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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » What would you call what happened to me?

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Author Topic: What would you call what happened to me?
khakigirl
Neophyte
Member # 60023

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I've been wondering this for a long time. Here's my story:

Between the ages of 10 and 17, I lived at my grandmother's house with my grandmother, father, brother, uncle, and 2 cousins. When I was around 12 or so, my uncle started calling me names like gay, gaybo, fatty, etc. I'm not gay but for some reason he thought I was. He also told his son (who was around 5 at the time) to try to grab my butt or my boobs whenever he could. If I was helping bring groceries in from the car, my cousin (his son) would grab my butt while I was bent over. Or when I sitting on the couch watching TV, my cousin would try to grab my boob and then run away. This went on for years and years (not really sure how long). He also would make moaning sounds at me when I came out of the bathroom because he assumed when I was in there for more than 5 minutes, I was masturbating. I tried to tell my grandmother but she just said I was just making things up. I honestly can't remember if my uncle ever tried to touch me but the fact that I can't remember makes me think he did.

So what would you call this? Molestation? Sexual abuse?

Posts: 2 | From: Southern Indiana | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You're describing a pattern of serious sexual harassment here.

Do you want to talk more about it?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
khakigirl
Neophyte
Member # 60023

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I'm not sure how much help I need because it happened several years ago and I'm in a healthy relationship with my husband and we have a good sex life but it did affect things quite a bit when we first got married (we were both virgins). When he touched me, I tensed up and often felt dirty. It's taken a long time to get out of that mindset but it's going away and I am feeling better.

I would like to know if you believe I should have reported it. I always thought about telling a teacher but I believed (and still do) that my family would have hated me for that, particularly my two cousins. I didn't want to have their dad sent away. I also didn't want to live in foster care or something like that.

Posts: 2 | From: Southern Indiana | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I don't think there's any right or wrong answer about reporting. Rather, it's a very personal choice mostly based on if an individual feels they want to report, are up to the process and will benefit from reporting or not.

Mind, I do think it might help you to do some thinking about not reporting because your family would hate you. Holding people responsible for their behavior is important in general, and while people can get upset or angry when they are forced to face something they'd prefer not to, or what wasn't happening, that's never the fault of the person it's happening to. It remains the fault of the person choosing to abuse or harass in the first place.

In other words, I'm not saying you should have reported: that was up to you and about you. Instead, I'm just making sure you know that it might help you out to try and let go of feeling you have to be silent about this because anyone would want you to protect someone being abusive instead of someone being abused, including yourself. Know what I mean?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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