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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Chasing away demons

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Author Topic: Chasing away demons
Unless1993
Neophyte
Member # 108415

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I'm not really looking for much out of this other than a better reaction then a laugh which is what happen when I told my friend.

I'm 20 and in college. My roommates and I were having people over and drinking. My roommate invited her "friends with benefits" over whom I've met only once before. Anyways we all got drunk and then headed to bed. He claimed he wanted to sleep on the couch so we all said okay and went to bed. He came into my room and asked for a blanket.

I gave him one but then he didn't leave. I sat there and talked to him for a bit then I said I was going to sleep with my other roommate and he could have my bed. He said please just lay with me for a minute so I did and we talked a little more.

I fell asleep. I woke up hazy and he had pulled my pants down. He said you're breasts are a big. I turned on my side to get away but that apparently was a worse decision cause he penetrated me. I was out of it and he kept grabbing my hand and using it to masterbate himself with. He would turn me into mew positions and have sex with me. He kept shaking me saying "do you know we're having sex?" And when I grunted cause that's all I could manage he'd say "this is so fucked up omg."

I hoped it was a dream but he came into my room the next morning and apologized. I only told my friend from home cause I am too embarrassed to tell anyone else.

Thanks for reading

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I certainly don't see anything about this that is comical. [Frown] I'm so sorry this person assaulted you, Unless.

Where do you want to take this from here per discussion around it? Would you like to talk about your legal options, how to get help and support in dealing with and healing from this assault, to just talk more about your feelings...?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Unless1993
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I don't really know. Legal action would just be he said she said so I know nothing will happen.
I just feel so nauseous and shaky. My friend thinks I should tell my roommate but I can't. I feel so guilty and like she will think I slept with him to hurt her or something

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, I know it's often presented that way per the law with this on television, but in reality, it often isn't so pat and simple. As well, you have the legal option to report an assault, but opt out of pressing charges, if that's something you'd prefer.

Feeling traumatized after you have been traumatized is understandable and isn't unusual.

Per telling your roommate, what I'd want to know about that is if that is something you want to do for yourself. By all means, if and when we know someone is abusive, telling people who may be vulnerable to them is a good thing to do, but right now, I'd say your needs are what need to come first. Right now, you need to be supported and cared for.

Is telling her something you want to do, for yourself, and do you think that would result in support and care for you?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You have NOTHING to feel guilty about here, just for the record. You didn't assault someone, and you didn't assault yourself. This guy assaulted you. The person who should feel bad here is him, not you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Unless1993
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Well while we were talking he made it clear he felt he needed to have sex with someone else because she did. I made it clear it wouldn't be me (or so I thought) so I honestly don't think she is in sexual danger. She may be hurt to find out what he did but I don't think he's trying to sexually assault her.

As for me I am at a loss as to what to do for myself. I just don't know how to forget or make myself feel better.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Like I said, I really think right now who you tell needs to be about YOU and what you need. You're the one who has just been assaulted, and you're the one coping with a big trauma right now. So, if YOU don't want to tell her right now per what it could offer you, I just don't think that's something you need to concern yourself with.

We can't forget abuse or assault, ultimately. Over time, our memories of it and the impact tends to diminish, but forgetting rarely, if ever, happens.

What we can do is to learn how to cope, process that impact, and start our process of healing. And too, I want to make sure that you are also okay in the most immediate ways right now: like that you have obtained emergency contraception if you need it, know where to get any healthcare you need additionally, and are in a place where you can be assured YOU are safe from this person.

Can we start with those more immediate things, make sure they're taken care of, and then talk some more, as you like, about how to get help and help yourself per coping and healing more long-term?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Also, just as ways to get started with helping yourself right now, this piece on self-care could be a good start: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/crisis/selfcare_a_la_carte

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Unless1993
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I took plan b and have debated going to a health center but I think doing that will make it real in my mind. So I'm scared. I feel safe here but in reality I have no idea if and when he could come over because he hangs out with my roommate. I am a little scared he'll come over and try to talk to me about it again. If he does ill probably get angry cry and scream which will lead to questions from my whole house and I can't handle that right now.
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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Unless, it sounds like you would really benefit from having someone in your corner who'll support you in this, maybe go to the health center with you. I hear you on how badly telling this one friend went, but maybe there is another friend or relative, or maybe even a mentor (like a teacher or coach you've always trusted) who would be a better choice?

Alternatively, you could look into finding some support from organizations, like crisis centers. Many campuses actually have rape crisis centers, so you could start by looking up if your school has one of those.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Is there somewhere else you can stay for a little while? By all means, not feeling safe where you are strikes me as sound. Not only did this happen here, but if the person who assaulted you can come over, you're neither safe from him nor the emotional impact of him.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Unless1993
Neophyte
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I couldn't find my campuses rape crisis center. I also can't stay anywhere without questions (I have 6 roommates). I also can't talk to any of glthem because it will get around I know it for sure.
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Robin Lee
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HI There,

Not all campuses have specific sexual assault support services, but there may be one in the town or city where your campus is.

Does your campus have a general counseling service (most campuses do)? If so, you do have the option of going to that service for help and support.

Do you have any friends you don't live with whom you could stay with, even for a night or two? You're allowed to go stay with your friends, and if people you live with have questions about that, you're allowed to give them a short answer such as "I want to spend time with (name of friend)."

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Robin

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Here's a listing of all rape crisis centers in Ohio: http://www.oaesv.org/rape-crisis-centers-in-ohio/

What I'd do is contact one or two closest to you, and you can also ask them what, if any, services your college may offer you aren't currently finding, just in case.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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