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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » raped last ngiht (Page 1)

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foreverbroken
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I cant help but think that every guy will abuse me and will harm women. I want a relationship really bad but I am to terrifyed. I have been raped and assulted 14 times in my life. Once when I was 8,once when I was 10 and 12, 4 times when I was in Cancun, 2 times in Europe and 5 times in college (2 different colleges). I am terrifyed it will happen again. What do i do? I am also bi can people sense that? Will I always be sexually abused now since I have been so many times in my life?
I was just raped again last night, this time he beat me up. He used a condom and foruced me in the shower and turned it on blazing, so all of the DNA evidence was washed away and is gone. He threw me down a flight of stairs so I can just say I feel down a flight of stairs to cover up my brusies and marks. I am to terrifyed to go to the cops or anything. I cant I am scared i am worried its all my fault. :(

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Heather
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You need to go and report if this is what happened. And for certain, first-degree burns from a shower or even the kind of redness that will linger from having one too hot, and bruises from being thrown down stairs ARE evidence. As well, since you're at school right now, no one seeing any of this, or hearing someone go down a flight of stairs like that would be unlikely.

So, whether you report this to your RA, your college campus, the police, or the counselor you are working with, the best thing we can do is strongly encourage you to report it to someone right now.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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i cant i am to scared i am going to work up the courage to tell my counselor on tuesday. Are you saying that someone could of heard it? The person who raped me was drunk and high so he didnt know what he was doing. I am afraid that this will happen to me again.... :(

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Heather
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The last time you posted here yesterday, it was almost one in the morning. That means this happened some time after that, so yes, I expect someone would have been annoyed by the sound of someone being thrown down the stairs that late at night.

As well, if someone was drunk and high, changes are awfully good someone sold them or gave them the drugs or the drink or did those things with them. Again, in a situation like you're describing, some kind of witness was very likely.

I really do not feel it's responsible or sound to talk more about this with you until you have reported it, especially with bruises and potential skin wounds that are still fresh. Given the history here, and given that you are somewhere with far more than one avenue for in-person reporting or support right now, I need for you to take those steps first -- not Tuesday, ASAP -- before I feel it's ethical for us to talk about larger issues with you.

You also certainly have the option of calling the legal advocate you have had for your existing rape case, too. That's one more option.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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it happened before 1 in the morning i just didnt say anything and the staries are all blocked off and you cant hear anything in the starwells. I am going to talk to my RA when she gets back from class which is at 3. I am really scared tho.

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Heather
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Well, that's only fifteen minutes from now, so until then, just take some big breaths, call your counselor or advocate if you need to, and hang in there.

It might help, too, if you like, to write down all the details like you did here so that your RA and whoever else this gets reported to have all the information they need.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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ok I will write down all of the information and tell my RA. When I tell her I will let you know. I am sorry for being a bother and a burden.
I do not know if I want to police involved yet tho...

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foreverbroken
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i talked to my RA....

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Karybu
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How did that conversation go?

In terms of reporting, there is a sexual assault support service in your area, who can send out a support person to be with you at the hospital or police station should you decide to report this to the police. Their information is here: http://www.sapbchc.org/services.php

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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foreverbroken
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It was really hard. She comferted me and said if I need anything to come talk to her. She is having me stay in her dorm room with her just because I am upset. But I have chosen to not tell the police yet because he was high and drunk even tho I was sober.

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Karybu
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I'm glad to hear your RA was supportive, and that she's letting you stay with her.

Whether or not to report is your choice, but just so you're aware, many schools have strict policies regarding sexual violence of any kind, and yours is no exception: there's information on that here. The responsible thing for us to do at this point is to ask you to call your campus security services (as outlined in that document) and/or the support service I linked you to before. You have a lot of in-person support available to you, and I really think that taking full advantage of that is the best thing you can do.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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foreverbroken
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OK ya I am going to tell the police soon enough. I am afraid to tell the school because I had a bad experience one time when I was assulted not rapped they blamed me and laughed in my face pretty much.

