Donate Now
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Do their drugs affect you?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Do their drugs affect you?
pink
Activist
Member # 1071

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've successfully dumped my last boyfriend, we're friends, all's well....
And now enters the New Guy. He's a sweetie, real cute, and just overall a good guy. But I've found out he uses drugs-nothing too hardcore, like ecstasy, just smoking marijuana. Myself, I am against smoking cigarettes, which he doesn't do. I don't have a big problem with narcotics and everything.
My question is, if you've ever been in a relationship with someone who used drugs, how did it affect you? And now what are your veiws on drug use?

------------------
Yeah, well I'VE got blood dripping out of a hole between my legs, do YOU?!?
there is a difference between being stupid and being ditzy. i ought to know


Posts: 615 | From: New York | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
my boyfriend smokes pot and i hate it. there is no way to describe how much i hate it without delving into words that get filtered by this board and breaking a few articles of furniture. he hasn't stopped smoking pot, but he only does it when i'm not there, then waits to comedown before coming to see me. otherwise, i become a super-mega-King-Kamehameha-beeATCH!

------------------
Maurice! Bring in the albinos! muwahahahahaha!!!


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
entropie
Activist
Member # 26

Icon 1 posted      Profile for entropie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I have been, and still am, in a relationship with someone who takes drugs.. not marijuana, neither of us can stand it.. but copious amounts of speed (methamphetamines), E (MDMD/MDA), LSD and of course, the #1, alcohol.

It can affect me sometimes, especially when he is on one level, and I am on another.. but usually it doesn't bother me. He does what he likes to his body, and I do the same to mine.. I don't feel that I have the right to tell him how to look after himself, he's a big boy.

I do look out for him, and I let him know when things get too much, but when they do, I just remove myself from the situation.

The drugs make him part of who he is, and I won't tamper with that. He's sensible and very much aware of the risks involved with taking them.. he knows how to look after himself and his health.. so his drug use is not a factor in our relationship.

We're individuals, and he chooses to do such things, so I have no problem with it.

Just my 55c

entropie

------------------
honeylaser's site

[This message has been edited by entropie (edited 11-29-2000).]


Posts: 1030 | From: Aotearoa | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SoupPrincess
Activist
Member # 1856

Icon 1 posted      Profile for SoupPrincess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I have never been in a relationship with a guy who does drugs, but my best friend drinks heavily and smokes marajuana ocasionally and I HATE IT! I feel like she is killing her brain. I hang out with her because she is smart and creative and fun to be around, but I absolutely cannot stand this one aspect of her behavior.

Personally, I would find it extremely difficult to be in a relationship with a guy who used drugs regularly. I think that it is up to you to decide wether or not his drug use bothers you enough to not get into a relationship with him, but I would think that if you are seriously opposed to recreational drug use, it would be a hard obsticle to overcome.


Posts: 47 | From: Bloomington IL (the boringest place on earth) | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I was only ever in one relationship that I really had a problem w/ it ... As far as i know, all he did was smoke pot and drink lots, but that's only what he told me. He would go to massive parties w/ people he didn't really know and not get home til 5 or 6 in the morning. I have a BIG problem w/ this!! I think smoking cigs is alright, as long as you're not smoking every 2 seconds (i used to, i quit tho ... for my bf actually) but not drugs, that's where i draw the line.

My bf now is a little angel w/ that stuff tho. He's 19 so he can pretty much do whatever he wants (by way of alcohol and smoking cigs i mean) but he doesn't. All his friends are potheads (sorry, i'm very stronly opinionated on this topic) but he's never really been swallowed up by all of it. I guess his future career and his karate (he's going for his blackbelt dec 16th!! cross your fingers ...) and maybe me are just too important to him to mess around w/ drugs. I could be wrong tho ...

Also, i've seen what drugs can do. My moms brother (yes, that would be my uncle ... that would mean i respect him tho ... *cough*) just got out of jail for possession w/ intent to traffic and smuggling. Nice huh? I've thrown out pot plants, and seeds and little things that i don't even know what they were or what they do ... just that they're bad. He threatened my moms life in front of my sister and I and I've hated him ever since. I'm convinced he hasn't always been like that, but drugs turned him that way. Soooooo ... i refuse to date anyone who even smokes pot. Been there, done that, bought the tshirt ...

