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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Abused, Pregnant, and Scared (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Abused, Pregnant, and Scared
katia11
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Hi there! I've been lurking for months and months and was always too scared to post even though I desperately wanted to. I am sad that I couldn't have introduced myself under better circumstances. This was really hard to do, and I apologize if its not enough info- part of what intimidated me was having to tell EVERYTHING and that would take. . .days lol.

A little about me- I am on a leave of absence from one of the top colleges in the country (not Harvard), and want to someday get my PhD in physics. I enjoy ice hockey and playing the piano and guitar. I've always been very uptight about things like sex. I will be 21 next week.

A little about him- We were friends all through high school and went out at the end of our senior year (so we were 18). He always seemed to be kind of rough around the edges, but I was so lonely.

Lots of things have happened since then. He did some wonderful things, like driving for nine hours to visit me at college on my birthday. But he also did some very disturbing things, like pressuring me to have sex and shoving me when we first tried to and I was not ready. He got angry and threw me out of our apartment onto the sidewalk, and raped me after I used both no and the safeword. He used his webcam on me without my permission while we were intimate. The sexual abuse happened many many times. I stayed because if we got married, then I would not be dirty. And I loved him.

Fast forward some more, and he left me even though I put up with everything he did. I stopped taking birth control because it made me constantly aroused and I HATED those feelings. We continued to see eachother and I continued to do everything he wanted so that maybe I'd be good enough. In that time I got pregnant. I had told him that I was not on birth control but he was too selfish to pull out or use a condom. I did not find out until four months later.

In the meantime, he decided he was done with me and "moved on", living a terrible terrible hedonistic life. I was broken in a million pieces and mostly stayed in bed and stopped going to class. I wanted to die but did not know how. At this point I find out I am pregnant. It was the hardest thing to do to tell him. He told me we would be together and made it sound like he wanted to be a father. He then decided to use my body again while I was vulnerable. The next day I was told that he does not want "it", he was "in love" with someone else, and that I should pursue abortion or adoption. The harrassing got worse and I had to block his number out of heartache.

I'm due in just a few weeks with a beautiful baby boy. He does not love him, he refused to feel him kick when I begged him. My parents are ashamed and tell me I am not allowed to come home with him even if it is just a few weeks. I am the only one who loves my son. As ashamed and embarrassed as I am, I sincerely believe it would kill me to give him up. I cannot get hurt again. But I don't want ANYONE to think that I would ever not get my PhD because of that.

I have a very very very wonderful best friend who is wonderful and does not hurt me and would probably make a wonderful partner if I was ready. That is the one good thing.

I'm not really sure what I want- I just started seeing a counselor last week. . .my other friend's mom talks to me too. . .but I am so lonely. There is no happiness or powder blue invitations. I have to go to great lengths to hide myself, to the point where it is painful. Luckily I am so small.

I'm broken in a gazillion pieces and stressed out, and REALLY REALLY REALLY sad. And I typed a whole lot more than I thought lol. I am trying to get help but sometimes there isn't anyone there RIGHT now, and RIGHT now hurts too.

Thank you [Smile] I hope it's okay to share. I'm really sad.

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desmadroza10
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Hello katia11!!

I am so sorry to hear about all of this, but I do have to tell you that I know exactly how you feel.

I went through the same thing that you are going through now. I was with someone for 2 years whom I thought was my best friend and soulmate. I was completely wrong. I moved to California from Washington just to be with him little did I know that that decision was going to change my life completely.

I was 19 at the time when I moved with my ex (he was 17). At first everything was wonderful, but I missed all the signs. Before I moved to California (I met him online) we would talk on the phone and chat all day everday. Well during that time he would cut himself, drink and even try to commit suicide. I wanted to be a good friend so I stood by his side the whole time. When I moved to CA I started to notice that he wasn't amazing after all. It all started with verbal abuse, then it went to physical abuse. I stayed there because I had no where else to go. My parents were mad at me for leaving home so I couln't go back to them.

To make a long story short he would basically only use me for sex. He never loved me or cared for me and when he had a bad day I would be the one that would get the wits end of it.

Towards the end of our relationship I got pregnant by him. The day I told him I was, he proceeded to hit me in the stomach so I would miscarry or he would slap me and tell me he didn't want the baby. That was the end for me. I couldn't take it anymore and I didn't deserve it at all. So what I left his house with nothing but my purse and the clothes on my back and moved back to Washington.

