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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Really confused

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Author Topic: Really confused
Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 49582

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If Person A doesn't know that if someone consents to sex then passes out from drunkeness during you need to stop, and carries on for a while - because their other friend is sat with them, telling them it's consensual - then Person A feels ooky about it and thinks 'is this rape?' and stops. Is that rape on Person A's part?

Please help, this is driving me insane and I feel like my abuser. I feel like I'm making excuses for myself. I need clarity.

[ 10-16-2013, 08:21 AM: Message edited by: Saffron Raymie ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, I don't know the situation here besides what you're sharing, but no one can feel okay about anything when they're passed out, they are no longer awake to do that.

Too, I think it's pretty iffy to talk about someone not knowing that you can't have consensual sex with someone out cold. They'd likely know that was true for themselves, no? I mean, seriously, who doesn't know that who is of the age to be drinking or engaging in sex? For real?

The only situation I can work out with something like this where it's potentially consensual -- though it;d still be awfully unsafe -- is if two people talked ahead of time, arranging a scene where one person drunk to excess and, in advance, asked the other person to continue engaging in sex with them if and when they passed out. Even that seems mighty iffy to me, though.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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AuntiePixie
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Edit

[ 10-16-2013, 09:18 AM: Message edited by: AuntiePixie ]

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Saffron Raymie
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OK, thank you. Is there any way we could chat at the moment?

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I'm afraid I am just quickly passing through before I have to pack and jump in a car to jump on a boat to then jump on a train to Portland to go do work there. [Frown]

I will be around very little from now through Friday night, but I will be back working some on Saturday.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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Hey Saffy,

If Heather can't chat, I'd be happy to talk with you via Scarleteen's live chat system if you're comfy with that and need to talk.

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Robin

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AuntiePixie
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Edit

[ 10-16-2013, 09:40 AM: Message edited by: AuntiePixie ]

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Saffron Raymie
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Sounds lovely Robin, will be in in a bit.

No worries, Max. [Smile]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Robin Lee
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Sure thing.

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Robin

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Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Actually I have to go to work; running out of time but thanks.

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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No problem. If you need to chat later, or over the next couple of days, just post here, okay?

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Robin

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