I am continuing to lose faith in the police and our justice system. I have been in several abusive relationships, sexual and non-sexual and have extended contact with the police, one leading to a protective order and my moving several states away. Every time i try to do the right thing and report what happened to authorities I feel like there is either 1) not much they can do as long as I am not actually forcefully raped or 2) they just dont believe me, or do not believe that these problems are ones that will leave me scarred forever.
My most recent interaction with the police was due to this incident: I had sexual relations with a friend's boyfriend's friend once. He was basically a jerk, but most recently what seriously alarmed me was when the next time, even though I told him I didn't want to go "all the way," he continued to physically persist to the point where i had to grab his penis and push it away from my body. After several actions like this, and pulling out his condom multiple times, which I told him to put away, I finally got angry enough for him to stop for a while. He came out of the restroom then put his hand inside of my underwear, then proceeded to try and replace his hand with his penis so that I would not realize what was happening. I freaked out, told him to leave, ("seriously?" "yes, get out. NOW") got in the bathroom and locked the door.
Next monday, i told the police what happened. Everything was fine and the detective assigned to my case was very sensitive and understanding. Several days later, I got a call from the detective telling me that he talked to the boy, who had a "different account of how things happened." i said I wasn't expecting anything different and that was that.
A couple months later, I went to the police to report a stolen phone. I saw the detective, who looked at me and recognized me. I said hi, and he turned around and shut the door that he was holding. Later, he came out to the lobby then sat right next to me, in the table I was waiting, continuing to ignore me completely.
This leaves me to conclude that whatever account that the boy gave the police had the detective convinced I was being a "drama queen" or a "stupid girl." I just feel like I confided in someone something so sensitive for me to share, in order to prevent further crime done by this wannabe rapist. Then, I was humiliated.
I feel like people that we are supposed to trust do not want to deal with these problems. They do not "like" me because they cannot just ignore me like they want to, but they have to pretend to fulfil their job. I am torn. I dont think that i will ever go to the police again and report anything like this. I want to move on from this incident but this sheer disrespect shown to me makes it hard for me to forget and move on. I just feel like there is no justice.
I certainly understand feeling this way. Personally, I've struggled with this, too, and personally, I've had a bad experience myself (and with a violent rape: really, I'm afraid there's not any "kind" of sexual assault that guarantees sound treatment by any justice system).
Let's start with seeing what we can do to get you what you need right now, okay?
Have you connected with any sexual assault victim services or organizations? In other words, people, orgs or groups we *know* will treat you appropriately around this?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 68260 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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Thank you for your prompt response, Heather.
I have never reached out to any organization specifically for sexual assault. The detective initially told me of a rape crisis hotline which I have saved to my phone. It is unfamiliar to me and I would prefer not to talk on the phone but I am willing to try it. I tried to move on without talking about it but I'm becoming more convinced that that is not working for me.
Posts: 2 | From: US | Registered: May 2010
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Do give that hotline a call. You do not necessarily have to talk much on the phone if you do not feel comfortable with that - you can simply call and ask them to refer you to a rape crisis center near you, and then you can go there and talk to someone in person.
-------------------- Johanna Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 9187 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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