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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » "Moved on", can't shake the bad memories

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Author Topic: "Moved on", can't shake the bad memories
FrankieFrog
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Hey again Scarleteeners! :3

So, in a very recent post, I said I had achieved a form of forgiveness with two old friends whose betrayal and subsequent harassment and life-threats scared me and even led me to make an official police report to safeguard myself.

Anyway, I did feel softer for them..and still do.

But they live in the same area as some of my close friends and they'd drop their names to me in passing when we meet and tell me they usually exchange pleasantries, with nothing significant.

It's all very tame stuff and in my heart of hearts I know the worst is over..yet to know they're near my friends and they have contact with each other just makes me worry for my friends..

I dunno, it's like..I don't want my bad experiences with Brian and Terry to have this backlash that ends up inconveniencing or making my friends uncomfortable too.

And anytime my friends tell me about them just in passing like "Oh by the way, I saw Brian earlier."
something as simple and innocent as that, it still makes me nervous.

Would they try anything else?
Are they planning some elaborate plan to frame me for fraud?
Would they still harass my friends with a barrage of questions to "call me out"?

And most damning of all..
Is it supposed to be this difficult to move on?

It's been 4 months..
The last time I had this kind of "bad business", legal trauma with potentially dangerous people was a few years ago- and that took me about a year and a half to shake, but that was because I wasn't alone and this person had the entire company raging after him.

I don't know what to make of this..
I know time heals all wounds and it'll get better, but I just didn't think it'd hit me so bad that even 4 months of space isn't enough!

Like..imagine, if you will, that you're in the woods being chased by rabid bear.

You finally get up a tree and to safety, but this bear is just going nuts on the trunk, clawing at it and roaring and stuff.
It then walks around to a part of the tree you can't see because branches are blocking your vision.

You know it's probably still there.
It's fairly silent..leading you to believe maybe the bear has left, yet you hear a grunt or two that then lead you to believe.."maybe not".

You see your truck off in the distance, at the back of which you've kept a gun.

If you drop down and the bear is right behind and starts charging after you, you know for certain you could reach the truck before it, but you'd have to fire your gun at it otherwise there's no way you'd live to drive away.

It's a solid plan, and you know it, but you'd hate to do it anyway.

Okay and..end imagination sequence!

That's the spot i'm in.
I feel like..as prepared as I am, it's not an experience I wanna go through.

So what if I could pull out all the police mumbo-jumbo and easily win over them if they try to harass me etc.?
It's something that I don't want to have to do..

Even though I know I have all the legal protection being the minor and them having no grounds on me,
I don't want to make the trip to that police station again.

Or to make that call to my friends and tell them to record their messages down for evidence or to behave any differently just for my sake.

It's all just so unpleasant and I wish I wasn't so in the dark..
I wish I could let go and get some perspective faster but my mind's just so clouded emotionally that I even entertain the thoughts of them having this elaborate scheme against me to frame me just for spite!

And that they'd succeed! < [Frown]

I'm a sane and logical person but..i'm not good with this stuff..not again

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Heather
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You know, I don't know when it the right amount of time to get over anyone doing things like threatening your life, but four months sure doesn't seem like a lot of time to me. To me, that doesn't seem like anything close to enough time to feel safe, let alone even be safe. After all, massive personality turnarounds don't tend to take weeks or months, when people have them: more like years or decades.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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FrankieFrog
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Yea..I guess, it's probably just the unknown that's scary.

I've always believed the enemy you know is better than the one you don't..and with this, it's like, I want to let go and move on rather than obsess on the possibilities- but I also don't want to end up in denial.

I've always tried my best to work through all my emotions in turn and be honest with myself but..this time i've exhausted my mind with analysis..
I feel empowered and confident enough to safely let this go knowing i've dealt with it, but when I i'm walking through a crowd and I see someone who looks like them from the back, I still get a little heart attack and freeze for a moment..

I've set myself a kind of mark which is say...6 months or 1 year from that day.
I want to get to the point where I can rationally say the hatchet has been buried..and I think that day will come when enough time has passed that i'm sure they've forgotten.

It's been 5, going on 6 months now (as of April) since I got in real close with them and all this went down..
I've hit my mark, and i feel like things are really done but now with my friends living near them, do you think I should tell my friends to just never tell me anything related to Brian and Terry?

Or should I just leave things as is and keep hearing the occasional news?

Because I feel like hearing about them constantly will keep this fear always lingering around, but to tell them to omit it completely would be an imposition for my friends.

What do you think?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know though, Frankie, in this case, it doesn't sound like it's about the unknown, but what you DO know.

In other words, you KNOW these folks haven't been safe for you. feeling afraid of them isn't unreasonable, it's sound, and it's likely your brain doing you a solid by telling you, clearly -- as fear often does when it's not irrational -- to feel unsafe. Because that's the message to keep your distance and NOT get too close.

Know what I mean?

I also think it's fine to ask friends not to talk to us about people who have done us harm.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Btw, if the way I'm talking about fear serving you and being wise seems unfamiliar -- or if you're just interested in finding out more about it -- you have never read it, you might want to see if you can't find yourself a copy of "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
FrankieFrog
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Thanks Heather [Smile]

Yeah I went ahead and told my friends today that i'd really like to move on and they were actually really supportive of me, seeing as how I actually only have the two of em and they've been my best pals for quite awhile now.

I'll check it out when I can!
I geek out quite a bit < [Frown]

School's picking up now so it'll help me get my mind off this..I hope this is the last time I feel the need to come here for shelter :3

Thanks again Heather!

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