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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » A friend of mine

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Author Topic: A friend of mine
Member # 95078

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Two of my friends, actually, are in a relationship. I'm not sure whether it would be classed as abusive or not. If it were to be, SHE is abusing HIM. She claims to have DID (but almost certainly does not, as she seems to be a compulsive liar and none of her stories add up - she has not been diagnosed, and remembers all the things that are apparently "Reuben"'s doing). These are the events thus far.

Last year, he was in a school production of West Side Story. During this time, she had a panic attack and attempted suicide. He was unaware and was not there. Then, later, rumours with no real substance were spreading about him "cheating on her", which he did not.
Now, she has become obsessive over the production and will not allow him to do anything that has anything to do with it. He was singing "I feel Pretty" in a joking manner a few days ago, and she slapped him across the face. He thought she was joking, so carried on, and she grabbed his testicles and twisted them. This all took place in the middle of the school canteen.
He wants to be an actor, so he wants to audition for this year's production of Oliver. She has told him "You're not doing it" and will not listen to him, slapping or threatening him if he suggests that he could try it and see how she feels.
At a sleepover recently with two of my other friends, she woke him up and tried to get him to have sex with her, in front of them. He said no and she then threatened him and apparently came at him with a kitchen knife, but did nothing with it (thank God). My friend then found her in the kitchen, crying, blaming it on "Reuben".
Recently, she has also become obsessive over him being with her at all times. She became angry at him yesterday for forgetting to tell her about a lunchtime detention, and today she found him working on his music composition and hit him around the back of the head.
He is very tolerant and never retaliates. He does not realise how awfully she is treating him. As his friends, we are not sure what to do. She is very mentally vulnerable - although we are almost certain that her DID is fictitious, she probably does have some form of mental illness. We are worried for the safety of our friend, but feel we cannot get involved directly. Any ideas?

Posts: 32 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 95078

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She also threatens him over his schoolwork (he has ADD and finds concentration difficult; I think because of this she feels like she is helping) and has said that she will break up with him if he gets lower than a C grade in his English.
Posts: 32 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI ParaPetunia,

i'm sorry to hear that your friend is going through this.

When you say you're reluctant to get involved directly, what do you mean?

Have you talked with him about what you've seen?

The first thing to do would be to encourage him to talk with a trusted adult about this, such as a school counsellor or teacher. How does that sound?


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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