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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Could use someone to talk to right now

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Author Topic: Could use someone to talk to right now
skiesofgreen
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I'm not sure if anyone's around the boards right this second, but if anyone is I could use someone to talk to. I'm just feeling pretty down right now. I had a really bad day yesterday where I couldn't stop thinking about what happened with my ex and it was incredibly upsetting and tiering. I ended up calling Jude and studying at his place so that I was somewhere I felt it was ok to be upset (I feel I need to hide it at my house because I don't want to answer questions, plus my house can just feel a little uncomfortable in general when I feel like that because some of what happened with my abuser happened here).

Anyways right now I'm just feeling upset, and drained, and I have an exam tomorrow that I can't seem to get any studying done for. So if anyone was around to talk for a bit, or to give me some tips for calming down/focusing I'd appreciate that. I just need to be ok for one more day and then I have winter break and I'll be able to be as miserable and/or happy as I want.

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Heather
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I confess to being a bit worn out at this point of the day myself, so can't offer you my best, but didn't want to leave you hanging.

What's your safe psychic space like? In other words, with any kind of stress or upset, what are the things you know you can do to get you as close to your happy place as possible?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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skiesofgreen
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Reading for sure is probable number one, unfortunately I don't really have the time at present to engross myself in a book. Yoga or a long bath and sleep can also help but again, right this second, I do need to study.

Mindless internet clicking isn't really happy space inducing but it's a good calmer.

Small things I can think of would be tea. If I can find a song that fits the moment that often helps too. When it comes to stress organizing (lists, mutli-coloured highlighters/pens) has a calming effect on me, which is perhaps half the reason this exam is harder to focus on after yesterdays stress, in that I feel I don't really know what I need to study (the professor is terribly disorganized).

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skiesofgreen
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Also thanks for replying, I appreciate it. Though if you're taking off for the night I, of course, totally understand.
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Heather
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What if you start with a book -- or maybe a short story or poem -- that's one you know is a familiar comfort? I do that often enough.

If you need something new, one of my personal fave build-me-up pieces is this one: http://www.breakoutofthebox.com/strongwomen.htm

Make some tea, then, too. Maybe make a real ritual out of it. And when you're drinking it, I can offer you this with the clicky-clicky, the outtakes from the first attempt at a Muppets film: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8dzWJtME3Q

(Secretly, I may really just want someone outside my immediate circle to giggle at the in jokes from those with, I confess. But still.)

Also, muffins. No, really. MUFFINS: http://www.muffinfilms.com/

Or Big Bunny. This one is a personal fave when I need to bring on the silly distractions: http://www.big-bunny.com/bun05.htm (I know, I'm a little demented sometimes. If silly-demented doesn't make you feel better, you might want to skip that one.)

I hear you, too, with office supply fetishism being a help (so right there with you). But maybe for tonight, you do the non-school related stuff first, then see if all of that gets you back to the studying place?

[ 12-18-2011, 09:42 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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skiesofgreen
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Ok, thanks for the suggestions. School stuff can wait half an hour I guess. I think I'll go get some tea and grab a piece of pie and read the link you suggested.

Also I totally forgot about Muffins! I discovered it with my sister a couple years ago but I haven't been there in a long time. Muffins. I tell you. So good.

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skiesofgreen
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"Cant we do it again Ma?"
"Shut up Emmet."

Brilliant

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Heather
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I cannot express how delighted I am we can now share these jokes, and how when I'm busy, I can now say to you, "I can't! My feet are stapled!" [Razz]

Hope this morning finds you feeling a little better. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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skiesofgreen
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Or when in particular distress "Son, I'm going to lie down on the pavement now"

Things are feeling much better this morning thank you. I managed to get some studying done and went to bed (relatively) early. Now to get this all over with!

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Heather
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[Big Grin]

So glad to hear that.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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skiesofgreen
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I'm feeling pretty low again at this exact moment for two reasons. Firstly because I was triggered yesterday when fooling around with my boyfriend and I've been feeling off ever since. And secondly because my proactiveness with reaching out for help seems to have halted and I'm trying to make a small step by coming here so I can get back into doing that again. I was contacted two weeks ago by a centre that does counseling for women who've experienced sexual assault telling me I'd come up on the list for a group session and to call them back and I never called back. I've been mentally using the excuse that I accidentally deleted the message (which is true) but really I was just scarred. Not so much of counseling, I've done that, but the group setting. But now I'm worried I've missed my chance. I deleted the message accidentally so I don't know when the group would have started but I'm sure it already has, and if it hasn't I'm sure my spot has been given up, and I really just don't know what to do. I feel like I should contact them and tell them what happened but I'm not sure what number to call, and as silly as it might be I feel like I'll be judged for having backed out. But I don't want them to think I'm uninterested and take me off the list for one on one counseling either.

Also the counseling office at my university gave me a list of places to look into for counseling (they can only provide me support their until I find some place else) and I'm just so scarred to look into them. I mean I generally have a bit of a phobia around phone calls but this is just so much bigger than even that.

The worst part is I haven't told anyone, and the longer I go without telling anyone the more I feel I'll be judged when I do. But I also think that I might need someone's help in actually reaching out. Normally I'd turn to my boyfriend but I am scarred of him being disappointed with me and more than anything I don't want to put something else on his plate when he is so very obviously really stressed right now with school. I have other friends I could talk to though, I'm just so caught in the cycle of being scarred and frozen right now though that I'm having a really hard time doing anything about it.

I'm just feeling very alone.

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eryn_smiles
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Sorry to hear that you're feeling so low [Frown] . Were you able to tell your boyfriend about feeling triggered yesterday?

I think it's great that you felt able to come here again and ask for help [Smile] . I want you to know that no-one here is judging you and that what happened to you was not- in any way- your fault. It's important to take steps towards healing at your own pace and try to be gentle and patient with yourself. Sometimes you will feel scared and frozen but those times will pass, I promise. This will get better. Can you identify one friend who might be a good potential first person to talk to?

Going to group therapy for the first time can certainly feel daunting. I would bet that it's relatively common for people to sometimes back out of sessions without notice (for whatever reason) and I would hope that the facilitators and participants were sensitive around that. It sounds like a good idea to contact them again when you feel ready. When I am going to a new support group, I sometimes find it helpful to meet and talk with another member beforehand and go along to the group with them. Facilitators can help arrange this if you ask them.

What makes you think your boyfriend would be disappointed WITH you (rather than disappointed/sad/angry about what has happened to you)? How do you think he might feel if he knew you were dealing with a heavy trauma all by yourself because you didn't want to stress him out? What if you were in his shoes- would you want him to be able to talk with you, even if you were already stressed with school?

Please do take care of yourself, I am thinking of you.

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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skiesofgreen
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Thanks for replying eryn, sorry for not getting back to you.

I was able to talk to my boyfriend about getting triggered, as soon as it happened no less, which is a MAJOR improvement for me as it was one of the biggest struggles we've had with our sex life.

I also was able to tell him about not having contacted the group and he was completely supportive (which I really should have known he would be, I was just feeling very low and not thinking clearly) and also the councillor at school I'm seeing temporarily. Needless to say I was able to get back in touch with them with their help. I'm not going to be able to get into the program this time around, but my name's still on the list, so that's good.

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eryn_smiles
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Those sound like really big brave steps! Good on you [Smile] and I hope that things continue to improve.

--------------------
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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