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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » lost and uncertain

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Author Topic: lost and uncertain
Ororon
Neophyte
Member # 38406

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hi. i'm stuck at the moment when it comes to forming any kind of relationship with anyone. to give a sort rundown of my last relationship which i had posted about in the past. (and got some really good advice from other members. thanks) it became an abusive relationship and ended with her cheating on me. i decided to take a break from any kind of relationship with anyone as i acted horrible towards the end of the relationship. i'd like some kind of relationship with someone and have someone in mind but i'm just not sure weather i can trust anyone anymore or myself. i've been to counseling but i'm still not sure if i've changed. any advice on how i can be sure i wont make the same mistake's [Confused]
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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What has your counselor said when you've talked about these concerns? Are they feeling like you're probably ready to pursue a new relationship?

As well, how do you feel knowing that you can be very gradual (and personally, I'd tend to say should be) about how quickly and deeply you get involved with someone? Does an initial date or two feel as daunting right now as a full-on relationship?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ororon
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Member # 38406

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we'll she's said i've worked hard threw my problems and that i should be ready and should just relax and let whatever happen's but i'm still not sure. yea i suppose i feel that after the first date if its gone well and it might lead somewhere that i'd hold back from the second date
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think it can be much eaqsier to get scared about relationships if we think of them as zero-to-sixty.

In other words, if we have the idea that we'll be alone, then WHAMMO! in a big, fully-committed serious relationships.

But it doesn't have to be like that, and healthy relationships usually are NOT like that: they're much more gradual things where you can really take your time, take baby steps, and see how you feel as you go.

Is there someone in particular you have an interest in right now?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ororon
Neophyte
Member # 38406

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yea i guess your right. i've been thinking about being stuck alone. guess i am scared. my last relationship started gradually and then got rushed. yea there is someone i had in mind. at the moment i've only been talking with her by e-mail but its been going on for 3 months now. she might just want to be friends
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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So, it sounds like you know already for you that you just want to watch your pacing from here on out. It might make you feel a little bit better to recognize that your past experience is a benefit to you: now you know that, right? We live, we learn. [Smile]

How has that e-mail talking been going? Is this someone you already know in person or intend to meet? Might you be able to keep things at friendship until you're more comfortable with something else, should she also be interested?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ororon
Neophyte
Member # 38406

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i know her in person from a while ago. i think i'll hang out with her and just see how things go. we have things in common so she might be interested i dunno
Posts: 6 | From: Ireland | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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