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mysticgal12
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okay. so i dont know if this is exactly abusive behavior or if its just something that bugs me or if i make excuses for him.

me and my ex boyfriend have been trying to wrok things out. we tend to have a few issues and i thought maybe if we could take a breather and talk about things and work stuff out that we could get past it. im very attached to him because he was my very first partner.

tonight while i was babysitting i was informed that an older guy liked me, he was drunk and i felt uncomfortable with the age difference so i simply left. i tried to talk to about this with my ex and he got mad. which is understanstandable.

after i told him that there was nothing to worry about though and that me and my older sister handled the situation, and im sure that the guy would be embaressed tommorow, my ex got mad. he then got short with me and then just quit talking to me at all.

he does this everytime he gets mad over something. he will quit talking to me and even turn away from me if im with him. it leads me to feel like whatever happened is all my fault and i get upset. and then angry. i mean why should i feel responsible for something that isnt even in my control?

but it still hurts. and it gets so bad that if i even try to say "i love u" or anything he will not reply to me. and if asked about it later he gets kinda huffy and states that he did this to prevent yelling at me or starting a fight or something along those lines. he never seems to take into consideration about what this behavoir feels like to me.

is this abusive? he doesnt hit me or really even call me names but he makes me feel bad for things he gets angry over, and like today when we met up to talk and hang out he wanted to have sex, in broad daylight at a park in his car, i said no multiple times. he got all sad at first and it felt like he was trying to nake me feel guilty, but i held on to my solid No. then when i said it again, he got mad and wouldnt talk to me again making me feel like thats all he came for even if he said it wasnt.

it seems like he keeps throwing this in my face too and im starting to question whether this is abusive behavior that ive been making excuses for due to my attachment to him, or whether i really do wanna be with him because i care, or whether this is healthy, or even if i like the idea of a relationship and am trying to get it from any person i can. i just dont know and i would love some guidance.

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mysticgal12
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also he constantly states that he feels the only way to make me know how much he loves me is through sex. but we are not even truly together and i just dont agree with this response.
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Robin Lee
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HI mysticgal12,

I think the really important factor here, rather than deciding if this is abusive behaviour or not, is that you don't like this behaviour in a partner. This is totally okay. WE get to decide how we want to be treated. It's also important to remember that we can't change the way others feel or the way we behave.

And no, sex is definitely not the only way to express or experience love, and you never ever have to have sex if you don't want to. Good for you for being firm on that! [Smile]

You might find these articles helpful.

Does Your Relationship Need a Checkup?

Potholes & Dead Ends: Relationship Roadblocks to Look Out For

--------------------
Robin

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mysticgal12
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i definatly do not like this behavior or the fact that i feel like im on eggshells whenever i talk to him. his anger is too much for me to deal with and i feel like maybe i should just quit trying.

i want and feel like i deserve better than what this relationship is giving me.

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Robin Lee
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Sounds like you're pretty sure of what you do and don't want.
Kudos to you for that!
What's the next step for you?

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Robin

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mysticgal12
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i called my bff and told her about it, she went through something extreamly similar. and ive decided to just cut off contact with my ex.

i am most likly going to her house tonight then going to cedar point with all our friends tommorow [Smile] then ill wind up staying again.

other than that im gonna try to stay firm on my decision to stay away from him, but a big part of me wonders how ill actually do it [Frown]

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mysticgal12
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is there any advice on how i could stay firm with leaving him?
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Robin Lee
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One thing you may find helpful is to make a list of all the pros and cons of staying with him versus leaving.

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Robin

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mysticgal12
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i have done that before and it didnt really amount to anything for me.
' my main problem is i feel guilty, he acuses me of not caring about him, of having never cared about him, and he says that i give up on him all the time and that basicly im a horrible person and he is not.

he says i dont love him because im not willing to put myself through all of what he does to me. but he is wrong i DO love him, but i hate his actions twards me and i have realized he will NEVER change them.

am i always gonna feel so guilty? he also trys telling me that he will quit eating and start cutting himself and that if i dont get back with him he will kill himself, and i really dont wanna be responsible for that.