It was the hardest thing I had ever done, but I knew it was the right choice for my baby and myself.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you are not alone. You have the strength in you to keep pushing forward...your baby. Your little boy is your strength to pull forawrd and finish your PhD. I know that its hard, trust me, but I know you can do it. There is a lot of recources out there that can help, you just need to look search for them. If it weren't for them I wouldn't be here now.

I wish you well in life and remember that you are a strong woman with a beautiful baby boy on the way. [Smile]

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katia11
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Hey thanks for your reply! *hugs* That's a rough story.

There's obviously been alot going on so I actually forgot I posted on here.

It feels good to know other people have been there; I'm just very nervous, especially since I have never cared for a child under six in my life and I seriously wonder if I can handle it, especially with schoolwork/anemia/all sorts of stuff. I've been reading alot, but I can't help but think of "Gone With the Wind"- "I don't know nothin bout birthin no babies!" lol

If you don't mind sharing, what happened after you moved back to Washington? It's ok if you don't want to share.

I'm obviously very worried. Not sure where to go and afraid of being treated inferior or like a failure. And sometimes I just get SO SAD and miss him SO MUCH.

However, thanks for sharing [Smile] Hanging in there. Sort of. xoxo

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Heather
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Katia: do you have a support network right now? If not, have you been able to talk to your OB/GYN, midwife or doula about that?

If you don't have a doula, do you know what one is? If so, is that something you'd want? I bet if we put out some calls we could find someone for you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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katia11
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Hi! (OMG it's Heather [Razz] ) Sometimes I get nervous responding to things. . . don't ever mean to be rude!

I don't have a very large support network. I have my best friend, who is wonderful, and my therapist and my friend's mom. My other family and friends don't know. . .kind of scared to "come out" (for lack of a better term) to people. My parents are obviously very upset. My Ob knows my bf was terrible to me but I generally try to look like everything is ok.

I read about doulas in "What to Expect", but I wasn't sure how many people got them. I have fantastic health insurance so I didn't see why I'd want to pay extra. However, I'm starting to wonder if one might be useful. I'm well read on the labor process but I was in the hospital and missed my childbirth class. And I'm not sure if I will have a labor coach :/ ouch

Do you think it would be helpful? I appreciate you reaching out so much to everyone here Heather.

Been doing alright [Smile] Definitely will keep updating. Lots of thoughts right now!

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Heather
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I do think a doula would be helpful. Think of a doula as someone who is basically a pregnancy, birth and post-birth sidekick: the Robin to your Batman.

They can be there to give you information and emotional support, to help you through the rest of your process and beyond, and they really get all of this as the huge experience that it is. I don't know anyone who had a doula who didn't feel majorly benefitted by it, and I'd say that if and when your support circle is very small, it could be a big-time extra bonus to help fill in those gaps.

I'm sorry that you feel you have to hide your pregnancy from many people around you. That's got to be really tough, especially when you've got such big stuff to grapple with in this. Is that something you'd like to change?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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katia11
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Thanks again [Smile]

That does sound helpful, though I hope it isn't too late in the game to find one. I kind of assumed I wasn't the type because I'm not giving birth at home and am not entirely against painkillers. And I wasn't sure if my OB would be offended.

I'm torn about telling people. I look at my cousin's baby who was born with two married parents and I'm really really bitter and angry that she is so loved but my son isn't. I don't think it's everyone's business, but I'd like to have more than. . .one friend, even if he is really nice.

I haven't felt this bad in like. . .a whole week. There's alot of memories flooding back and I'd do anything to bring him back. Today should be a fun day but I woke up sobbing because things aren't like how they were last year or the year before. And there's another month or so of bad memories. . .

I really apologize if I have alot of scattered thoughts, just very overwhelmed. Should be ok. Just really hurt.

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Heather
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Would you like me to ask a doula I know in NY for suggestions?

No matter what, what YOU need for your pregnancy and delivery is about YOU. That's what your OB should want, too, so try to make these choices based on your feelings and what you want. It's your OB's job to support you, make this about you, and manage their own feelings themselves, okay?

You don't need to apologize for anything you're feeling or anything you've said. Of course you're having hard feelings, and of course you feel scared and wish you were less alone in this.

