Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Sadly, I'm back (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 6 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6   
Author Topic: Sadly, I'm back
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 13 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi,

Well it's been a long time since I was last here. I have been through a lot this year, good and bad, we had the earthquake which buried me in my house, but I survived remarkably mostly unharmed. And I went to rehab for drinking and drug use, and have now been clean for 8 and a half months from both. I am living in a great place and have friends back that I had not been in contact with for a long time. But the past came back to bite me a few weeks ago when I guess I became too complacent and walked home from the mall on my own in the evening and was followed by the man who abused me for the last 16 years and raped on a river bank where he dragged me off the street. I feel so so stupid. I went to hospital and got the rape kit, and DNA. And made a police report. For the first time we are going to court, and I am going through with it. I know I should be feeling happy about it but I feel like a terrified wreck.

My family are not involved, at my request not to tell them. That may seem strange but it is a long and complicated story there that I won't get into, basically I am doing this on my own. I have a great counsellor and case manager through mental health services who are supporting me, but I feel so isolated and alone. I have to open up to strangers about the darkest secrets and most painful events of my life. I'm so scared. NZ is not the greatest when it comes to these cases and I have been warned that I will probably achieve very little with this, but I have to, I cant handle this fear anymore. I cant handle going through another rape. I just cant do that anymore. Its landed me in psych hospital wards often in the last year and I cant keep living that way.

I guess i just needed to come back here because this is where i first came and the first place I found support. I can't do this on my own. I am so afraid of all of this. I just need to know that I am not crazy for making this choice. Thanks for being here again.

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ems: I have not been able to come to the boards today because I've a horrid head cold that is making me way too stupid to soundly hold the responsibility of direct service.

So, please know I've seen this and the very second I am more intelligent, you will have my full attention.

I can't express enough how upset and angry I am that this man attacked you yet again, nor how proud I am of you for doing all that you can to seek justice, even though I know it has got to be incredibly scary. That wasn't a crazy choice; I think it was a very wise and very brave one.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks so much Heather, I hope your head cold is short lasting and that you feel better soon.
Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sorry that you had to wait.

Like I said, I'm very glad that you reported. This person has been abusing and terrorizing you for pretty much the whole of your life, so I think doing all you can to protect yourself and to try and get some justice is super important.

If I'm remembering right, back when he assaulted you the last time, you got connected with a rape victims advocacy group in your area: do I have that right? If so, are they still there? I think connecting with them again to grow your support circle would be very beneficial, especially to make sure you have someone in-person and local to help you through this legal process.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks heather,

It's so good to be back here with this, it makes me feel so much less isolated. I tried to get in touch with the rape advocacy group this time, but since the earthquake they have moved and have not set up their service again as they lost their buildings and many of the workers so I have not had any luck. I did have someone come and sit with me through the rape kit which was really good as I was quite upset about being in that spot again. I have been told by the police that even though he has recently been in prison for child pornography charges that the chances of getting much justice are not great because of my mental illness, which scares me as it was the same situation as when I tried to get a protection order against my boyfriend last year as he ran me over with my car and held me hostage and I still lost as they said maybe my perception of it was wrong. It wasnt, my perception at all, and the police were on my side and we still lost.

I suppose I am scared because if I lose, he will kill me, if I win, one of his friends might. Last year when I reported he found me and broke all the ribs down my left side, I am scared it will be worse this time. I withdrew that report because of that last year. Im honestly terrified of this, but I am terrified of living anymore years being raped by him and stalked. I can't take that anymore.

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
One thing I know I can certainly do, if it will help, is write a letter to your law enforcement. Are you working with legal counsel yet? If so, if you want to ask them if they think that would help, as someone who has worked with you for a long time, know I'd be more than willing. I could certainly also speak with authority about the link between mental illness and childhood and adolescent sexual abuse: in fact, just this year some excellent study has come out about that. I think both you and I know that your mental illness has a whole lot to do with the abuse you suffered.

I understand why you're feeling so afraid. But I also think it's perhaps way past time to talk about you getting away from that area altogether and staying away. I know it sucks to be uprooted because of this, and that resources are hardly a non-issue, but your safety and your feeling of safety is pretty major when it comes to your well-being.

