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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » wud u call this molest?

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Author Topic: wud u call this molest?
littlegirllost
Neophyte
Member # 40973

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im just a young teen. a couple of months ago, i had a boyfriend, and while we were out on a date, he started to touch me. we had been making out for a couple of minutes in his dads car (he was in a store for about 30 min) and he began rubbing me in between my legs. i didnt really enjoy it but i didnt stop him. he then helped my hand into his pants, then i snapped back to reality and got my hand out of there. his dad came back. we got back in the back, and he kept touching me like he had before. wen we got to idk what to call it but we were havin a date there, i told him that wat happened made me uncomfortable and i didnt want it to happen again. he said ok thats fine. once we left and were in his dads car again, he started touching me there again, i didnt want to say no again so instead i said "your dads right there!" he said he wasnt watching and kept doing that. and he disturbing comments about my breasts. i put my bag between my legs and turned away but he kept trying to touch. he finally got the message and quit. i broke up with him a few days later, but now he wants to get back together saying he didnt kno i was so bothered and that he was so sorry and ashamed. that he loves me. idk what to do. [Confused]

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live and let live,
littlegirllost

Posts: 14 | From: MN | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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littlegirllost: I'm mostly away from the site today, but I wanted to be sure your post got addressed.

I want to start by saying that I think you handled yourself as well as possible in this. When you realized you did not want what he was doing and it did not feel good, you tried to put a stop to it. You restated your limits and boundaries as it continued. And when it became clear to you this was someone who obviously was choosing not to respect your no and your boundaries, you disconnected yourself from the relationship with this person. All of those actions are in the interest of your physical, sexual and emotional safety and well-being, they are often hard to do, and I very much support and applaud you in them.

What do YOU want to do now? A person may indeed feel sorry and ashamed of doing things like this, but that does not mean they will necessarily change their behavior. What was the relationship like for you as a whole, beyond just this incident? Do you WANT to get back together with this person: before he called asking about that, did YOU feel that desire to get back together for yourself at all?

Do you feel like this is someone - if you do want, for you, to see him and your relationship has otherwise been great for you -- who would be willing to really talk through this more with you, who would be willing to say, try being only non-sexual first, who would be willing and able to change his behaviour and do some real work to do so? I do categorize scenarios like this as sexual abuses, so I think it's important to view this through the lens of considering becoming involved again with someone who abused you.

[ 03-07-2009, 03:21 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MissChievous
Neophyte
Member # 42318

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If I were you, I wouldn't give this guy a second of your time. It's almost guaranteed that he knows NO means NO. He crossed that line even though you stated several times you didn't want to take part in any sexual activity.
Posts: 2 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
littlegirllost
Neophyte
Member # 40973

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thanks for the answers you guys, they were really helpful

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live and let live,
littlegirllost

Posts: 14 | From: MN | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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