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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Confusion on how to explain it to him

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Author Topic: Confusion on how to explain it to him
Controversy
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If i put this question in the wrong section, im sorry. [Frown]

So my current boyfriend knows everything i've been through in the past, even some more details that i haven't posted here. He understands everything to an extent, but as time goes by i think he doesn't understand as much as he says he does.

I know that may seem confusing.. but it seems that he doesn't understand the emotional/mental strain that someone must go through and recover from, after these things happen to them. I don't know how to explain the struggles that others and i went through, because it doesn't register for him.

Do i have to show him some stories of surviors? Have him read some things? Instead of just me trying to put my pain and thoughts into words.. which im pretty terrible at.

There is no problem between him and I, he doesn't force anything upon me, if i say no to something he stops, if i seem uncomfortable he stops. But he still seems confused at why. I just want to have him understand, i don't want him to start thinking something i do is because of him.

Or should i just try talking to him again, putting every little thing in detail, so he understands?

Posts: 132 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It does sound like he could probably benefit from either reading some other survivors stories, or, perhaps better still a resource intended for partners of survivors.

Even a book FOR survivors would do well, and Staci Haines' book specifically about sex for survivors might be just the thing. That's "The Survivor's Guide to Sex."

I'd hope that when someone has a partner who is a survivor that if they didn't already feel very educated about that, they'd take it on themselves to do some reading. Just like, say, we'd do if we started dating someone who was diabetic and didn't know anything about that, or from a culture we didn't know well.

If he hasn't done that himself, I don't think asking him to do so is "making" him do so. I think it's just asking him to do what, really, we'd expect someone who really wanted to understand would WANT to do, you know?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Controversy
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Member # 50053

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Thank you so much for your response and suggestions, maybe i can go order or pick that book up. I want to do my best to help him if he doesnt seem to be helping himself.

I thought about that, about him looking things up on his own time. I believe he has, but in bits and pieces. Regardless, i'll find that book you suggested.. If it comes down to it, i can even introduce him to this website, have him speak to one of you maybe?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Of course! We're always happy to talk with anyone, and I've certainly talked with partners around this before. If you're good with it, we certainly are.

[Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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