The way i see it ... one thing leads to another. Now he's drinking, then he's smoking pot, then it's ecstasy and LSD, then you don't know where he is and are scared for your families lives b/c your sweetie bf/husband has turned into a dealer.

As i said ... i'm wayyyyy too opinionated on this topic. I have way too much to say and maybe it wasn't a good idea to post but i'll take a shot at it anyway ... Sorry if i offended anyone

~ Smurfit


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cypher
Activist
Member # 1881

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Cypher     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Heh. Funny I should fall over this post....

I just got off the phone with my boyfriend. He's out with one of his friends and they're stoned. Ugh. I mean, I've tried it before, but it doesn't do too much for me, but it makes him an idiot. And talking to him.... Whenever he's high anything I do just seems to get on his nerves. And he burns out so quickly. I hate it. I think I'm just going to sit down and tell him I want to have nothing to do with him when he's like that.


Posts: 289 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Etch
Activist
Member # 182

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Etch     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My b/f was a total stoner, a dealer at times as well. Now he pretty mush stopped everything because he cant afford to get in trouble (he is on probation because of traffic violations he didnt even do) His friend is on probation for possesion. Other then the fact that it is against the law i see no problem in recreational use of pot. As long as you arent driving or whatever i dont care what you to with your body.

I think that pot, and other drugs, have screwed peoples lives up before, but i have also seen people who excell and still use. I think that drugs are one part of a whole equation that makes up a person. If you love someone for who they are it shouldnt matter if they are using or not. you love them for who they are, and that is part of it. I am sure everyone has their faults that you cant stand. But you cant, and shouldnt make them change.


Posts: 523 | From: Ashland, Oregon, US | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey Pink, not to sidestep the topic, but didn't you just break up with your last boyfriend so that you could get some space and some time alone?

Rebound relationships often end up the pits anyway, but tossing yourself into another one where you have to deal with serious issues like this seems to stand counter to what you needed for yourself.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ou2mame
Activist
Member # 1987

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ou2mame     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The one thing I can't stand is women who tell me to quit doing drugs. I don't hide my drug use from anyone, my dad knows, my friends know.... Its no big deal for me, but when I'm dating a woman, a month or 2 into the relationship, she lays in the guilt trips. "If you loved me you'd quit". That quote pisses me off beyond belief. Its like she never thought about my drug use until I cared about her. I didn't move on to harder drugs, or use the ones I'm doing now more... If you can't handle who your boyfriend is, why are you with him? Don't bother trying to change him, because thats not going to work. I smoke weed, do ecstasy, pain killers (mostly codeine), and I see nothing wrong with this. As long as I don't see a problem with it, I'm not going to quit. And women who ask me to quit, thats like talking to a wall. I try to date girls who either don't care, or do drugs themselves. Its easier that way.

------------------
just when everything was making sense
you took away all my self-confidence
now all that I've been hearing must be true
I guess I'm not the only boy for you


Posts: 148 | From: Long Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ou2, that's why i stopped nagging my boyfriend to quit. it wasn't getting me anywhere and it was always a fight waiting to happen. so we compromise with "just don't do it around me and i'll turn my eyes from it."

there are certain things i will not tolerate, though, and he knows what they are, so he's agreed not to do them. but that's a compromise you will have to decide on later if it ever comes up.

------------------
Someday, I will have a sexy car...a very...sexy...car!


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ialwyzlvdu
Neophyte
Member # 2017

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ialwyzlvdu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Gumdrop Girl:
ou2, that's why i stopped nagging my boyfriend to quit. it wasn't getting me anywhere and it was always a fight waiting to happen. so we compromise with "just don't do it around me and i'll turn my eyes from it."

there are certain things i will not tolerate, though, and he knows what they are, so he's agreed not to do them. but that's a compromise you will have to decide on later if it ever comes up.


My boyfriend and I have been together a year...and he drinks henisey, whiskey and bacardi every time i see him...he smokes marijuana all the time...it has caused our relationship to go down hill...and I think its almost over...he ruined our love...i tried to be there...but he is mean to me and calls me names and i should get a lot better treatment than that...I just don't nag anymore it does me no good to fight with him...it never gets anywhere.


Posts: 1 | From: garland,tx | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lilnerd
Activist
Member # 1194

Icon 1 posted      Profile for lilnerd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ou2, that's true....only if a guy is using before you get into a relationship. I was with a guy who never did, and about 3 weeks into our relationship he started experimenting. It really bothered me, and I think if I had chose to, I would've had the right to say something about it. However, I didn't...and I just ended our relationship.

