for them?

and why do you want to get used? to get the experience? trust me, that's a bad call. to get to know those sexy boys? also a bad call; you'll know them, but they'll know you as a skanky freshman who gives them head.

and about the condom thing? i'm really glad to hear you say that, because it seems like a lot of the time, girls don't realize that that's neccessary. i sure didn't. and guys do think it's weird, and if they're just using you they're not going to be too understanding about wanting to use a condom, in my experience. furthermore they won't want to return the favor, if you know what i mean, and they'll spread rumors about you to book. guys are jerks sometimes.

so i think you should avoid the upperclass guys who just want to use you, and wait to give oral sex to someone who cares about you, who you care about, and who more importantly is going to treat you well and not say "i want head" or whatever these guys are telling you.

em

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Love is a word that is constantly heard
Hate is a word that is not.
Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
Love, I have read, is hot.
But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
And love but a drug on the mart.
Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
But hating, my boy, is an art.
-Ogden Nash


Posts: 786 | From: Washington, DC | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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Sounds to me like negative peer pressure is rearing it's ugly head here! Why do you feel like you need to give these guys oral sex? I mean, do you really want to go around putting out for just anybody so that you know they'll be your friend? I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it certainly seems like that's what you're proposing. And you're worth a whole lot more than that! Don't let these guys use you like that. There's no hurry to be sexually active, you've got years to do that. And wouldn't you rather learn about all this stuff with somebody who you honestly love and trust rather than a bunch of guys who you're hanging with?

I'm glad to hear you say that you see the importance of using a condom, that's good. But honestly, if you're not mature enough to just come right out and say, "Hey, we're using a condom and that's just the way it is", then you're probably not ready to have sex.

Try reading this article: Readiness Checklist

~KittenGoddess

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"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll


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india
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candies:
I know this sounds rude, but this is for your good. remember there are some words called dignity, pride, high status. you should have those else the way you are thinking is lower than animals. I hope you learn from here. the world is very cruel for people who are weak and used. be happy peace/ and love/

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Lin
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india honey. That was rude.

She is here to ask for advice and not to have anyone here judge her and say she is lower than an animal.

We are all brought up with our own vlaues and beliefs and she has her own. So please, do not impose your beliefs and values on someone else.

Okay...candies honey, I would say KittenGoddess' advice is good advice.

Do not do something you are not ready for. And if you cannot even bring up to these guys that they have to use a condom, then I don't think you are ready for any form of sexual activity.

Why are you doing this? To please them? Yourself? Your friends? Who are you doing it for? If the answer is not you, then it is not worth doing it.

And if these guys cannot even respect your decision to use a condom, don't bother trying anything with them.

There will be better looking, hotter guys who are smart, responsible, mature and who respect you.


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india
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Lin honey, you didnt get my point. sorry love
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alaska
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Candies, just a final note to what everyone here has already said.
I am happy to hear that you’re worried about the condom issue and that you want to use condoms for oral sex, and please make sure you do use them if you decide to go along and give oral sex to those guys.
Requiring your partner to wear a condom and practice safer sex is never “stupid” (quite the opposite – it shows that you are wise and worried about your partners and your own health) and it is never a reason why someone should get mad at you.

If someone refuses to use condoms (and that is a rule that should apply for the rest of your life), please don't have sex with that person (and Oral sex is “sex”). If those guys that you are willing to give Oral Sex to refuse condoms, please simply walk away from them – and away from the sex. Refusing condoms is a sure sign that that person is simply not ready for Sex. It’s not worth to put your health at risk for anyone, I am pretty sure you already know that.

Dearie, there is one thing that I don't understand though: why do you “really really want” to give oral sex to these guys? You say that they are "hot" and all "nice" and "want head", but dear, don't you see that if you provide them with what they want, it won't do anything at all for you? Yes, it might give you some status among your friends for a while, but what will it do for you in the long run?

There is something I just don’t like about the whole scenario that you depicted – the service aspect. You give those guys something that they want. But what about you? How are you going to feel when you’re giving them oral sex? How are you going to feel afterwards? Where are your sexual wants and needs and desires in that picture? It all just sounds like a pretty shabby deal to me.
I am worried about you, girly. I really don’t want to preach to you, and lecture you, but I simply think that you deserve and can do a lot better than that. I think you’re not doing this for yourself....to me, it sounds like you’re doing this for someone else, and just as Lin has said, if you’re not doing a sex act for yourself (at least partly), then you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

IMHO, any form of sex is best discovered in a caring, trusting relationship of some sort, where both partners respect each other. I hope that you discover oral sex and all other kinds of Sex with someone who cares about you, in a trusting situation that gives you pleasure as well. Because Sex is about pleasure for both partners. And just as Kitten has said – you got years ahead of you in which you can be sexually active – there is no need to hurry at all. You have all the time in the world, there is simply no need to rush, girl, you’re 14.

Please sit back for a while, candies, and think about why you want to do it and whether this is really worth it. And if you indeed decide to go along, get out those condoms and some extra lubricant and use them.

Sending lots of positive vibes your way to help you in making the right decision,
Alaska

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Just a regular lunatic.
Go inside Alaska's head...