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mysticgal12
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like it cant really be my fault is it?
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Heather
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No, it cannot.

And this person is manipulating you emotionally.

So, this is how it's going to be with this person. Is this what you want?

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mysticgal12
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no i dont. i have deleted and blocked him from everything now. so the only way for him to contact me is to physicaly come to my house.

which i hope he doesnt.

and i think now i just gotta make sure to keep away from him and stuff but its really hard to deal with everything. and talking to my parents and family, they just get mad at me and tell me to forget about it. but its really not that easy

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Heather
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I'm glad to hear that. You deserve much, much better: everyone does. Everyone deserves to be treated like a human being and with respect and courtesy, at the very, very least.

I'm sorry to hear your family isn't being as supportive as they can be. But at the very least, if you've concern he might come to your house, do you think you could get a family member to deal with him so you don't have to? maybe have a talk about that now, just in case?

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mysticgal12
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well i live in a trailer park that is private property. so basicly if he comes here ill tell the manager and he will be escorted off the property. so that only a minor concern.

i guess my biggest fear is that im never gonna find a boy who treats me good.

so far ive either had boys that were abusive or boys who were gay.

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Heather
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Great: glad you'll have that set up to be safe and also feel safer.

Do you want to talk about your relationship patterns now? These are always things that can change, and usually it's not like there aren't randoms in there, too.

But certainly there are often things people can do to change a pattern of unavailable partners or abusive partners that can help. Again, there's still the element of random you can't control for, but I'm willing to bet we could come up with some things to make it way, way less likely to wind up in either spot moving forward.

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mysticgal12
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well the first guy i dated for a long time (13 months) was sooo sweet and treated me like a princess. we had fun and everything together and it seemed like a perfect realtionship. but after awhile it seemed like nothing ever changed, and he admited that he was very attracted to boys so we split. but we r the best of friends now and still go camping and everything. he even went to prom with me.

and my ex seemed to be similar to him at first. we got along great and seemed to have similar goals in life. plus he made me laugh so much everyday. just things changed eventually. we fought and he didnt like that i was independant. he wanted me to have to go to him for everything and would get mad if i didnt like it that way. and eventually things just got to the point i was watching what id say or i wouldnt say anything at all. i got quiet and didnt even make friends at my new school. he would get mad if i wanted to hang out with anyone other than him. and if we did break up after he cheated on me or if i just got sick of his behavior twards me he would make it out to be my fault.

like he accually told me he cheated becasue the other girl would drink and party with him, but i wouldnt because i feel there are better ways to have fun.

when we broke up i went on a date with a guy from my class. and we had fun, but i dint exactly feel right with him. all night i was kinda uncomfortable and scared about how things could wind up. and my ex kept sending both of us texts and yelling at us in school so much that we never tried to go out again. which is sad because we had gone to see the hunger games mainly becasue we both read the book and wanted to compare the movie to the book.

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Heather
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So, am I geting right that so far you:
• dated one guy who turned out to be gay, but wasn't out at the time or firm in his attractions to men himself,
• dated one guy who was abusive, and
• dated one guy who...well, you don't know his deal at all since you didn't have anything but one date?

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mysticgal12
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yes. and before all them i "dated" a guy ( i put it that way cuz we never really hung out face to face) who would also get mad at everything i did and was very demanding of me. like if i didnt get up at 8 in the morning he would get mad and throw a huge fit and he always expected complete control over me. but i left him 3 weeks into our relationship.
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Heather
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(I have to go into a meeting with a volunteer, but I'll pop back here in a couple hours when I'm done.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Okay.

So, I'm not seeing a longstanding pattern here, of either of these things, honestly.

People often won't know who they are and aren't attracted to or their sexual identity when they're younger: that's just going to happen.

Obviously that deal with the one date is just a one date. And while it sucks WHY you couldn't explore beyond what sounded like a good date, dates don't turn into anything more LOADS of the time for a whole bunch of reasons.

But when I look at the two experiences with abuse, if I'm looking for anything you can control from here on out, I'm seeing one relationship (online, I assume) where when the cues things weren't healthy came up, you got out of there fast. Good stuff.