------------------
http://beam.to/anode2ryan *My Ryan Page*
"Don't go in the teepee without a condom on your peepee"~Dumb & Dumber


Posts: 543 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Lilnerd, that's a great point. ANYONE has the right to ask a partner to stop doing something that is detrimental to their health. In fact, I'd feel comfortable saying if you dodn't comment on it at all, ever, it says a great deal about how much you really care.

Likewise, that partner has a choice to say they won't quit, and both of you have choices in assessing if you can continue the relationship because of that.

Drug abuse -- even with drugs that are *relatively safe* like marijuana, or over-the-counter drugs -- is never totally safe. If you think it is, you're kidding yourself. Personally, I don't think all substances that are illegal right now should be, and I don't think that some which are legal right now should be as readily available. I also personally think that the use of some drugs, in moderatiuon and when done from an educated standpoint, are okay, but I'd be a liar if I said any of it was risk-free, when it came to physical and mental health, legal issues and in relationships with others.

Here's the big but: anyone who tells you there are no risks in drug use is not using from an educated standpoint, is not fully informed, or is in denial. Anyone who tells you that you've no right to care or have a say when they have expressly entered into a relationship with you also needs to get a clue, pronto. The backbone of ANY good relationship is that each partner gets the right to care, bnecause a solid relationship entails each of the lives involved affecting the other.

Like anything else, there are a LOT of factors in terms of healthy relationships. When someone wants to do something that makes you feel bad, you always have the right to ask them not to, or to sever the realtionship because it just isn't something you can deal with (honestly, not with threats or manipulations). They always have the right to make those choices as well.

I also feel the need to mention something as delicately as I can, and please understand I am not trying to be patronizing: a young adult saying they haven't moved on to something else has limited mileage. A lot of people DO tend to simply go up a ladder of drug use, but it isn't usually something that happens overnight. It can take months, years, and even decades to escalate. This I know, from professional and personal experience. So, when you say "so-and-so" has stuck to one thing only or "I" am just doing this, not anything else, realize that if you're young, and you haven't been doing this for years, your experience is a little limited.

As with all things, I find that when really dissected, looked at honestly and openly, and approached with integrity and a little objectivity, we can tackle this stuff and handle it. But people usually trip up over the honesty part from the get-go, unfortunately.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ou2mame
Activist
Member # 1987

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ou2mame     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Do you always censor people with differing opinions, or is it just me..

------------------
just when everything was making sense
you took away all my self-confidence
now all that I've been hearing must be true
I guess I'm not the only boy for you


Posts: 148 | From: Long Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No. What posts we do edit, delete, or what posts eventaully lead us to halting the posting privledges of a user are outlined in the registration guidelines, and divergent opinions are not one of them.

However, for both the protection of all of you as users with traceable IP addresses, and for the protection of our boards, as outlined in the guidelines you agreed to upon registering, the following are some things which may create those conditions:

- posting illegal activity
- defamatory or hostile language ot timbre
- material or information that may potentially harm the general readership
- matreial which may harm or interfere with the operations of the baords and out company overall...

...amongst other things. If you're unclear, just let me know, and I'm always happy to send a copy of the guidelines you agreed to.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ou2mame
Activist
Member # 1987

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ou2mame     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ohh.. So only people who don't know about these things from a personal perspective can post about it. Yes, that makes sense.

And, I also don't see what having a tracable IP has anything to do with your censorship. If I went through a proxy before I came here, you'd delete my posts because I'm protecting my privacy? Eh, that doesn't make much sense to me.

------------------
just when everything was making sense
you took away all my self-confidence
now all that I've been hearing must be true
I guess I'm not the only boy for you


Posts: 148 | From: Long Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I agree w/ you 100% Mz S ...

ou2mame, can i ask something? How were you censored? There's nothing wrong w/ what you posted ... it's how you come across to other readers who don't share your opinion. Keep your posts clean, and you won't be censored. If you're gonna curse up and down and harass other people cuz they don't think the way you do, then yeah, you'll find your posts will be edited or even deleted ... maybe you wo'nt be able to post at all. It's alright to have an opinion, but by acting the way you are you're making yourself and the site look bad ... You're not the only one that posts here and i'm sure you're the only one who has tried drugs or has been in a relationship w/ someone who has. Maybe if you actually listened to other people you might find your relationships worked out better ... Relationships are a two way street. There are some things people just can't handle, for me it's drug use. For you, it's obviously someone trying to change you ... that's fine. Get over yourself little man, you're not the only one here w/ an opinion ...