I do think it might help to recognize that children can be -- and can't be -- loved in all KINDS of family structures, not just one. Around the world and through most of history more kinds have been raised in extended families or a world of arrangements that aren't a married two-parent system, so that's so not the only way for a kid to be loved, and that setup also doesn't automatically mean a child will be loved or be more loved. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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katia11
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That is really sweet of you! I would definitely appreciate it. I'm not sure if it matters, but I'm in western NY, though suggestions work!

On practical biological notes- They said I'd probably have to be induced before I reach my 40th week due to my high blood pressure (now on meds for)(never had hbp before- you can probably see why I do though!), and I'm not sure how comfortable I feel about that. I understand that they know a great deal, but that is where I'd most most like a second opinion.

This is all very true. Sometimes I just desperately need to get something out, and my poor friend has heard so much already.

I did end up having a lovely day. It was my birthday and I was disappointed he wasn't there anymore like the last two. And I'm supposedly 21 but I'm not ready to completely grow up in. . .a week and a half.

I am exhausted, but I will def keep updating! I really really appreciate the help. (And I'm such a "fan"! btw)

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Heather
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I really hope that you can recognize that no one should expect you -- including yourself -- to go from where you are to Complete Grownup in a week and a half, or at the moment that you deliver. You don't need to do that and no one CAN do that. What you need to be able to do, instead, is start taking the steps you need to in order to best take care of yourself and your kid, within your own ability.

It might actually help to really observe your child in that, or even consider your pregnancy: it's all stages, little things each day, not some kind of instantaneous process, and the same goes for your own maturation and personal growth.

Let me poke around today in my networks and see if I can find someone for you, even if it's just someone who is a doula somewhere else but would be willing to come talk to you some here, okay? I'll holler back with any progress.

By the way, count me in as one of your fans, too! You've had a lot on your plate, clearly, but have obviously managed to do a really great job, and are trying still. I think that's awesome. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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katia11
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That made me tear up a little! Aww. Sweet.

I'm a little. . .freaked out as I went to the OBGYN today and he wants to induce me on Monday. I am not sure what to do especially since my parents don't want me coming home with him. I'm researching and calling as best I can but I'm pretty stressed out.

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Heather
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katia: I'm still waiting to hear back from some people, and also have to head out of my office for the rest of the day.

However, I want to make sure we do all you can to connect you to services you need. Are you saying that whenever you deliver, you are going to be homeless/have nowhere to stay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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katia11
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That's fine. It's really amazing what you do.

I think if push came to shove, my parents wouldn't abandon me, but I am very concerned. I've left messages with my therapist/friends mom/etc and am trying to figure things out. I have some savings, so it's not like I can't possibly try and rent somewhere as long as there is no lease.

It's very confusing and embarrassing. I don't want to offend anyone, but I was brought up without having to worry about any such things, not relying on others ever.

There are options, I'll probably be alright.

I just can't shake the feeling I'm making a huge mistake.

Sorry if you are worried!

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Alice
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Hi katia,

I just wanted to drop in and let you know that I am sending you good vibes. Your situation is so tough but you do seem smart and strong, you'll get through it.

I had my son as a very young woman, and I've also dealt with abuse from my son's father. My son is now 4 and while life isn't exactly easy most of the time... it DOES get better.

And I'm here if you have ANY questions, or if you want to vent, at any point. I also had HBP with pregnancy (pre-eclampsia) and ended up going into labor early but then being induced when my labor stopped. So, again, I've sorta been there and would be happy to talk with you about any of these things if you'd like.

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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katia11
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Thanks. I'm not sure if it's nerves or real feelings or both, but I am really really starting to think I made a terrible mistake. I was SO empowered and I REALLY believed I could do it but I'm not sure. I CANNOT fail at school. I'm severely anemic. No one loves him except me, and how can I even say that when I feel so resentful?

Is it wrong that I am tempted to give up?

What if it ISN'T worth it?

I'm scared. I have a hard time taking care of me. I'm not sad about missing the "college experience" of drinking like a buffoon, but I am sad I won't be able to play intramural hockey or have friends that aren't grad students with kids. I'm worried I won't get into a good grad school because idk how I can do research.

I feel like I'm being insanely selfish.

Why am I so sad?

I'm sorry, I'm obviously pretty stressed.

