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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » When justice is just a word

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Author Topic: When justice is just a word
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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Hi all,

As some of you know I have recently been going through a major court case against my long term abuser. The trial has ended, and while I am very relieved he was found guilty I am also very disappointed with the very short sentence which was handed to him by the judge. Quite frankly I feel like he was slapped on the wrist and that my statement to court really didn't do much in terms of showing how much of a monster this man really is, and perhaps I should have tried harder with that. I suppose I assumed that he would go to court and the law would give him what he deserves and then I would feel great. I was wrong about both of those things.

Don't get me wrong, I do think going to court was the best option and one which I won't regret as he is still behind bars at least for a little while, which is much better than being out on the streets where he is able to harm others. I just feel like maybe I didn't approach this situation as prepared for different outcomes than the one I expected as I should have been.

I have learned some very important things throughout this process, things I don't think I would have found out otherwise.

1. I am stronger than I give myself credit for most of the time.

2. Even though the justice system has not really handed him the punishment which I would have liked it did find him guilty of what he did. I was believed by the court. I was listened to by people who I thought would never listen to what I had to say.

3. He told me if I ever told anyone I would die, and I completely believed that. He tried, he sent people to hurt me, break into my house and get me, but every time I fought and I won. By doing that I have finally shaken those words free of my mind and those threats he made are nothing more to me now than cruel sick words from a cruel sick man.

4. I am never going to be silent about this again. I will always have a voice for myself and others who are abused and I will use it without fear of what he will do.

5. I have a few months of peace which I have never had while in my own country, and I plan on doing everything I can to enjoy them. The time he is in jail is my time to heal as much as possible so that when he is out, I am as ready as I can be.

6. I discovered who really cares for me and who doesn't.

7. I discovered that I am not worthless in the eyes of others or the law, I am not worthless in my own eyes.

So yeah, there is always something positive to take away from these things, I just had to really look for it.

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 66249

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I'm sorry the verdict was so disappointing, that really sucks. I am glad that the time while he's locked up will give you space feel completely safe. I think it's actually great that you have this many positive takeaways already.

I can also imagine that some of these positives might take a longer time to reveal themselves. A lot of the recognition provided this trial will continue to have positive repercussions, we'll just have to wait and see what those are.

Also thanks for sharing what you've learnt, it all sounds totally spot on. It'll have me thinking and hopefully be a help if anything like that happens to someone close to me.

Do look after yourself.

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

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Thank you for the update, nixie, and I'm so very glad he was found guilty. I'm also glad that the process and the verdict has given you the things it has. Many of those sound very important to me, and like very strong things. I'm very glad that it's helped you internalise more that the view of the world he imposed on you was His view and not something objectively true or that you have to believe or accept forever more.

About the too-short sentence: I hope you know that it isn't a comment on you (that you don't deserve more justice than that) or on him (that he's not so bad). It's very common that for crimes like this, sentences are much too lenient. I'm truly sorry and angered that you and many people like you don't get true justice with these sentences; it's a systemic problem, with our society, and it's not a personal comment on you or on what he put you through.

Heap-loads of respect and admiration for your strength and survival.

The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1786 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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Thank you both,

I really struggled straight after the verdict but am starting to see the positives and the benefits from all of this will start to emerge eventually. I will always feel that what he got was not fair considering his crimes, not just against me but to others also. But I do not want that to discourage others from going through with the process, maybe one day I can be there for someone who needs a better result than I got, and I would be very happy to do that.

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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