Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.

Topic Closed  Topic Closed
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » how do i get out of this

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: how do i get out of this
One Day Last Year
Neophyte
Member # 42317

Icon 1 posted      Profile for One Day Last Year     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I met my girlfriend last year things where fine she was the girl that every one wanted she seemed to have it all i thought i loved her
she got pregnant in august last year and miscarried before christmas it wasnt easy i did my best to support her. I sort of backed away from her for a while not in a mean way not because i wanted to leave her because we argued alot and we needed a break. When we got back together it was awquard she knew what happened when we where on a break and she would always bring it up. It really would piss me off every time she felt bad she wanted me to feel bad aswell. she would start flipping out at me even if i did walk out the door and would want to know where i was all the time it was annoying it was like having my mum flowing me around. She started excusing me of every thing and would talk to me like i was shit saying i was worthless saying no one can be bothered with me not even my own family. to begin i just took it i wouldnt listen to it but after a while it began to great and i started to believe it. when i didnt respond to it she started hitting me not round the face but proper full on blenting me across the back or across my arm it would bruise and im left with bruises and scars across my arms and back.
she stopped only if she got what she wanted which was a baby.
i never used to have low confidence i used to go out all the time i feel trapped by her i dont see the girl i fell in love with i see a controll freak that will do any thing to get what she wants. ive tryed leaving before but she gult trips me into going back with her every time i leave i end up back in the same position. i feel like im to blame for how she is she trusted before the break and now she doesnt
i honestly dont know what to do
she may not be the girl i fell in love with but i still stupidly love her
i feel so weak and stupid

--------------------
indecisive

Posts: 3 | From: East Sussex | Registered: Mar 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
One Day Last Year: I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been going through. You are certainly not weak or stupid. And too, it’s not uncommon for us to still feel that we love someone even if they are abusive – what you’re feeling is completely normal. You are in no way to blame for the way that she has acted, she is the one that has acted this way toward you, and it is her fault not yours. You backing away from her to give her time was a perfectly fine response, and the way that she had reacted to that as well as to you in general since this time is totally not okay. I’m seeing you saying that she wants a baby still, but I don’t see you saying that you want the same thing. Do you mind if I ask if the pregnancy in august was planned, and how you felt about it at the time and now?

When you say that after leaving she guilt tripped you into coming back, what do you mean there? What did she say or do to make you feel like you had to go back? I ask because it will be helpful in us helping you to get out and to not feel like you have to go back in the future.

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
One Day Last Year
Neophyte
Member # 42317

Icon 1 posted      Profile for One Day Last Year     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
no not at all far from it i was pissed of but we took the risk and she got pregnant so i wasnt supprised i dunno how i feel about it now i didnt want a baby in the first place of course i was upset that she miscarried of course it hurt but it didnt make me feel as bad as it did her
she always says that she cant cope without me and that she wont be able to carry on living she says that we should be together to get through what happened

--------------------
indecisive

Posts: 3 | From: East Sussex | Registered: Mar 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Does she know that a baby isn’t something that you wanted at the time, and not something that you feel you want or are ready for now? And also, has she seen a counselor or do you think that would be something she would be willing to do? It seems that her actions greatly changed after she miscarried from the person she was beforehand, and it may be that she’s really just not at a place emotionally right now that she can work through this on her own, or that you’d be able to help her through. A professional would be able to offer advice and strategies, as well as someone to listen to her and help her work through her feelings. And you might mention to that you feel the relationship isn’t healthy for either of you where it is right now, and that you don’t feel it is doing either of you a lot of good to be together in this way. That way she’s really offered the chance to step back and look at the relationship and see what’s happening, that you’re not just walking away but stepping back to allow her time to heal. That being together isn’t really helping either of you to cope with what’s happened, and you want her to receive the help she deserves on that. But know too, you're not responsable for her, and don't have to feel guilted into coming back to an unhealthy relationship. You did nothing wrong with moving back originally, and would not be wrong to do so here.

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
One Day Last Year
Neophyte
Member # 42317

Icon 1 posted      Profile for One Day Last Year     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
yeah she knows but i dont have alot of choice or it seems that i dont
i dont know about counseling shes against pretty much every thing i bring up so i dont know
every time i try and bring up that i cant carry on living like this she flips out she seems to think im going to sleep with every girl i look at i dont need the grief of her hitting me again or screaming at me i know its wrong but ive got to the point when i know i cant be with her but id rather not start another fight and just put up with it
i know in myself thats wrong but she actualy scares me im scared of her

--------------------
indecisive

Posts: 3 | From: East Sussex | Registered: Mar 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
(Harvey, we have a rule you might have seen in our guidelines that makes clear that each person may only have one account here. When it seems like someone may have more than one, we check the IP addresses to see if they match. When they do, we recognize someone has more than one account.

Suffice it to say, I'm confused about what you're saying here based on what we have been working through with you in your other posts, and obviously, the facts don't line up.

So, I need to close this account for right now. I'd like you to email me to discuss why you're posting with another name and....well, describing what seems to be a very different relationship than the one you have talked with us about so far. You can use the "contact us" link at the bottom of the page to do that. Thanks.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Open Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3