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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Regrettable Sex vs. Sexual abuse/assault

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Author Topic: Regrettable Sex vs. Sexual abuse/assault
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 50014

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I was thinking about this as it come earlier in the posts today.

Sometimes, we make a decision to engage with someone who we knwo does not show us consideration or actively seek our consent but we engage in them sexually (say kissing) anyways for our own thrill/experiences, etc.

Often times, while you may been OK with their initials actions, they may seek or do more things (ie. touching your breasts, etc) without seeking your active consent. Of course, if you are not ready and they did not seek your consent, it is still ABUSE/Assault.

Is that take 'away' message that it may good to get involved with only partners/people that show us respect and seek our consent (by nonverbal and verbal ways and have an considerate non-narrastic attidude towards us), or that there' is a great chance of sexual abuse/assault when engaging with narrasstic self-centered people, and that perhaps it may not be worth the trouble in the first place?

It seems like the two times I did sexual things with the non-actively consent-seeking partners, they always took it to the second step/ higher without seeking my consent, and resulting in abuse/assault. Were they assaulting me even when there was sexual stuff that i was ok with because again, they never SOUGHT my consent and my reactions BEFORE in the first place?
The only times such people sought my reaction ( or consent) was usually *after* they made their first move/sexual action to see how I "Re"-acted to their first sexual move, not if I was ready much before.

Seeking some clarity,

Posts: 357 | From: US | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Before I dig deeper into this, I want to kind of inform it with a lot of information on consent, okay?

For one, I want to make sure we're all using the same terms in the same way, but I also want to make sure everyone is clear in a conversation like this that consent isn't about one person asking another and that person answering in any fully consensual exchange, but about EVERYONE seeking everyone's consent and EVERYONE either giving or refusing consent. It's not just one way, and consensual sex in which people are mutually engaging doesn't have one person being active the whole time and the other passive.

So, I think the best link to inform all of this is this one:

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 50014

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Heather, I really appreciate your discussion, education and feedback here on this CONVOLUTED and missed topic here. I see posters of YES to CONSENT etc all over my schools but clearly, it wasn't / isn't enough.

Hope to continue here......slowly over the few days....

Posts: 357 | From: US | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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