I think we should do all we can to try and have you win here, mind and put our focus on that first and foremost. But if you want to also talk about what steps you can start to take for that other what-if, we can do that, too.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I will ask them about that for sure, thanks so much Heather. Things are so backward here it's so unfair on women and rape victims, not just me, but even children. I know i have to move, I am going to live with my sister in the United Arab Emirates for a month in jan for a break. But then when I am back I am worried. I have an awesome counsellor here who I really don't want to lose, she is so fantastic and has done this for 20 years, good ones like her are so hard to find here. I am living with my cousin and her two small children as she is on her on and on welfare and I take care of the kids to help her. I don't know how she would survive if i left at the moment, as I give my welfare to her. I get $160 per week to live on, and my rent is $150 so money for moving is tight. I don't have money for groceries or heating as it is, so I just don't know how I would ever manage to get out of here. I feel so trapped.

I am trying so hard to be positive and to not let myself get down because they will put me back in hospital and it's a scary place to be.

I am basically trying to fight a system which will never help out someone like me. It's such a suffocating feeling.

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
by the way, I am so sorry to just arrive back here with this screwed up situation at this time of year. I know it's not very cool to disappear, not help out at all and then arrive back this way. I really appreciate you Heather.
Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You know, I really think that you need to think of YOU first for a while.

You know that I totally appreciate issues of caretaking others, and I hope you know I think you're lovely to help your cousin like that, but let's get real. You are voicing earnest concerns for your life, concerns I think are valid based on the past. You can't help anyone if you're dead. You're takking about how you don't know how she'd survive if you weren't there, but then saying you don't know if you will if you stay. can you see the conflict there?

Long story short, your cousin can figure out how to take care of herself and her kids or get help from someone who doesn't have to risk their life or well-being (or money that is supposed to be for their own care) to give it. Now you have to figure out how to do the same for you.

Well, not NOW, when it comes to moving. But I think you've known for a long time that living in that area has always been awful and dangerous for you, so digging your heels or life in there more just strikes me, IMO, as something that isn't good for you. And if your life isn't good for you, you can't really be good for anyone else.

Have you talked to the counselor you like about these safety issues and protecting yourself? Or about possibly moving? What about working not to put or keep yourself in positions where you get stuck because someone else needs you in ways that really aren't sound per what YOU need?

(This all might be too much for right now, btw, and if so, that's okay. But if you're going to talk about your life and health being in danger, then we do need to deal with that and talk about sound solutions. Just staying put and not doing anything differently is, as you know, not a sound solution.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You don't owe me or anyone else any apologies, Ems. Seriously. And what has just happened to you is not your fault. I'm just glad you feel able to ask for the help and support you need.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know what you mean, reading what i just wrote does sound seriously wrong. I guess everytime I try to make some decisions around myself I get completely overwhelmed with the problems of everyone else in my life, which i know i create on my own as a distraction to my own problems. I talked to my counsellor about it and she is keen for me to find a safe place here as I need to stay for the trials etc. But she is thinking more womens refuge etc while that goes on. I have gotten myself out of here before, like when I moved to canada, which was like heaven on earth, and I would be over the moon to get back there, and I know my friends there are keen too as they call me often and I would have a place to stay which is ideal. So that is kind of my main plan, but its the money issue. When I get back from the UAE I will get work again, and save to get out of here, but in the mean time, I am a bit stuck.

I feel like my whole life has caught up with me, I shut out a lot of stuff for a long time and thats how I got clean etc, but its all back and its really head f***ing me to be honest. It's like an effort to breathe most days.

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think setting you up on a safe women's shelter through this process sounds like a good idea, too.

Have you two taken steps to make that happen ASAP? If not, can you get started on that today?

Let's try and take this one step at a time, okay? I'm not surprised you're feeling overwhelemed, so I think if we do baby steps here that might help you feel...well, less whelmed. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I guess I could try to get in touch with them about when I get back from the UAE. I don't want to take another womens place though as lots of ppl in there have nowhere else to live, and I wouldnt want to put someone on the street when I have a place to live right now. I will email them know and ask a few questions about the whole thing.

