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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Why do we love those who hurt us?

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Author Topic: Why do we love those who hurt us?
XXXHayleyBabyXXX
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I seem to have a past of not just choosing the wrong guys but becoming extremely attached to people who treat me badly.

Why do I always have the urge to go running back knowing full well what will happen? Feels like an addiction sometimes. Some kind of traumatic bonding kinda thing??? low self esteem? or just plain stupidity? why cant I just walk away when it gets bad? Instead I let myself go through hell and for what? what am I getting out of it? sorry for rambling....i don't even know if this wil make sense to anyone just needed someone to talk to

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Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you

Posts: 73 | From: rockin the nation from a secret location haha | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Can I ask if you've yet sought out the counseling we've talked about you getting in the past?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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XXXHayleyBabyXXX
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Ya I went for a couple of months but stopped recently because I didn't feel like I was getting anything out of it

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Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you

Posts: 73 | From: rockin the nation from a secret location haha | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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This was since the last time we suggested it then, sometime between February and now?

Did you voice that feeling to your counselor before you stopped going?

And when you were going, were you earnestly participating, really sharing all of these things and your history, and doing whatever things your therapist suggested?

Before you left, did you ask them to suggest a different therapist if they weren't working out for you?

[ 06-14-2011, 05:31 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Hayley: I didn't mean to shut you down there, it just seems like you're asking us to try and do a kind of analysis that's really what only someone can do who sees you every week over time in a therapy setting.

We can talk more broadly about why people can have a hard time staying away from or getting out of abuse dynamics if you like, though. It's just that ultimately, in order to really change how you are in this respect, you're likely going to need some good, ongoing, in-person help.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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