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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » my abuser is going to jail

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Author Topic: my abuser is going to jail
nixieGurl
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Hey all, sorry for the silence from me, I have had my gorgeous niece with me for a while, she is 20 months and makes me happier than anything else in the world. . . But this is a close second, my abuser is off to jail according to the police who visited me today. They raided his home finding lots of drugs and child pornography (which just makes me even more sick) and he is also charged with molesting two others which is horrible, but they finally got him!!!

I feel so safe all of a sudden even in a different city already, I feel safer. I am so pleased he is getting punished and that finally everything I have said is being believed by the authorities and others. My family remains stone silent on the subject but I don't even care. I win. Me and those kids.

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Robin Lee
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Oh Nixie!!! I don't even know what to say, except that it's beautiful to hear of justice being done, and I'm so glad you feel safer.

How have you been otherwise?

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Robin

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Saffron Raymie
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OH NIXIE YES! I am thrilled! Huge waves of love and support from me - overjoyed about this! [Big Grin]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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nixieGurl
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Thank you both so much :-)

I am so overwhelmed by it, there still has to be a trial about the abuse stuff but he is already been done on the drug dealing charges and child pornography so whatever happens with the trial he is already off to prison. Plus this is his second prison term for child pornography so its going to be a tough sentence apparently which is great.

I feel like I can finally start to live my life a bit. I want to enjoy being an auntie even though my niece lives overseas, and I want to go back to nursing school next year, which will be the next battle.

I have been having a rough time with depression recently but things are looking up now. Might mean some medication changes again which makes me nervous as last time they started jabbing me with a new one most of my hair fell out and is only just growing back nicely again.

But all is looking a lot more positive now for me now that I don't have to worry about him.

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Heather
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Ems, that is AMAZING. And I'm so glad it's translated to what -- probably for the first time ever -- feels like the ability to live and plan a real life for yourself.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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nixieGurl
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Thanks Heather,

Yeah I feel like I do have a chance to plan ahead and maybe do some things I want to do. I don't feel like I'm looking over my shoulder anymore, which is huge. I feel like ive always just been waiting for him to turn up again but now I don't feel like that. I don't think I have ever felt so free except when I was travelling. But now I can feel safe in new Zealand too. It feels pretty amazing, overwhelming but really amazing.

The police asked me if I had a photo of myself as a kid so I found one for them. I'm assuming because they found evidence in the materials he had at his home that some of the pictures were of me. That makes me feel pretty sick but I am pleased it will be destroyed finally after the trial ends.

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Hey nixie, glad to hear justice is finally being served, and that you feel so much safer now.

Those plans you're making sound great, and I'm sure you will make an amazing nurse. The nurses with compassion are always the best ones [Smile] .

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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nixieGurl
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Thanks everyone,

One thing that I've noticed about all of this is I can sleep. I am sleeping so much, and so solidly. I came home from babysitting yesterday and lay down on the couch and slept for two hours, then WEnt to bed and slept all night, like 8 hours. I don't sleep, I never have been able to. But now I feel like I can. Its the most amazing, best thing. My mental health is going to improve a lot with actually sleeping at night, and that's awesome.

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Yay for getting enough sleep nixie! Getting proper sleep makes almost everything easier to do!

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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nixieGurl
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Well ive had a few family issues in the last 24 hours. But I did expect that, so I have not let it get me. Ive spent much of my time laying on my bed today watching movies where girls kick ***. It helps a lot.

Had a strange phone call from a popular news show wanting my story since acc mistakenly released my information to them. I declined. While it may be helpful to others I'm being selfish right now, and I'm not ashamed of it. I have not had much time to be selfish in my life so far and I'm enjoying a taste of real freedom and a little bit of power. I will eventually put myself into action and try to help, but for now I'm enjoying sleeping and silence and kick *** girls on movies.

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Robin Lee
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Let's hear it for self-care and self-determination. I'm sorry to hear that your information was released without your permission, but so glad to hear you are clear with folks about what you need right now. You'll know when and if it's time to get more publicly involved.

And let's hear it for the girls kicking *** movies!

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Robin

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nixieGurl
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I also got some great news after that happened, honestly this has been the best week of my life, I'm not exaggerating either. So I called acc because I was really annoyed about what had happened and they have decided that I will get to see a private psychologist who specializes in sexual abuse cases for free. I will be able to see her every week! I have been searching for something like this for I don't know how long! I'm so stoked with this. It will help so so much.

I realised that this year I turn 27, which obviously means I'm not a teen but I have been coming here since I was about 16, and Heather and you all here have totally been my lifeline. Something I never forget and I always want to share the good stuff here when it happens.

I also realised that it has been close to 20 years of constant abuse from this man, and its ending. That's so huge for me. He has abused me for almost as long as ive been alive and for that to just end feels like something that I never thought would happen. I always thought I would die before it would end, probably at his or someone else's hands. But now I know that won't happen anymore. Its a strange feeling, but it is as though I have just woken up from a really bad dream and can go back to sleep knowing that in the morning it will be alright.

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Robin Lee
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HI Nixie,
Oh yes, I can understand how all of this must feel like such a huge transformation and relief (releif seems like too mild a word) for you.

That is also fabulous news about the psychologist. When do you start seeing her?

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Robin

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Heather
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Never going to stop loving all of this news.

And I know, like we've talked about, this has been Such. A. Long. Time. Coming. Including the counseling: I keep thinking of all the years where we've tracked down resources, you've chased them down, only to be denied service, or to find something that did work for you and have it get shut down due to lack of funding, etc.

And yes: you've been living with literally a lifetime of abuse, and I'll never stop thinking it's amazing you've kept yourself surviving.

So, share away!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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nixieGurl
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Thanks so much,

I feel so lucky to have all of this happening right now, especially right at the beginning of a new year. Funny that the world was supposed to end in 2012. I guess mine did!

I just need to wait until the psychologist contacts me with a time to go in to her and then I'm in! Seems all so easy really, all that work for all of those years and then one phone call and its done. Even though I know its about acc saving face and this whole lot of arrests, this whole thing is about saving my countrys image, I'm still grateful that something is being done, and I do feel like I and many others were owed this at the very least.

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Heather
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You've finally got some power now. And you're using it: I think that's really what's happening here.

Don't stop! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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nixieGurl
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I totally feel it. Had another great sleep, anything over two or three hours is a great sleep for me usually but ive been sleeping seven or eight! Its amazing. I have so many things to look forward to now. Forward not back.
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Robin Lee
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It's fabulous what a great sleep can do for one's sense of well-being, isn't it?

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Robin

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nixieGurl
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It really is fabulous. I am not used to it and feel very lazy but in a good way. One thing that life being a bit hard has taught me is to be grateful for some of the smallest things. Ive decided to write an email out to send to my family about all of this as I already had a quite disturbing reaction from my mum. I want them to know that while I don't hold a grudge against them that I also won't put up with theirs or anyone else's games with me anymore. I love my family because they are family, but I also feel like they are used to being able to bully me into submission over things and I'm ready to change that.

I have also been seeing someone before all of this happened but I decided that at this time of my life I want to be single and to enjoy my little victory. I don't think I have enough love for myself yet to also love someone else in that way. I really want to make some changes now that all of these things are being put on the table that ive never had access to before. I don't want to waste any of it.

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Redskies
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Nixie, I'm so very, very happy to hear this news, and so happy that it seems to have given you the freedom to make strong, positive decisions for your well-being.

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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