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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » My experience

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Author Topic: My experience
Loveroftheocean
Neophyte
Member # 110007

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I realized recently that my experience was not my fault. I did nothing wrong. I recently told my sisters and a couple of my friends about what happend to me in the summer. How even though I was unaware of what was going to happen and thinking that he was going to get back together with me because my friend said he would. He attacked me in the car and for the longest time I blamed myself and I let myself be controlled by my best friend making me think it was ok that he did things he did. I never wanted to do any of them. I talked to him about it saying that I never wanted it and that it was my best friends idea and he told me that I shouldn't let people take advantage of me. I also found out my best friend has been spreading rumors saying that the guy and me do it all the time and that I wanted it. That's the reason why I came to talk to you on here. It's been really hard this month with everything that is happening and even though I know it's not my fault I just feel like maybe I deserved it. I kept apologizing to them and saying it was my fault and sorry that I wasn't doing what they wanted anymore because I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take how trapped I felt and I tried to make excuses to not see them and try to stop it but I was afraid.
Posts: 12 | From: Oz | Registered: Apr 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Loveroftheocean
Neophyte
Member # 110007

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It wasn't my fault right? I never wanted it. I got trapped. It hurts so much especially when I'm alone. I'm terrified that the stuff that happend will happen again. I'm scared to walk alone by myself now. I get anxiety attacks and it's so painful that sometimes I'm crying so much I can't breathe and I don't know how I can just let it go and be ok and be strong because it hurts so much. I don't talk to my best friend or him anymore and I don't see them but I'm still afraid.
Posts: 12 | From: Oz | Registered: Apr 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Loveroftheocean, please remind us how you have been doing in terms of professional help. Have you had any counseling to talk about what happened?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Loveroftheocean
Neophyte
Member # 110007

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I have not gotten any professional help. I have tried but I have either been to busy with school or not being able to go there. Transportation wise. I do talk to my sister about it and she does help me.
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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Alright. Well, it sounds to me like you are at a point where it would be a good idea to reach out to professional help. Having supportive friends and family is great and very helpful, but it is not a substitute for a counselor who is trained in working with survivors of sexual abuse.

By school, do you mean university? Many schools offer counseling services for students, some even have rape crisis centers. So, you can start by looking into whether that is a possibility for you.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Loveroftheocean
Neophyte
Member # 110007

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Yes, I go to a university. I did look at my schools health services. I haven't had the time to find out where the building is or how to schedule an appointment.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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So, clearly, you need to make the time.

Honestly, for as much time as you have just spent posting here, you could have looked that up. So, how about instead of making a next post here right now, you use that same time to call the health center and get that information?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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