My mom started living with this man, who had 2 sons. Before he started molesting me, he physically and emotionally abused me in so many ways that I still have flashbacks on. He sometimes pushed me, threw me in the wrong places, he even threaten on me. Everything he threatened to do he never did. He didn't even threaten to molest me. He just did so.
I didn't tell my mom b/c I thought that parents were allowed to touch their kid like that. Especially b/c when I got my first period, my mom cleaned me, that made me think that parents can do whatever the hell they want w/ me. Him sexually abusing me like that caused me to be having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It's bad enough that I have autism which gives me trauma where I feel like it's happening right now, but to have PTSD w/ it, is worse. Especially along w/ my lesbianity.
When I was in 7th grade, my friends and I used to talk about sex to me all the time. I told them about how my stepdad was touching me. They would push me everyday to tell my mom. They said that he can get arrested for doing this, and if I don't tell anyone he'll get to the point where he could rape me. One day I got home, I wanted to talk to my mom about it, but I didn't wanna take chances of my stepdad would be listening in. So then my stepdad came in my room and started to put his hand in my shirt and I pushed it away and told him "no". Then he tried to go in my pants and I said "no". Then he got mad and left. Eventually my best friend pushed me really hard to tell somebody. She forced me to tell the school councilor or else "he'll rape me and I'll get pregnant". I told her "no its inappropriate". She said that I can tell my councilor anything even if it's inappropriate. I told her "no i'll get in trouble". She said "no you won't. you'd do the right thing". I told the councilor, then I told a social worker, then I told some officer. He said that he was going to arrest him. I asked him if he can let him slide and if he does it again he could arrest him. He said that they don't give criminals second chances.
My mom came and picked me up acting all weird. I didn't know why. She was so devastated that she didn't eat for like, a week and a half, I don't know. She told me that he said that he molested me on accident just to get off the hook. It's ridiculous. When we lived w/ him he lied a lot. So my mom knew he was lying.
Eventually he plied guilty. He finally admitted it now I'm in an order of protection. I'm not allowed to be in any contact with him until I'm 18. I don't even wanna see him even when I'm 18 b/c I'm still mad at him.
Even today, sometimes I have dreams almost every night that he came back. My mom promised to never get him back, considering I'm in an order of protection. In the dream I tell my mom, "I thought I wasn't allowed to see him and you would never take him back". that's what scares me. I even have dreams that somebody else is trying to hurt me. I try calling for help, but my voice gets muted. Sometimes in my dreams my mom doesn't even care about me. Yet, is focused on other things. I always think its real in the dream. I wish I could have nice dreams instead.
-------------------- ~Stephanie Gabriella Murray I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010
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Ste-Funnie: I'm very sorry that you were abused by your stepfather. I think you were very brave for reporting it.
I'm afraid I'm coming down with something today so will need to head out soon, but can we help you with anything around this? For instance, it's typical with childhood sexual abuse that gets reported to be followed up with counseling. Were you ever able to get that? If not, would you like some help seeking it out? Do you have anyone you work with expressly with your autism who can best understand how to help you, uniquely, cope with the way the trauma of your abuse is amplified by your disability?
If there's something you want to talk about or want some extra help with, let me know, and I can check back in on you tomorrow.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 65670 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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