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Im always abandond

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Karybu
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I'm sorry you had a bad experience with the school before. I think going to the police is a very good idea.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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foreverbroken
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thanks ya it wasnt with the school I am at now, it was my old school but its still scarey to think about it happening again. I am sorry guys

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foreverbroken
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I have decided to tell the police and make a report

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Im always abandond

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Onionpie
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Glad to hear you were able to make that decision for yourself.
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foreverbroken
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It was really hard to tell them but they went out and arressted him.

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Im always abandond

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Robin Lee
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How do you feel about that?

What are your next steps in terms of getting support?

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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well I am already seeing a counselor so seeing her will really help. I am also intouch with my old advicate so I am also talking to her. other then that I dont know

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Im always abandond

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foreverbroken
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well I am already seeing a counselor so seeing her will really help. I am also intouch with my old advicate so I am also talking to her. other then that I dont know

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Im always abandond

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Karybu
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Both of those are very good places to get support, and it's great that you're keeping in touch with your old advocate. Has she been helpful with this most recent rape and the decision to report it?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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foreverbroken
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yes I love my old advicate. I can tell her ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.

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Im always abandond

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Robin Lee
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Do you have a new advocate to continue to help you with the case around the rape you experienced last Spring?

Also, have you gotten medical care after being raped on Thursday?

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Robin

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foreverbroken
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yes I have recived medical care and ya i have a new advicate all tho i have a hard time talking to her. I can takl to my counselor a lot better tho

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Im always abandond

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foreverbroken
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please I am sorry I really need someone to talk to

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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What do you need to talk about, Brokenhearted?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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I am scared, i cant sleep at night. I have sleeping pills but I am afraid to take them because what if someone breaks in my room and does something or that I will have flash backs and fear. I am scared I am pregnant. Even if he used a condom. I am scared that I am losing friends and support.

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Heather
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You said you got medical care, and in Minnesota, the standard for that care (one that state is excellent about) is offering a victim emergency contraception. Were you not offered emergency contraception?

As well, have you yet contacted that sexual assault services resource that we gave to you, which the police or your advocate likely already also referred you to?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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Yes I have talked to them. I wasnt offered emergancy contraceotives since I am already on birth control.

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Heather
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Okay. If you already take a hormonal method and a condom was used, pregnancy isn't something you need to be concerned about. And again, hopefully this was addressed with you when you got care.

Too, hopefully you were offered EC regardless; that's a policy issue. What I'm hoping you mean is that they brought EC up, but you and they decided it wasn't needed because you are already using a more effective contraceptive properly.

So, with concerns like these or worries about flashbacks, are you calling the center -- which has a 24-hour hotline, as I recall -- first? How about your counselor? Your advocate?

[ 09-09-2012, 07:06 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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I am talking with my advicate about it. She cant believe that it happened again. She wishes she could be right beside me but she cant since she is in Texas. I have not seen my counselor since last week before it happened. Do you think itd be a good idea to tell her? And no they didnt even mention the emergency conterceptive since I told them i am on birth control. Thanks for the help and supprt Heather.

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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Ideally, I think -- which was one suggestion I'd made -- that calling your counselor straightaway when this happened would have been ideal, and that even if she is a brand-new counselor, she would have -- and would likely still -- find time to see you sooner instead of later if you called her about this.

Have you been able to get in touch with the sexual assault victims services in your area with that 24-hour hotline? It sounds like you said you have: what did they suggest around all of this? Have you called that hotline tonight,w while you are feeling like this?

[ 09-09-2012, 07:27 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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I have not called my counselor about this. I didnt want to waist her time with it... I have not called the hotline about this today. I am afraid to...They just suggested to get some sleep to talk to people about it and not keep it all bottled up.

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Im always abandond

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Onionpie
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Hi brokenhearted. Calling your counsellor about this would certainly not be wasting her time -- it's her job to be in-person support, especially around crises, so I don't think she'd have any problem with you calling her about it. In fact, I think she'd WANT you to call her. So how about you try calling her and talking to her about it, and perhaps setting up a time to see her soon?
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foreverbroken
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I dont have her number is the thing tho

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