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Heather
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When you're making reproductive decisions and making them well, you HAVE to be selfish: in other words, you have to think of yourself, of what you feel capable of, of what you want. If you don't or can't, then you can't very well make sound choices for the other being involved here who relies on you to make the best choices you can for the both of you.

So, there's nothing wrong with the way that you're thinking or with what you're thinking: these are all important and valid thoughts and feelings.

My best advice to you right now is that you absolutely fill your OB/GYN in on everything you have not: on the whole of your situation, including with housing, so that they can help you here. They're likely to be very well connected with local resources we can probably help you find, too, but probably not as quickly and likely without direct connections your OB may have. Can you do that? maybe even put a call in today?

I'm still looking into a doula to at least be able to talk with you, and someone may be coming by this thread to do just that today.

If you'd like to talk about your choices right now in terms of parenting or not parenting, I'm happy to do that with you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Sara E
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katia11, you are SO strong! You have dealt with so much and come so far. I am totally in awe. I found out I was pregnant at 19 and didn't have HALF the courage you do.

I'm a doula and midwife-in-training in Pennsylvania. If you have ANY questions or need to talk to someone, please let me know. I am more than happy to help you find a doula (it's never too late!) to support you during your birth. Nobody should ever have to birth alone.

[ 11-13-2010, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: Sara E ]

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Mama, doula, aspiring midwife, wife, friend, Jew.

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katia11
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Hi! Thank you SO MUCH for all the short notice things. I thought I had a little more time!

I was not sure about telling my OB everything; I was terrified that they may contact some scary agency and make me give him away. I will try to- I also assumed that they are only there for the medical portion of everything.

I have spoken with my friend's mom and she may talk to my parents. Also, I have contacted the student parents group at the University I plan to return to and they were very nice and helpful pointing out resources for when I do return there.

I think alot of what I feel in regards to parenting is some very cold feet. I love my son; he has a name. How could I possibly give him up? I know this way even if it is more difficult I will not have regrets. That doesn't mean I still wish I could go back and tell my bf no. I'm just not feeling very confident right now. I'm also 21 years old and very much sensitive to what other people think; they don't know that I was coerced and raped and treated terribly, just that I'm another unmarried woman.

I'm so sorry that I'm having doubts so late, but so do people the day they get married or other big changes.

I'll try to be around, even though I also have lots of things to pick up! Thank you.

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Heather
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One BIG thing to know is that no one can force ANYONE to do an adoption now. So that is NOT something you have to worry about, okay?

You so do NOT have to be sorry for having worries or doubts: I think it'd be more disconcerting if you didn't! This is HUGE stuff!

So, it sounds like you're feeling pretty solid about choosing to parent, just feeling scared and shaky about parenting. Does that sound about right?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Sara E
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I'd like to echo what Heather is saying - put a forced adoption out of your mind. No one can do that to you.

It's actually good and totally normal to feel this way before a new baby - it's scary for all of us. When I was birthing my youngest, I remember telling my doula that I didn't think I was ready for another. (Most days in parenting I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants anyways.)

Please take this time to be selfish. Do things for YOU. That is healthiest right now - to try to release others' opinions into the void and deal with what you need day-to-day.

As additional reassurance, my dad got his PhD while I was a baby - different circumstances, clearly, but I think you'll find plenty of people in grad school who have kids. [Smile]

--------------------
Mama, doula, aspiring midwife, wife, friend, Jew.

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katia11
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Hello! That is pretty spot on.

My parents are STILL trying to convince me otherwise, even though I have told them point blank that I need to do this. It is very scary when you are already having doubts and therefore what they are saying is sort of making sense and therefore NOT helping. I know they would be so happy if I could "get this over with" and get "back on track".

It is true that I am terribly inexperienced. I never even had a baby doll as a little girl. I would definitely be learning on the job.

And as much as it should help that it is MY decision, I almost wish it wasn't.

It's really helpful to hear some encouragement though. Thanks again [Smile]

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Heather
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katia: before I talk to you more about this, do you want to check in with Sara here in terms of her experience as a doula and your questions that'd be better for her than me, and/or see if you can't get some of her help connecting you to a local doula?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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katia11
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Oh and sry to double post, but hello Sara E! I must have missed your intro earlier.

I really appreciate you feel that way. If it is not too personal, I'd love to hear your story.

