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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » (for heather) Continuation of my problems

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Author Topic: (for heather) Continuation of my problems
BreakingSilence
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Now that everything is all said and done, can he still get in trouble for sexual, physical and mental abuse ? ... Is a lie detector necessary? Or does it have tO be requested through a court? Is court an option/good idea? Or is it too late since it's been 4 years

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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When it comes to childhood sexual abuse, in the states, there is a long statute of limitations on reporting or pressing charges. And that's for good reason: it often takes people a LONG time to even know or understand they were abused as children, and as well, a lot of people don't feel safe to do that while they're still living in the home.

So, yes, he can still be charged with crimes. Whether or not a lie detector is used is something you'd have to ask your distract attorney handling your case about if and when it got to that point. (But we can certainly talk about why that concerns you.)

Whether or not pressing charges and potentially going through a case is a good thing really depends on the individual involved. People can find the resolution they need that way, and certainly, if someone is charged, it often helps keep others safe. It can also be very stressful, and not everyone is up to that. But really, these are questions best posed to the resource I linked you too, especially since they'll know all the specifics with the laws and pressing charges in your area.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BreakingSilence
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Thank you. The reason a lie detector concerns me is because all he ever says is that I'm stupid and crazy, and he has my own mother believing it. I just think the lie detector will be my proof if I did take him to court, (which I'd need?) also can I still press charges for physical abuse?

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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BreakingSilence
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Can charges be pressed if I was 18 or older and sexually & physically abused? I can't believe he's gotten away with it.. Do I need proof for these allegations? Was i wrong for waiting?I just want my mom to believe me, I want justice and peace of mind.

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Heather
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Yes, they usually can. It's not like it's lawful to sexually abuse or assault an adult, either. No matter how old someone is, sexual abuses and assaults are crimes.

Generally, if a report results in charges being pressed, there needs to be some evidence to support allegations, be that on our body, in your health history, statements from witnesses, etc.

I really, really think you need to connect with that resource and ask them to also connect you to someone practicing law in this area where you live, though. That's the person with the best answers to these kinds of questions. I'm neither a lawyer nor am I familiar with the specifics of how these cases go in your state and county.

You know, the hard thing, too, is that if your motivation for reporting and moving forward is to get your mother to believe you, I need to tell you that STILL may not result in that. I know it seems like it should, but people's denial around sexual abuse in the family is usually very, very strong, and changing that tends to take more than a court ruling. That doesn't mean it might not happen that way, but I just want to make sure you know that it also might not, so if you go forward with reporting and pressing charges, I'd make sure you have your own reasons for doing so, and it's something you'd want to do even if your Mom didn't change her mind or her behaviour.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BreakingSilence
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Thank you very much f

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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BreakingSilence
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Thank you very much fOr all your help and advice. I feel like I'm really getting somewhere. He's just treated me terrible my whole life and doesn't deserve for everyone to believe he's just some good hearted man who did the best he could for me, but I'm just "crazy and ungrateful".

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, I don't know how much you know about people who are abusive, but I promise, it's not just you in this spot.

Abusive people are usually EXCELLENT manipulators. They are also often people who seem just awesome to almost everyone BUT the people they choose to abuse. They tend to get very, very good at developing a "front" in order to hide what's going on with them behind closed doors, and to be able to continue to abuse as they want to.

That all is really awful, it always is, but it's also the story of SO many survivors of ongoing abuse, and the more you can connect with them, the less alone I think you'll feel in this.

When you have people p[resenting you as crazy for a long time, it can be so easy to feel like you are at a certain point, so I think connecting with others like that will help you feel a lot better in that respect.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BreakingSilence
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Thank you! I know very little about abusers. I know they're good at what they do...To this day I try to convice myself that I'm imagining things when I know I'm not! What you said is all very true when it comes to him, he lies a lot, and everyone does think he's awesome!.. It's been hard to cope with this. I can't wait to start treatment so I can over come this. I do have another question what category do sexual comments fall under? Still sexual abuse? Thanks [Smile]

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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