Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Repressed memories and where I belong.

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Repressed memories and where I belong.
Lilac Shade
Neophyte
Member # 99003

Icon 4 posted      Profile for Lilac Shade     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
TW: sexual and emotional abuse

I was in a relationship with a boy for five months three years ago. We were still sexually active for several months after that. At the time, I had dangerously low self-esteem, an eating disorder, and self-harming behaviours. My partner was aware of all of this.

In the past few months I have given consideration to that relationship and I don't know if my experiences were serious enough for me to say it was abusive. I said no a lot, but my partner pushed and nagged until I gave in. He tacitly created a system where sexual favours resulted in comments that validated my body. I did so much I didn't want to do, but I was convinced that I owed it to him and I wouldn't be a worthy human being until I performed as he asked. My psychiatrist says it was abusive, but I don't know if she's just saying that to make me feel better.

Help please?

Posts: 2 | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
HI Lilac Shade and welcome to Scarleteen,

You know, it really is okay for you to let your psychiatrist know that you're feeling unsure. If you ask her if she's saying what she says just to make you feel better, she will, if she's worth her salt as a helping professional, tell you honestly why she says what she says. It might be helpful for you to unpack with her what abuse is.

Abusers very often pick up on the vulnerabilities of the people they abuse, and will exploit those vulnerabilities for their own purposes.




What I hear is that you're looking for validation. You might find this article to be helpful:
Dealing With Rape

I really do encourage you to let your psychiatrist know that you're feeling unsure about all of this.

What do you think and how do you feel after reading that article?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lilac Shade
Neophyte
Member # 99003

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lilac Shade     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thank you for your reply.

That article says pretty much exactly what I tell the kids I do consent workshops with, which is pretty staggering because you'd think I'd be able to practice what I preach. I guess it's just hard not to internalize all the common perceptions of what "counts" as abuse and rape. I'm seeing my psychiatrist in two days; I'll talk to her then, but after that article, maybe not so much about whether or not my relationship was abusive and more about un-internalizing victim-blaming.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3