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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » After Abuse

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Author Topic: After Abuse
shetalkstoangels
Neophyte
Member # 62145

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I am currently 19 years old. Starting at the age of 8 I was physically abused almost every day for 7 years by my step father. On top of that, I was sexually abused between the ages of 10 and 13 by a different person. My parents divorced when I was 7 and I was shown almost no affection from either parent. One house was filled with being beaten and at the other I was being sexually abused by the neighbor. I had no escape. Eventually my body shut down and I could not feel anymore. By this I mean physically, I could barely feel anything. I would be hit and have almost no reaction of pain. Emotionally I was void. Now almost 4 years after I have escaped all of it completely it still haunts me. I've had to teach myself how to feel. People describe sadness or guilt as a dagger in their gut or happiness and nervousness as butterflies in their stomach. I don't know what that is. I've taught myself that in certain situations I should feel a certain way, which means I should act a certain way. I still feel empty. I've been to therapy but I've just been told that repressing feelings is normal after abuse. I understand that. But I want it to go away. I don't want to have to force myself to be able to have emotion and feeling. I don't know what kind of answers anyone can give me, I mostly just want to get this all out. It's been on my mind a lot lately. Even if you have no answers, insight, your own experience, anything you have to add is appreciated.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm so glad you came to talk to us here and I'm so glad you survived your abuse so that you're still here in the world. I'm also so sorry you have had to go through all that you have: as you know, as we all know, no one should ever be put through abuse.

Your therapist that you've been working with, how long have you been seeing them for? Do they feel like a good fit for you? have you talked with them about what things you're going to try together to help you move out of repression and numbness and further along into your healing process?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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shetalkstoangels
Neophyte
Member # 62145

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It has helped a little just for the fact that I have someone to talk to that will listen. But at the same time it's hard because I feel like I'm not improving that much in terms of my emotions and numbness. I've seen a few different therapists over the years and they've told me the same thing that repression is normal and it will take a while for my brain to allow me to remember everything and allow myself to open up. It's all very frustrating but I'm also just proud of myself for everything I've overcome so far

[ 04-13-2011, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: shetalkstoangels ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(Just FYI, if that's your full name in your signature line, can you edit it out please? For everyone's privacy and safety here, we ask that people not sue or list their legal names. Thanks!)

The therapist you're seeing now: how long have you been in therapy with that therapist for? And is that therapist talking with you/working with you to try and move you forward in healing with things like feeling numb? In other words, not just saying it takes time (because it tends to take more than that).

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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