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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Long painful night, this night!

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Author Topic: Long painful night, this night!
Jemima7777
Neophyte
Member # 95641

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Hello again everyone,

I know it seems like I only write when I need help these days... I'm sorry about this.
But I once again have a situation on my hands. I'm really anxious to see the day when I will be writing in other threads. I'm sick of posting in this ''Abuse and abusing relationships''.

Anyways. Here's the thing(s). I'm currently working as a waitress on a golf club. My next shift is Sunday. But I have decided not to go to work anymore. The cook, who's the manager's husband, freaks me out.

He touched my butt twice now, by ''accident''. I talked to my mom and she believes he was doing it on purpose. The first time, he was moving past me and bumped into my butt from behind. It felt really bad. But I convinced myself that it was accidental.
But a few days or weeks later, he was talking to a client, while I was getting the check ready, and said things like: ''I'll take the little one. I like them young.'' He was talking about me. I ignored the whole thing, but felt really bad. Like and object.

Then he started to make these comments about me and that other guy who also works as a cook, and who's younger than me. At some point they seemed to be talking about me, so I later asked the cook (the problematic one) what they had been talking about. He said that he was about to ask him if I was his type. To which I replied I already had a boyfriend, which I did at the time. He said: ''And he has a girlfriend. But even so, we're allowed to look at the menu, aren't we?'' I exclaimed but he only laughed.
And then today he touched my butt again. Coincidence? I doubt it.
He told me to go wash me shoes. I turned my back on him and started walking in the opposite direction. He then exclaimed: ''Aha! Just kidding!!'' and I felt a little slap on my butt, not with his hand, with something he was holding. I felt confused for a while, and pretended like nothing happened. But really, there was no reason for him to touch me. I did not see what he did, because I was completely turned around in the opposite direction. But he was standing at a little distance, and we were both going in opposite directions. How could he possibly have touched me by accident?
Adding this incident to those other little incidents... I feel very uneasy, and very certain he's doing that on purpose.

So... I want to call my manager, his wife, who's always been very nice to me, and defended me once when he was rude to me. She told him to stop and looked angry.

This post feels chaotic. Anyways, I'm planning on calling he tomorrow and tell her that I've had enough. I don't want to work there anymore. At all. I know it puts her on the spot and everything... And she has a wedding to attend later that day... I don't want to ruin her day... But I don't want to ruin mine either.

So... I needed advice and support...

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You hold the mightiest weapon of all.

Posts: 32 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jemima7777
Neophyte
Member # 95641

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[ 08-09-2013, 11:45 PM: Message edited by: Jemima7777 ]

--------------------
You hold the mightiest weapon of all.

Posts: 32 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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I am sorry to hear you ave having such a rough night, Jemima.

It sounds like you did not feel comfortable at your job, so quitting that job is a good call. Work environments should be safe and free of harrassment, so you are well within your rights to quit. Whether and how your manager will find a replacement really isn't sommething that you need to worry about - that is her job and her concern.

Is there someone you have been able to talk to this about?

What are you doing to take care of yourself?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jemima7777
Neophyte
Member # 95641

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Thank you for your support, September!

I quit this morning. At first, she was considerate. But when she realized I was serious about quitting, she turned cold. She said she would to him and asked if it would be alright. I said I didn't want to risk being touched a third time.

I spent the day with my friend and told her all about it. In fact, I called her right after I finished my call with my boss and told her what was going on, half crying. She said I was right to quit and congratulated me for not yielding. My mom, to whom I had related the whole yesterday, was also very proud of me, saying how not everyone has the guts to spill it out.

I also told my ex boyfriend, who understands why I did it. Ans finally, I told a male collegue who said I had made the right decision and that he supported me in it. It made me really happy, as I wasn't sure how this particular person would react.

I feel strong now. Of course, I dread the moment when I will go back there to give back my uniform. But I think the worst is behind me.

To take care of myself, I actually decorated my room with travel pictures from magazines. [Smile]

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You hold the mightiest weapon of all.

Posts: 32 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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I'm so glad you have had so much great support from the people around you! I'm glad it worked out.

Maybe someone could drop the uniform off for you? But if not it sounds like you can get through that if you have to.

Anyway, Go you!

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jemima7777
Neophyte
Member # 95641

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Thank you! This place is a blessing where I can always find support.

My mom offered to take that uniform back to me but I want to go and face them, whoever's there. I'll be bringing my cayen pepper with me. I know it sounds extreme, but I don't want him to exclaim, at the sight of me: ''Ah, the prude who doesn't like to be touched!! Am I still allowed to touch your shoulders and arms, or is that too intimate for you also?'' Or other crap like this. Bottom line is I don't trust him. So... NO risks.

Nothing bad will happen though. [Smile]

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You hold the mightiest weapon of all.

Posts: 32 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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