It might be REALLY helpful to have a doula, as my mom, even if she was supportive, has to go on a business trip and I did not realize I would be doing this earlier than I thought so she could not cancel. I'm guessing I should PM regarding that? Due to location privacy and such.

Thank you!

oh look, Heather posted. Yes certainly [Smile]

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Heather
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(Just FYI, for our users' safety, we don't do PMs here. Zip codes are pretty big things, with many, many people inside one. So, what we advise and most folks feel comfy with in situations like this is just posting a zip code so someone can help you find services.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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katia11
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Oh I haven't even noticed that! That is fine. My zip code is 14220. I just didn't want to break any privacy rules.

Sorry for sometimes delayed responses, I'm going back and forth a bit.

Gazillions thanks!

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Sara E
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Ok, you're in GREAT luck! The Buffalo Birth Network is very active in your zip and will have doulas that can come out - try to talk to a few & find one you really like: http://www.buffalobirth.com/content/view/221/1/

If you have any questions about what to look for in a doula or need further information about references/finding a doula, let me know. You can also go on doulamatch.com, input your zip, and read up on the experience & services of all of the doulas in your area. DO NOT let the pricing intimidate you. Most of us work on a sliding/bartering scale, and many do pro-bono work as well.

Do you have any concerns/questions regarding your birth? Did your OB explain why she/he is recommending induction and offer you your options and the risk/benefit analysis for induction?

You have LOTS of options, and I think that weighing those options and making informed choices of your own will help you feel strong, comfortable, and proud of how you'll be bringing this little boy into the world.

--------------------
Mama, doula, aspiring midwife, wife, friend, Jew.

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katia11
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Hello thank you! Not sure if I can find someone in a day (esp since I'll probably be a little busy tomorrow scrambling) but it would be worth a shot.

I'm not sure of any specific questions regarding my birth. . .definitely lots of concerns. I'm 5"0 and (pre pregnant) 100 pounds, so I'm obviously a little concerned about a sevenish pound human coming out of my vagina. I've had a half dozen kidney stones, so I guess I'm not a total wimp, but . . .I'm worried.

He explained that this induction is pretty necessary due to my high blood pressure, almost an emergency procedure. I expressed my concern and desire to possibly wait and see if I go into labor before my due date, but he said that the baby is perfectly fine now and should come out before I get sicker (strange phrasing as I feel relatively fine). He said waiting could increase risks for stroke/death for both of us. I had no idea. And he is on call Monday and said we should do it then.

I read about induction and it does not sound pleasant. I also was a little disappointed because I know that the beginning of labor is still very mysterious to scientists and it would be cool for that "magic" to happen.

I'm still pretty freaked out about having a son and being a parent, but I'm feeling pretty good now. Things tend to work out it seems, even those times when I thought I couldn't even make it to the next day. I'm still here, right? Lol.

I wish I could think up questions, but mostly I'm just really nervous!

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Sara E
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Here's a rule you can apply to any situation - use your BRAIN when talking with your doctor:

B - what are the benefits of doing what you recommend?
R - what are the risks?
A - What are the alternatives?
I - what does my intuition tell me?
N - what happens if we do nothing?

Your doctor is NOT allowed to play the "you or your baby could die" card. That is unfair and playing on your emotions, especially when you consider that he is SCHEDULING an induction.

Inductions carry a much higher risk to both you and baby (increases risk of shoulder dystocia, abnormal fetal heart tones/distress, need for vacuum/forceps delivery, and doubles your risk for a cesarean section if the induction doesn't take), so make sure that you are getting all the information you need to make an informed decision about whether you think it is necessary.

Remember, you have the right to refuse any procedure and please make sure you ask your doctor to explain exactly why he feels the induction is necessary. If he induces you before there's a problem because there MIGHT be a problem, that is considered an elective (patient-choice) induction. So just be aware of what you're signing up for, and educate yourself on whether you have PIH or pre-eclampsia and know what you're dealing with and exactly WHY he feels the need to induce (http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/women/pregnancy/complications/064.html).

I am 5' and 93lb (pre-pregnancy) and just had my most recent baby at 7lb 4oz with no tears at all! You will do awesomely. The perineum is meant to stretch, and you were MADE to do this. Good labor support will help you be as successful as possible, especially if you're doing an induction.