But then with the other, it looks like cues were there and you didn't go. but got further involved while more and more were happening and stayed involved as things got worse.

Now, it's always a lot easier to leave something where the way to be away from someone is to just click an X at the top of a screen and delete emails. So, there's that right there: leaving is tougher with in-person relationships of all kinds.

So, if there's anything at all moving forward to prevent another abusive relationship as you can, it seems to me that remembering to trust your gut, be on the lookout for problematic things from the start and be ready to get gone, no second chances, etc. if this kind of stuff you've talked about comes up will help you out a lot.

But really, I don't see any reason to think there's no one out there for you based on just these four relationships or interactions. I know it can feel like that, I do, especially before some longer life perspective where you start to see just how many people we can meet or get involved with before we really connect, but really, I don't see any reason to think you're doomed in this respect. [Smile]

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mysticgal12
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thanks that really does make me feel better [Smile]

i think that maybe i rushed too fast into a relationship with my ex. lots of bad things were happening at that time and i think maybe i just got involved because he seemed nice and i desperately wanted some single person to be there.

and i realize this isn't the best way to choose someone.

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Heather
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It's not, but you know, it happens to the best of us.

I think the takeaway from things like that when we realize they happened is just to make a mental note that at times like that, it's usually more sound to seek out platonic friendships than serious sexual/romantic relationships.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mysticgal12
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i think so too. and this weekend i may even go and hang out with the guy i dated that turned out to be gay, and his twin. they dont expect anything from me and i get a good feeling around them and their family.

our relationship changed but its accually stronger than when we dated. if that makes any sense? and besides my ex didnt like him so throughout our relationship i wasnt allowed to talk to the twins, and lately ive been reaching out to them more. im getting excited and a kinda nervous about hanging out with them again.

im terrified that they and their family doesnt like me anymore for listening to my ex and cutting contact with them.

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Heather
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Nice!

And for sure that makes sense. I often think of how we form relationships with people as each of us, together, trying to find what relationship is right for us as individuals and people together. In other words, rather than looking for a boyfriend or a friend or whatever, we connect with people and, over time, see what relationship best fits us both. So, for sure, we can find that someone we first got involved with in one way, but where that didn't work, winds up being a way better relationship when it's a different kind. [Smile]

And why not talk to them about what you feel scared of?

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mysticgal12
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i have and they tell me im being silly. but sometimes i feel guilty for what i did.
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Heather
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How do you think you might be able to work through that guilt and get past it?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mysticgal12
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i think maybe if i keep going around them and keep hanging out with them and mending my relationships with all of them things might get better. and even if they dont it would make me happy to do that anyway. my ex has lowered my self esteem and confidence alot through everything he has told me, and i know that getting back out with my friends will help alot
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Heather
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I think that's a grand plan, all around. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mysticgal12
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im glad. [Smile] it helps to be able to talk things through like this, without being yelled at or told to just get over it.

its too hard to just get over it

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Heather
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I think it's safe to say that nobody "just gets over" anything of any import.

Working through big stuff is a process, for everyone, and that process is actually important. We usually get more from it, really, than whatever it results in.

So, you rock on with your bad (but really, good) process, whatever it might be, mysticgal.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mysticgal12
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thanks!
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mysticgal12
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Hey, i know i havent posted here in awhile...but i got highly upset one night, and i couldnt stop crying. i called my best friend and told her absolutly everything that happened with my ex and i. ....and she came to different conclusions about it than i did. but im not sure if they are correct or not
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Redskies
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Hi, mysticgal12. Would you like to talk about your friend's reaction?

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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mysticgal12
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I would.

whith everything i told her, she simply said that she believed that not only was he abusive, but that i had been raped. regardless of whether i was dating him, and regardless that he never really got physical with me

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Redskies
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It sounds like your friend was basically supportive of what you were saying to her, which is usually a good thing.

As a bottom line, we, the person that experienced something, get to define what that something was and what it means to us. Sometimes, we like to consider other people's ideas as a way to figure out what we think.

Certainly, whether something is rape or not is not at all dependent on whether we were dating someone or whether they physically forced us.

Did your friend say why she thought that?

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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