I know your babysteps have worked for me before so I'm up for it. [Razz]

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
YOU are a woman in need of safe shelter. YOU. You would not be taking a place meant for someone else, because you are EXACTLY the sort of person these places are intended for.

YOU are voicing serious concerns about your safety. So, you need to do what you can to make yourself as safe as possible.

And I can assure you that in no shelter system like this is someone going to get kicked out to make room for you: I think you already know that, too.

I hope you know by now how much of this stuff is not your fault. At the same time, I think you also do know by now that there are some things you could improve on to make yourself more safe, less vulnerable, and on a track with your life that would really improve it. And all of that stuff really is about you, and will involve changing some long-established patterns I think it's clear you've been pretty stuck in for a while, or tend to kind of fall back to when getting out of them starts to happen.

Again, baby steps, but how about the first thing you do is make some calls to your counselor and anyone else she suggests to first assure you have a safe pace to be in for, let's say, the next month. Deal?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If I can suggest another baby step, if you're up to it? Sounds to me like you need to make clear to your cousin that you are in no position to caretake anyone else right now, so she needs to do her own work right now to stop dependence on you, financial or otherwise.

Giving her that heads-up now is important for you and her. For you, so you can start changing the pattern of getting wedged into something that isn't sound for you to avoid taking care of yourself (which I think is part of this), and for her, so that as you transition into doing what you need to do for you, she won't get blindsided and will have the time to do what she needs to to take care of herself and the family she chose to create and take responsibility for.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh!

Also, what's your self-care stuff right now? I know in the past, in crisis like this you've sometimes picked up some things that aren't so healthy, so let's make sure you've got yourself an ongoing little list of healthy ways to take care of you during all of this, okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yeah I do need to talk to my cousin about it because I have been the kids main caregiver for a while now and it's starting to wear me down a lot, I do love them and she is a great mum but just has Benn depressed so I have been tryin to look after them all.

Self care wise I have been pretty good except for sleeping and eating which I don't do a lot of, I have been having serious hate of my body lately and need to work on it I know. I have not picked up a drink or drug but god I feel like it now. I could quite easily get wasted and while away a few days but I won't, I won't do that to myself and it would prob end up very bad as I have been struggling with suicidal stuff which is worse when using.

I have been stuck in a relationship where I know I am used only for sex, but don't know how. To get out of right now, so I am kind of on the edge of breaking point

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay, so on your self-care list, how about we add:
• more sleep
• more food you enjoy and makes you feel good
• doing something with your body you know always makes you feel good in it (didn't you used to surf?)
• setting limits (that's a biggie I know, but maybe even tonight if your cousin asks you to do her caretaking/parenting for her, you take a pass?)

I'm about to pack it in for the day, and again, I don't want to try and have you tackle too much at once. How about for the rest of today/tonight, you look into that shelter and then do some of this self-care? Tomorrow we can maybe think together of a step you can take to get out of the relationship you're in you don't feel good about, or to at least get more ready to do that.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
We just had another earthquake here and another wall fell off our house soon being called out to help . Bit over these now!!
Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
All ok with earthquake apart from someone managing to rob us while we were out on the street, it's not helping my ability to stay positive, this place is gettin me really down. I will make those calls heather, I can't cope with this anymore. I will try to get some sleep and eat a little but I am now goin to have to try to beg my mother to help me out as my purse was stolen and the kids Christmas gifts. So the stress has just increased tenfold.
Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
Peer Ambassador
Member # 35643

Icon 1 posted      Profile for eryn_smiles         Edit/Delete Post 
Hello Em, I don't know you but am so sorry to read about everything you're going through. My best friend and her family also live in your city and I'm thinking of you all. You guys have been through so much already this year. Kia kaha, take care. You sound like an incredibly strong person already.

