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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Confused.

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Author Topic: Confused.
greeneyes7
Neophyte
Member # 51399

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Hi.
I'm not so sure about this, it's my first post, but I have no other place to go..
When I was 13, I was molested and I guess a fear of men and "sex" grew with me. It wasn't the last time I was abused..
One big blow to my life was during my 4-year relationship with a guy who recently forced me into having "back-door" sex.. It was probably one of the most horrific things I've ever been thru since it happened repeatedly, and I couldn't or just didn't stop it. We broke up, but I still feel so hurt. Now I tear up just at the thought of sex or masturbation or anything if my mind wonders or fantasizes..
It gets to the point where I'm officially scared and I really have trust issues. I talk to no-one about my problems, and feel so lost.
My clitoris even hurts when I touch it.

I don't know what to do, and I don't feel normal, happy nor confident.

Can some-one who understands me reply? This is my last try.

Posts: 3 | From: Lebanon | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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Hi greeneyes7:Welcome to Scarleteen.

I'm sorry you went through this, and please know we're here to help in any way we can. Have you thought about seeking out some kind of counseling? A lot of times when we're struggling the most, counseling can be the kind of outlet that really starts to bring things together. Also, have you thought about trying writing, drawing, etc. as an outlet for some of these feelings?

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
greeneyes7
Neophyte
Member # 51399

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Well I can't exactly afford counselling, and even if I could, I wouldn't be able to talk to my family about it since they would definitely find out...
I am a writer, I already have an outlet for my emotions, I just wanna solve them.. I feel as though I need to change myself in some way, to FEEL happy again and not be so damn paranoid all the time.

I recently tried ADD medicine to cheer me up, but the aftermath was horrible.. I mean, I'm no suicidal person, just dramatic because I feel abnormal. What's the solution here? No man seems interested in me, I can't seem to make any friends, and my priorities are all f*d up.
It's a mess.

Posts: 3 | From: Lebanon | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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ADD medication isn't an anti-depressant. I also don't see feeling upset about this as being dramatic: you've experienced trauma, after all.

Counseling for rape and other kinds of abuse can often be found at no cost in many areas. I'd be happy to help you see what might be available for you if you're interested.

If you're not yet, and want to try and forge out on your own with this, then what's probably your next best step are some books about childhood sexual abuse and partner abuse.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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