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Author Topic: confused and scared
myponyjoey
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I was sexually harassed/assaulted everyday at school for 3 years. I feel stupid, but I'm afraid of him. And I'm totally uncomfortable taking off my sweatshirt when in class with him. I wanted to look into the free counseling in my area but I don't want to tell my mom. I know my school called her and told her when I reported him a month ago but she never said anything to me. I feel so weak and I don't want to tell her I want help. Plus, I don't want to talk to her about how I feel and I know she'd tell me to do that instead. She's my only form of transportation, so I can't do anything without her knowing. I don't know what to do.
Posts: 4 | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Hi myponyjoey and welcome to Scarleteen,

I'm so sorry to hear you've been through this, and, for what it's worth, I don't think it's stupid to be afraid of the person who's been harassing you. It makes sense to me that you would be afraid of someone who hurt you.

You mentioned that you reported him at school. Has your school done anything to help you? Have they done anything at all besides call your Mom?

Can you tell me a little more about why you don't want to tell your Mom? Do you think she wouldn't support you? What do you think she would say if you told her you wanted counseling?

It's okay that you don't want to share your feelings with your Mom, and you can talk to her without having to go into things deeply.

Wanting to get counseling doesn't make you weak; it makes you pretty strong actually.


I'm really concerned for you that this has been happening for so long and that you still have to see this person. Is he still harassing you?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
myponyjoey
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The school said that they would talk to him but he never got in trouble. They told my teachers that I wasn't supposed to sit by him but that hasn't stopped them from trying. The only other thing they did was tell me to come back if something else happened. He actually sat next to me in English class today and sat as close to me as possible. It's like he does things he knows make me uncomfortable but won't necessarily get him in trouble. And the main reason I don't want to tell my mom is because she doesn't let things go easily. She brings things up that are months, sometimes even years old. I don't want her asking questions and continuing to bring it up when all I really want is to move on and forget.
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Robin Lee
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It's okay for you to go back to the school and tell them you still don't feel safe.

You know, while I understand it's frustrating the way your Mom doesn't let go of things, I'm thinking that right now that could really be an asset to you--as in, your Mom could help you talk with your school to make sure that you get what you need as far as feeling safe, getting any counseling you need, and so on.

I definitely understand your desire to move on from this. Sometimes, though, moving on involves working through something, which is what you would do with a counselor.

What would you most like to happen right now? For example, do you want counseling? Do you want help dealing with your school? Something else?

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Robin

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myponyjoey
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What I really want right now is for someone who isn't going to be around me a lot that will listen and help me...so basically counseling.
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Onionpie
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Hi myponyjoey. Do you know whether your school has a counsellor that may be able to be a person to go to with this? That may be one place to start. However, I hope they're more supportive and on your side than the other school admin seem to have been so far!

I agree with robin that you may be able to actually get your mum to help you out with this. And, you know, you could try talking to her about the fact that you don't feel ready to talk about your feelings around this with anyone other than a counsellor, and that you really need to take your time with healing/processing around this so you'd appreciate it if she didn't push you for information or updates or anything -- that it's nothing personal against her, but that's what you feel you need to do this comfortably and to heal YOUR way. Do you think she'd be receptive to a conversation like that?

If you think she would be responsive to a conversation like that and you want to try that direction, we could work with you to brainstorm some potential conversation-starters for a talk like that with her.

Posts: 1298 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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