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Author Topic: Sexual Abuse & Healing
healingmyhurt
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Member # 102438

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Hey there,

I'm a fifteen year old girl and I am in my first serious relationship. My boyfriend is a few months older than me and he is amazing. He treats me like a princess and showers me with love and affection. I truly believe he is the one. He and I get along so well and we are also best friends, not just boyfriend and girl friend. I suffer from clincial depression and I have for over a year and a half. I am on antidepressants and they help. I have also attempted to kill myself twice, the last time I attempted the only person I told was my boyfriend. He was extremely concerned and urged me to talk to my counsellor about it. I want to, but last time I told my counsellor, he told my parents and a lot of drama and stuff went down. I am doing much better since, and am really enjoying life though.

I have recently had more good days than bad, which is a change because last year I was so depressed, I had to take quite a lot of time off school. Anyway, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for close to three months but have been non offically together for roughly five months. Like I said before, him is amazing. He is my rock, my best friend and my soul mate.

Both of us were sexually abused when we were 8,9, 10ish. He was abused by his neighbour who was around his age and it only happened a few times. I was abused from the ages of 8-10 and it went on for about two years. It was by my sisters friend, so it was somebody the same gender as me. I never told anybody and only my boyfriend knows. It effected me very badly, and on Friday I opened up to my counsellor about it.
He was shocked and suprised, and said that this could have been a major trigger for my depression and everything.

I haven't told him exactly what happened but he knows it was by my sister's best friend, so it was by a girl and it went on for over a year and a half. She also threatened me many times and put a pillow over my mouth.
I am still very very effected by what happened, whenever somebody mentions her; I zone out and walk out of the room. I don't even like being friends with people who have the same name as her (Sarah) I realize that I still see myself as a victim, and that even now; she still has a lot of power over me. Everyday I wake up and I remember it all, it honestly haunts me. And last night I had a dream that it happened again and I was screaming and crying and my boyfriend couldn't save me [Frown]

I am very upset by it, especially now that I have finally told my counsellor.
I'm just...ah, I don't know...I feel like I'm trapped in the circle she had me stuck in...it was child on child sexual abuse...
She was my age but a lot taller and bigger than me, needless to say; I couldn't physically push her off me.
I have a lot more to say but I think I'll just post this and wait til somebody replies...
Also, does anybody know any quotes about sexual abuse and surviving?
I'd really appreciate it.
Thank you (:

[ 02-10-2013, 01:40 AM: Message edited by: healingmyhurt ]

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi healingmyhurt,

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much, but am glad to hear you've shared this with your counsellor. Sometimes after sharing painful things, they can feel more painful and scary for a time. It doesn't feel good, I know, and really isn't fair, but I think that's just how a lot of people's minds process pain.

Will you share your nightmare with your counsellor? It's important for them to know what's going on with you, and that this really really hurts.

Has your counsellor suggested any books for you to read about surviving abuse?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
healingmyhurt
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Member # 102438

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Hi there,

Sorry, I had school and was really busy so I didn't have time to reply. And yeah, it doesn't feel good at all :\
And probably not the nightmare but And about two days ago I had ..I don't know what you call it.. Like a flashback? Of what happened to me when I was abused

I had just come out of the bathroom at school and I was about to unlock the door and suddenly

I don't know I just felt like I was back there..the times it'd happened at school..and she was locking the door with me in the bathroom and ah [Frown] it was horrible! And so weird coz like the. Moment I touched the door and unlocked it I just kinda felt like it was happening again and it was soo scary and it scared me so much :\
i havent told anybody but my boyfriend
and no, he hasnt yet.. i havent seen my counsellor since i first told him about it..he has been away but he gets back on monday.

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi healingmyhurt,

That does sound scary! It's not at all unusual for different things to trigger a flashback. Anything from an action to a smell to, well, anything at all, can remind someone of something that happened during the abuse.

I'm concerned about you that you don't have anyone to confide in. What do you think about talking to your counsellor about building up your support network? it's important for you to have people around you who can support you when you're having a tough time.

Your counsellor can also give you ways to deal with flashbacks when they come up.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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