Please, find yourself a doula - especially if you agree to the induction. Doulas are associated with a decrease in pain of labor and LOTS of other benefits (http://www.dona.org/mothers/why_use_a_doula.php).

--------------------
Mama, doula, aspiring midwife, wife, friend, Jew.

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katia11
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Thank you. Sorry to not reply, been busy. Did try to contact a couple of doulas, but didn't get back to me. I think I'm alright. Idk.

Parents are STILL trying to convince me otherwise despite my firmness. It's wearing me down and I feel very alone. They said they would be there in the hospital, but I almost wish they weren't. I was told "no one in this family supports you" and that I need to "give a couple a chance". No one's on my side.

Sighz.

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Miche28
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Hi Katia,

I was forwarded your post and wanted to reach out. You've certainly had a very tough few months - I feel very sad that you are feeling so unsupported and alone.

I'm not a teen - I'm a mom to 2 and breastfeeding peer counselor near Toronto. I also had high blood pressure (leading to complications) in both pregnancies. Feeling uncertain is ok: weighing the impact of interventions vs. the risk of increased blood pressure for you and your baby is a very tough call, especially when you feel that you can't trust your health care provider to give you balanced advice. Take your time and know that you always have the option to say "I need to think this over". Very high blood pressure can also cause feelings of doom, panic or confusion, as can some of the medications used to lower blood pressure. So take your time and ask to have things explained as many times as you need them.

As for getting you support, I've put out some feelers to see if I can connect you with a doula or labor support person near you. I am happy to answer any breastfeeding questions you have and send you resources as you need them. But I'll keep trying to find you someone who can be there hands on.

The question of where you and your baby are going to stay and how you'll support yourselves for those first few days is weighing heavy on you. These are big challenges, but they're short-lived ones (as you'll find with most mothering challenges, by the way). In the very immediate days, all you need to find is somewhere that you can stay with your baby - the best place for that baby to be is against your naked chest in a diaper, you'll be little bother to anyone.

I am guessing that your parents think that they are doing the best thing for you by trying to coerce you into making a choice that you don't feel is the right one. It must be very difficult for them to see that you are as fiercely protective of your son as they are of you. Adoption can be a good option for some women - it sounds like you've considered it and decided that's it's not the choice for you. Choosing to parent or not is no guarantee that you'll reach the goals you've set, though it may be hard for others to see how the devastation of being forced to a decision not to parent might be as meaningful as the additional stress of parenting.

I would encourage you right away to start trying to build a network of supports. MDC (mothering.com/discussion) has excellent and very active message boards: they also have a 'finding your tribe' section where you'll be abler to find real live mothers near you. There's quite a big community of single mamas and also mothers in academia (both active and recovering [Smile] ). La Leche League (http://www.llli.org/Web/NewYork.html) also has groups all over NY state: while the focus is on breastfeeding support, the purpose is to support mothers and you can be assured that it's a safe space for you and your baby.

You can feel free to email me: michelle@doudoubebe.com

I hope tomorrow brings some clarity to your plans and that you feel more supported. Hang in there.

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Miche28
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If you are around, I think I have a doula for you. Email me - I'll pm you the contact as well.
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Heather
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Just checking in with you, katia, if you're around, to see how you're doing and if we can help you with anything you're needing! [Smile]

I'm beyond sorry your family said what they did to you. But I hope you know that even if it's true that no one in your family supports you right now, please know there are other people who do and who will.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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katia11
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Hey there! Haven't had a chance to reply as. . .I had a baby! lol

I did go through with the induction, though it wasn't really my first choice. Everything was very stressful and intense, but I ended up not being alone. I am amazed that I did it.

For now, I'm with my family, and they seem to be warming up. One thing at a time.

It's been really intense and emotional and stressful but he is beautiful. Everything isn't perfect, but I feel alot better.

I'd love to keep updating when I can. Just wanted to let you know he's out!

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Heather
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I can speak for all of us, I think, in saying that we are all SO glad you're okay! Congratulations!

I'm also SO relieved that you both have a place to stay right now, and that you didn't have to give birth alone!

How ARE you? [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Sara E
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Yay! Congrats! You are amazing, mama!

--------------------
Mama, doula, aspiring midwife, wife, friend, Jew.

Posts: 5 | From: Conestoga PA | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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