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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Unsure what to do

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Author Topic: Unsure what to do
Member # 98783

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As I have posted previously, a good friend of mine who I will call V had been getting hard to be around. I asked him to put space between us and he said he would. 2 days later he came back more worse. He hit me, and has been doing it since then. I almost can not find any time away.

I have told my parents, and they say that as we have been friends so long, I must caused it and need to fix it.

My father drinks too much, and is hard when he is like that. He likes to slap us around hard, push so we fall to ground, hit, yell that we are not doing enough. Before, I went to V's apartment, and was with his family when it was harder with my sister. Father is not very bad, he has only 2 times caused broken bones and it was accident. Part of why I am unsure is I have young sister. It is better if she is not around father. V has never touched her, never hurt her. Even when he hurt me, never her. Father has, not a lot but little.

V has been saying that maybe he interested in fun with a few of his friends on me. Kind of joking, but it does not feel that way. Very often if I go out of house he is there watching.

I am unsure because I do not know what to do. Where to go. To choose safety of sister first is what I think to do. I can take a lot more than she can. I am hoping maybe there is advice. Something I can do to talk to parents, any thing?
I tried talking to others in the apartment building, and the few family I trust to look out for her do not want problem with father.
When it was more warm I could take her outside,but it is getting very cold now and dark fast.
Does anyone know any good resources or advice, ideas?

I have made a strong attempt to have this written out understandably. I apologize for mistakes.

[ 11-23-2012, 09:00 AM: Message edited by: PeachBlossom ]

Mожно привыкнуть ко всему - даже ад.

Posts: 15 | From: Ukraine | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Member # 90293

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HI There Peach Blossom,

Your writing is very clear here. So, if I'm understanding correctly:

Your friend V is hitting you a lot, and has made sexual threts which he says are jokes but which don't feel like jokes to you. Going to V's apartment used to be a way you could get you and your sister away from your father who frequently drinks too much and has hurt you several times and sometimes hurts your sister. Do I have this right?

First of all, it is never, ever someone's fault when they are physically abused in any way. I'm sorry that your parents are blaming you for the way that V treats you. The way he treats you isn't right, and that's all about him and what he chooses to do, not about you or anything you have done or not done.

Do you and your sister go to school? If so, do you feel as if you could talk to the teachers at school about your father and V both hurting you? It sounds like your father is a dangerous person for you to be around. The fact that he's twice caused you to have broken bones is really scary.

Do you have any friends outside of the apartment building you live in who could be of help or support for you?


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 98783

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Thank you for responding.

you are right. Father can be very hard. He goes without drinking for a month or two, then he starts drinking again and becomes a difficult. When he drinks, there is little money for food, and I work. I work a lot after school.
So I asked around for someplace for her to go, that I could pay for but they said they needed father or mother to give permission. I can not ask them because he will take money for alcohol.
I talked to school, and they said that it was a family problem, that it could not be as bad as I thought and then told my father.

We live an hour in little traffic from most friends. They are willing to give a little money for food. They already help on weekends sometimes. They do not know what else to do. Do you have suggestions?

The broken bones were accidents both times. He was drinking, he took us to the doctor though.

Are there other suggestions?

[ 11-24-2012, 04:46 AM: Message edited by: PeachBlossom ]

Mожно привыкнуть ко всему - даже ад.

Posts: 15 | From: Ukraine | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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PeachBlossom: have you ever looked into any kind of social services?

I'm not familiar with that system in the Ukraine, but nearly all nations at this point do have systems to serve children being abused in families.

And just to be clear, a parent drinking and "accidentally" breaking the bones of their children would generally be classed as an abuse, and at the very least, as profound neglect. same goes with a parent spending all their income on drink and being unable to feed their children because of that choice.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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