[ 12-23-2011, 04:23 AM: Message edited by: eryn_smiles ]

--------------------
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

Posts: 1326 | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh sweet jaysis. I hope you and everyone else are okay. [Frown]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Four more and we are still ok, just hard on the kids as now we have to do so much work on the place again to cover up the missing walls etc, at least it's summer here. Thanks for the good vibes, we will be fine, just more that . Have to deal with no top of everything it's hard to look on the bright she'd
Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm glad you're okay, even though I imagine that the fact that the environment seems to be mirroring your life right now is pretty darn awful.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It really is. It's one thing trying to clean up the physical mess of all of this but emotionally I am at my wits end at this stage. Today has been rough, I hate Christmas time even without all of this. I have been having nasty flashbacks the last few days about the holidays spent at my dads place as a kid with my abuser. Not fun. Also our house is currently full of booze which is SO difficult as I am usually not having to deal with that temptation, but god its hard. I don't feel like I can keep doing this with everything that's happening. I am feeling down and out right now. trying to be positive is not helping, but I will keep it up for the kids who are totally spooked from the earthquakes that rattled us all night.

I just want to go to bed and sleep for the next few months. I don't know how I can go through with this trial etc when my life is so damn crappy.

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This is the house you share with your cousin? If so, how about asking her to please put the booze at least out of sight?

I know all of this has got to be so tough, but you CAN ask for help or at the very least, common courtesy. especially from someone you have clearly been going out of your way to help out.

You know, though, while you are there with the kinds, I don't know about you, but sometimes escaping into kid-space can really help with the bad stuff. While I do think you need to move away from the position you're in, if you're still in it now, how about just totally throwing yourself into fun stuff with the kids?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yeah I have been trying to spend as much kid time as I can right now but unfortunately securing walls etc has been taking priority as we are worrying about the kiddos being crushed by more bricks etc falling down with the aftershocks. Im also not in the best shape right now physically and am booked in for surgery because I am in constant pain after the last attack as he used a knife inside my vagina and I now I am just so uncomfortable all the time its hard to get out with the kids and play.
Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh, Ems. Yet again, we need that hug button so badly here.

I'm so sorry. Is there anything at all any of us can do from here?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
We will be okay it's just really rough at the moment. A hug button would be good though I must admit. I am not having surgery till april but I have a feeling after these earthquakes it will be put back again a couple of months. The most annoying thing is i cant take pain meds for it because of addiction issues etc, and not supposed to have hot baths which is the only thing that seems to help with the pain. The worst thing is that the pain just reminds me of the attack etc and that is hard, its like I cant escape it at all.
Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Of course.

Have you been able to increase your counseling visits at all? If not, can you?

How about the option of some alternative pain relief, like acupuncture or massage therapy? Is that available anywhere around you?

Look, even if it isn't affordable for you, this is one of those thing where I think it would be sound to dip into the small emergency fund we have for users.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
(I'm afraid I need to log off for the day, but I'll be back early in my morning tomorrow.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
That's ok heather I hope you are feeling better too, you don't need to do that for me I will be ok I just need to push through it as best I can, I can't see my counsellor till Feb which is hard but she is so sweet she did call after the quake. Im very lucky to have you here and her, and so thankful for that.
Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
Peer Ambassador
Member # 35643

Icon 1 posted      Profile for eryn_smiles         Edit/Delete Post 
Hi Em, I hope you and your family are hanging in there ok. Just wanted to suggest a couple of options, please ignore if not helpful [Smile] . It must be crazy hard getting hold of WINZ post-quake but you may be eligible for a hardship payment or special needs grant for your pain management. Might be good to discuss with your WINZ case worker. As well, ACC occasionally funds things like acupuncture in addition to counselling for injury and abuse survivors- their office can advise you:
http://www.acc.co.nz/making-a-claim/what-support-can-i-get/ECI0016

Take care, am thinking of you too.

--------------------
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

Posts: 1326 | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

Icon 1 posted      Profile for nixieGurl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
hey eryn_smiles,

Thanks so much. i have been in touch with winz who were not willing to help, I left in tears after the woman made comments about me having been through rehab etc and wanting to rip off the government, which obviously was not the case. ACC will see me next year but said it wont be for at least four months, they have been paying for counselling for mental injury due to the rape and abuse but cant help me with anything else untill im assessed by their doctor and psychologist etc, and the wait on that will prob actually be pushed back more now with more earthquake injury etc taking priority as it did last time. So government is not being overly on my side with this right now.

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You counselor. she knows what has just happened to you?

If so, did she not give you someone else you could see if she can't see you for another two months?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 6 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3