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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » overwhelmed and venting...

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Author Topic: overwhelmed and venting...
Member # 45568

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I just found out that my abuser's (my brother) records have been officially expunged. The legal fees were paid by my parents, who at first outright blamed me for what happened.

I feel like this isn't fair for a number of reasons. I don't think it's right that he essentially gets away with this while I'm stuck with it. He only spent eleven months in a jail therapy program after being convicted of aggravated sexual assault. He never had to register as a sex offender. Now even employers and the FBI can't see his records. He is legally allowed to lie about the offense.

I feel betrayed by my parents, who were dismayed by my not being thrilled at the news. Seriously, they thought I'd be happy to hear this because it means that "he can lead a normal life now." They said that he has already paid his debt to society and shouldn't be punished anymore. That I should be vindicated by the conviction alone. It feels like they once again trivialized what I went through. I know my parents are in a tough spot between us, but I can't help feeling that they should have been on my side here.

It sucks because I'm struggling with this and he is able to put it behind him. I went through years of guilt over how telling the truth tore apart my family. He never showed any remorse for what he did and continues to blame me and my parents for just about everything wrong in his life. I'm stuck having to hide or explain my PTSD symptoms to partners and friends. He is entitled to lie to anyone he pleases.

I guess I'm mostly fishing for some words of support. And to those of you who also didn't get the justice you were looking for, how have you dealt with these feelings?

Posts: 97 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 95317

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Something very similar has happened to me, so a lot of this is just personal frustration and venting. The only thing I can advise is to get away from all of your toxic, insufferable and abusive family now.

They think you're wrong for punishing him and for wanting him to suffer like you have. They're just abusive, evil people who could never even begin to understand what you've been through.

If you can, just cut them out of your life as quickly as possible. It's the only way you can heal properly. They're harming you even more and you've been through more than enough.

Posts: 1 | From: Switzerland | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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