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XxFIFxX
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Giving head is gross...I don't even see WHY you'd even consider doing so. Don't you find it odd that all THEY want is head and nothing else? Don't be a whore for all of them. Just see what YOU get out of it, okay?

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*I wish I didn't care, but I do*


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Heather
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PLEASE, folks.

You personally may not enjoy oral sex. And that's okay. But at this site, we aren't going to call general sexual practices "gross." Please.

And too, I agree -- participating in any sort of sex with someone just because you want them to like you isn't a good idea. But I don't want to hear people here insulted and called names. India and Fif, consider yourselves warned.

If it keeps happening, your posting privledges may be suspended, so please try and observe the rules of the boards and general courtesy.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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XxFIFxX
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Hey I didn't call her a w****. I used that word as a term because quite frankly it's wrong to think that giving head is what will make you liked and accepted. Don't you agree?

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*I wish I didn't care, but I do*


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Heather
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Guess what? A whore or protitute doesn't have sex for that reason: they do so to pay the rent. It has zippo to do with being liked.

And you can say that you don't think it's a good thing to have sex just to be liked without using derogatory terms. You just did. Please do so in the future.

There's no reason to use derogatory terms here, especially when they aren't even applicable.


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XxFIFxX
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Okay then. So do you think it's a good thing to give head to some people in order to be liked? You think that's acceptable, that's morally right? Quite frankly, you've got the definition of a prostitute down wrong. Not all of them need the money for rent. A prostitute does what they do for something in return, be it money to pay the rent, a car, or even the hope of being loved. I am not calling this girl one by any stretch of the imagation. I am just saying that giving head in order to be liked and accepted is wrong. I find that morally wrong.

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*I wish I didn't care, but I do*


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Heather
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You have now stated your opinion on this clearly more than once. You don't need to state it again.

As I said, no, I don't think that is the most healthy approach to sexuality, but it certainly is a common one at 14. But I also think that what my own ethics are have nothing to do with what Candies' are, or what yours are, and my own morality or ethics doesn't help anyone to make a decision, and it doesn't create a good atmosphere here, or the tone we encourage. I ask that all posters not be judgemental, and I insist that certain standards here be met and I hold posters to them.

And if you're that interested in aspects of sex work, I'd be happy to provide a reading list, but this post isn't the place for that discussion.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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LollipopPoRNchik
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ahem.... In Response to Candie's post: I have to say, I know that just because you're 14 you aren't a young, inexperienced, innocent unkowing little girl. Seeing as how I'm 15. Advice.....Ok... Well If I was in your shoes I would tell these guys to go somewhere else. Now I don't really know that whole sitch but it sounds to me like they just want a favor. Thats crap. In my opinion.

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Lace

Scream Life.

"Just my soul fly free, and let me be what my god wants me to be. Just let my soul fly free, and let me see the great things I'm supposed to see." Soulfly "Fly High"


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LollipopPoRNchik
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Sorry once again- You said "AND OF COURSE THE ALL WANT 'HEAD'".... Not all 16 and 17 year old males are determined to get oral sex from their chick friends.

------------------
Lace

Scream Life.

"Just my soul fly free, and let me be what my god wants me to be. Just let my soul fly free, and let me see the great things I'm supposed to see." Soulfly "Fly High"


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Lin
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india if you feel that I've misunderstood your statement, would you like to explain it? Coz I can't see any other way around it.

And could we stop the moral judgements here? Fif..it's morally wrong to YOU. That might not be the case for many other people. So, unless we are all the same person, let's cut these moral judgements okay?

Alaska honey...what's with the boxes? You did great. Guess the breakfast really helped.


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alaska
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Lin - Ta! - must have been the freshly squeezed orange juice that I had.

------------------
Just a regular lunatic.
Go inside Alaska's head...


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andiecheer
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Hi, I'm new at this but I would like to give u some advice. Last year when I was your age I became involved with a junior guy from my school. I thought he really liked me and we dated for a while before he asked me to give him oral sex. I was very naive so I did what he asked. Before I knew it he had told all of his friends and everyone at school knew what had happened. Luckily for me this did not ruin my reputation but people do still make fun of me for what I did. I'm not saying that these guys that u are talking about do not care about u but I know that the guy I did this for did not care for me, he only wanted one thing and when he got it our relationship was over. Please do not let anyone use u the way I was used, you will only be hurt in the long run. There are plenty of other guys out there who want you for more than oral sex and even though they may not be "hot" they will make you feel better about yourself. I hope that everything works out for you.
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Lin
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Very well put andie.

I'm glad to hear you came out of that experience a better and wiser person. Not to say you weren't wise before.

Welcome to the boards and I hope to see more of you around.


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cutie12345
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I am 14, and my b/f is 16,a junior in high school and I am a freshman. A lot of the realationships at our school are like that because guys want older guys so guys go or younger girls.A lot of them just want you as a hook up or they want a younger girl because she may be a virgin and they luike that they can take it away it is more of a challenge to them.Just say no that is what I do or dont put yourself in that situation...hang out w/ them like you do your normal friends ......talk to them like they are your normal friends and in the end they will know you as a cool chick not a chick that they can get head from, they will RESPECT you.
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