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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Is abuse the root of all problems

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Author Topic: Is abuse the root of all problems
MGGG
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Member # 49485

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I am in my twenties and never had a boyfriend/relationship. In my earlyteens I never considered it a problem because all my friends were single as well. Plus I am a late bloomer so I didn't think too much of it.

I was searching the internet for more info on reasons why I am still single and everything points to me being still single as result effects of sexual abuse.

So I was abused when I was a kid. But I didn't get ptsd. I didn't have flashbacks. As far as I can tell the only effects it had was making me more of an introvert. (which I might as well have been before the incident)

Does this or for the that matter everything wrong with me have to be linked to my abuse???

Do I need counseling? The abuse happened more than 15 year ago and not being able to date doesn't seem as huge of an issue when compared to ptsd. Or am I just in denial.

Posts: 2 | From: Europe | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
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Member # 36725

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Hey MGGG. Welcome to Scarleteen!

Honestly, while something like having been abused in the past can certainly change how we approach people and relationships, I don't know that I'd consider that the reason I'm not dating when it's something that from what you're describing is a forefront issue. For instance, you aren't having flashbacks etc. Everyone starts dating at different times.

Something to consider is that if you're an introvert, you likely don't jump into groups of people. Meeting people with like interests is a big part of how we find partners that fit our wants and needs. Have you thought about groups that align with your interests to meet new people? For instance getting together with small book groups, study groups if you're in school, etc?

I don't know that not being able to date is the best way to state it if you've just not found someone yet. But finding people with interests like ours is usually a good place to start in meeting people that fit with what we look for in partners.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
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Member # 49077

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Hi and Welcome!

First of all, I agree with Stephanie_1 said about your ‘introvertness’ most likely a big cause for the lack of opportunities to meet someone that would be a potential boyfriend.

Whether or not ‘not being able to date’ is or isn’t a huge issue is up to you; only you can decide how important that part of your life is. You shouldn’t use flashbacks, from your abuse, as a measuring standard; if you feel a loss by the lack of dating then it is an important issue for you. As far as if you need counseling, that depends on how much your ‘introvertness’ and lack of dating is bothering you. Please try Stephanie_1’s suggestions for awhile and see how it goes! [Smile]

Good Luck!

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Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MGGG
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Member # 49485

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Thank you sooooo much for your relpies. I guess I started second guessing myself after I read all those articles making feel as if I didn't work trough my past issues, when I feel I have. Thank you for not ignoring my question.
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Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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You know, we say this a lot here and I think it really rings true - the best person to make decisions on what's holding us back with things is often not idle resources we find. For instance, while reading those articles may be beneficial for some people (ideally those people really struggling with triggers and such right then) it may not be as appropriately suited for someone that isn't. It's kind of like saying something about a group of people as a whole when those people are still individuals. In the end, you know yourself best. (Too? We don't actively ignore questions, though sometimes accidentally a question may be missed over) [Smile]

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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