~ Smurfy


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ThisGuy
Activist
Member # 968

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ThisGuy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Respect.

Its a fairly simple concept - all Miz Scarlet is asking you to do is show her, me, and your fellow posters some respect on these boards.

Aggressive or inaccurate posts violate the rules you agreed to when you signed up.

Traceable IP or not, that's not a big ask.

------------------
Shzick n.
The shocked instant between initially realising you've caught your genitals in a zipper, and feeling it.


Posts: 915 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ou2mame
Activist
Member # 1987

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ou2mame     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by LilBlueSmurf:
I agree w/ you 100% Mz S ...

ou2mame, can i ask something? How were you censored? There's nothing wrong w/ what you posted ... it's how you come across to other readers who don't share your opinion. Keep your posts clean, and you won't be censored. If you're gonna curse up and down and harass other people cuz they don't think the way you do, then yeah, you'll find your posts will be edited or even deleted ... maybe you wo'nt be able to post at all. It's alright to have an opinion, but by acting the way you are you're making yourself and the site look bad ... You're not the only one that posts here and i'm sure you're the only one who has tried drugs or has been in a relationship w/ someone who has. Maybe if you actually listened to other people you might find your relationships worked out better ... Relationships are a two way street. There are some things people just can't handle, for me it's drug use. For you, it's obviously someone trying to change you ... that's fine. Get over yourself little man, you're not the only one here w/ an opinion ...

~ Smurfy


One of my posts was deleted, after my last one, stating that I had been censored. I wasn't rude to anyone, I was just explaining *why* people can't expect others to change. I may not be the only one with an opinion, but it seems asif I'm the only one who isn't allowed to voice it.

------------------
just when everything was making sense
you took away all my self-confidence
now all that I've been hearing must be true
I guess I'm not the only boy for you

[This message has been edited by ou2mame (edited 12-02-2000).]


Posts: 148 | From: Long Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okie ... sorry i didn't know before that your post had been deleted. I only found that out later on ... whoops

If you had a post that was deleted, there must've been a reason for it. If you read the guidelines when you signed up, you would know what's acceptable and what's not. If you choose to ignore them, then we will choose to delete or edit your posts.

We're not ganging up on you or being unreasonable ... If you want your posts to stay, then you should respect other people who read what you write. If you don't, then don't waste your time writing, b/c it won't be there long enough for anyone to read it. If Mz S says your post was inappropriate, then she must've had good reason to delete it ... I don't believe she's in the habit of being an old bat and deleting everything ... or this board wouldn't be as popular as it is. Instead of flying off the handle about it, why don't you calmly ask why things are the way they are instead of throwing a temper tantrum about how unfair things are to YOU ... It'll get you a lot further sweetie. I promise.

~ Smurfy

[This message has been edited by LilBlueSmurf (edited 12-02-2000).]


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Folks, this has truly strayed from the topic.

Ou2mame, as I said before, the rules here are the rules. You don't have to like them (*I* don't always like them, but they need to be as they are for a multitude of reasons), but you did agree to abide by them, and part of that includes us editing or deleting posts for a number of reasons at our discrection. If that truly is a problem here for you and you feel you are being singled out or martyred (and I can assure you, you are not), all I can suggest is that you find another board for the sort of post or discussion you want to have here but can't due to our rules, or your dislike of how things are managed here. If you need or want instead to discuss it with myself or with Hanne, we're happy to do it, just toss a mail our way (heatherandhanne@scarleteen.com).

But at this point, I need to ask that you allow the topic to focus on the topic the original poster discussed. Thanks.

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 12-02-2000).]


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ou2mame
Activist
Member # 1987

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ou2mame     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I would have emailed you instead of posting here, but your email address isn't shown in your profile...

------------------
just when everything was making sense
you took away all my self-confidence
now all that I've been hearing must be true
I guess I'm not the only boy for you


Posts: 148 | From: Long Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
For furutre reference, email addresses for the moderators of each forum are linked at the top of the index pages for forum sections, and there is an email link that says "contact us" on the bottom of every page on the boards.
Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3