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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » finding a therapist... help?

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Author Topic: finding a therapist... help?
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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Hey again,

I hope it's ok im posting this here... I am in need of some advice and im at a big loss.

So acc finally agreed to fund private therapy for me which is huge as I won't be all on my own anymore and will finally have someone in person to talk to about the abuse stuff. So they gave me a list of all the private counsellors who deal with sexual abuse and it's like two pages long. So I called a couple but I didn't get a lot of information from those calls about how they actually do therapy other than a whole bunch of their qualifications which doesn't always mean that they will be the best match for me.

But I don't know how to chose someone, I have no idea what to ask or what I even need. Some of them are psychologists some counsellors, some psychotherapists... I don't know what one I need? Does anyone have any idea of how im supposed to choose or what type is best for my situation?

I am a little bit anxious, ok a lot anxious about choosing the right one because I will be telling this person some of the worst and most dark times of my life which just feels humiliating at the best of times but I really don't want it to be for nothing. I know I only want to speak to a female because I can't talk to a man about this stuff. I know I want someone who won't just want to stick me in a hospital and who understands the difference between my bi polar stuff and my trauma stuff.

Im scared and happy that it's finally happening. I am scared that I will start to work on it and then they will go away and I will be passed around to other people like in the past.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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That's fantastic news!

I'd say a good strategy for this is to see if you can't first get the list narrowed down to three different therapists to meet in person and see from there if any of them feels like a fit for you.

To get to THAT, how about first making a little list of what you can screen out just based on the piece of paper or some phone calls?

For instance, you're clear you'd prefer a woman to talk to, so you can cross out people who seem to clearly identify as men.

Next up, you can screen out people who are just too far away for you to get to, and anything else like that that is on the sheet for you to see.

I don't think the type of therapist is likely to be such a big issue. I think most important for you is that you find someone who works well with childhood sexual abuse survivors. Might you be able to get back to the rape crisis center or women's refuge, show someone there the sheet, and see if any of the names on it are people they know and would recommend?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

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I was going to respond but Heather thought of everything I did, I think her method should help you out.

I'm glad to hear you'll be able to have someone to talk through this stuff with.

Best wishes.

PS, if you find a therapist who seems ideal, but then when you're talking to them something just doesn't gel, it's not as though you need to keep seeing them, you can see one of the other therapists on that list, chances are with that many names you'll find someone you can click with [Smile]

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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Thanks both of you, much appreciated!

I have gone through my list and narrowed it down quite a bit, I emailed those ones and will follow up with a call too.

I am looking forward to having someone to talk to but im feeling really nervous too. I guess when you wait for something for ages like I have this a actually didn't expect it to happen. Maybe I won't be able to even do it right now, I don't know if talking it out will be something I can actually do without gettin sick again. I don't want to go crazy again, im scared of that. Im scared that this will tip me over that edge again. But I also want to be able to talk to a counsellor so badly. What is wrong with me?

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moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
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I really don't think it's anything wrong with you that's making you feel nervous about this, in fact I think it's something right with you. If I understand correctly, there's been many people in your life who have betrayed your trust, and now you're going to be meeting someone whom you intend, if all goes well, to trust with the things that make you feel vulnerable and scared. It's perfectly understandable that this is scary and it's perfectly normal to be afraid that this will make you sick again. But here's how I see it, if you don't go and talk to the counselor and address the things that have made you sick before, the chances of you getting sick again are greater than if you address those things. And if the counselor knows what they're doing, and I think you'd know if they didn't before you started telling them important things, well if they know what they're doing they'll be able to tell when things are getting to be too much for you and how to handle that.

I hope I didn't overstep any bounds with what I said above, that just how I see it and I may be way off.

I'm glad to hear you were able to narrow down the list and I encourage you to keep refining it.

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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Thanks so much,

I don't feel so strange now. I heard back today from the therapists I short listed, none are taking on new cases, two of them gave me a list of people to try who I called but all were fully booked up with full case loads already for next year. So im trying a few of the ones that are further away and hoping I don't hit dead ends with them too. Im feeling exhausted this week and so over the Christmas stuff. I will be spending it with family which is good as I get to see my niece but bad as I always leave feeling so down on myself.

I also have started dating someone who is pretty cool really but I know I can't go too fast. I will try not to, but this one is at least nice to me. It wasn't planned but it's just kind of happened.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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This might sound horribly patronizing, and I'm sorry if it does, but do we need to revise the talk about how sex or dating relationships aren't things that "just happen," but are active choices?

I ask because I know that ideology about these things has been one you've voiced before, and in our history, it's also one I've noticed seems to be a setup for bad news for you (or anyone, for that matter).

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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