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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » not sure if i was molested/raped

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Author Topic: not sure if i was molested/raped
illremembersun
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Member # 41144

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I was wondering..do you think your brain can try and block out bad memories that have happened to you?...So you can't exactly remember what happened?

I feel as if people have done horrible things to me (rape or molestation) but i can't remember the EXACT event(s). I do remember feeling really uncomfortable in certain memories when i was with my brother, and uncle (who lived with my family for 6 months and had bipolar and schizophrenia). But i can't actually SAY "i've been molested" or anything..because i dont really remember any specific time.
Also, when i get start getting too close to guys, or i'm intimate with them..it's really hard for me. I feel uncomfortable and dirty. I dont know..it's weird. and hard to explain..but i feel as if something has happened.
I also struggle with depression, anxiety (general and social), EDNOS, and i have phobias of being raped/molested/kidnapped.

[ 11-16-2008, 09:44 PM: Message edited by: illremembersun ]

Posts: 2 | From: california | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
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It is possible to suppress memories, yes. Are you seeing a therapist or counselor for the depression and anxiety? If so, this is something you may want to bring up in a session. If you aren't seeing a therapist, would you like some help in finding one near you?

Another possible reason for feeling uncomfortable around guys may be if you grew up being taught that sex was negative, or if you are not ready yet for sex when you find yourself in a situation where sex comes up that can also make you feel uncomfortable. For the time being, until you get this sorted out, I would suggest holding off on physical intimacy if it is making you feel uncomfortable. You can still be intimate with partners in nonsexual ways, like cuddling, though if that's also uncomfortable for you then it might be something to avoid, at least until you process all of this.

As for the phobia, sometimes that can arise from a specific event that has happened either to you or someone you know. Has anyone you know ever been raped or molested or kidnapped that you know of? Did your parents or siblings tell you stories about those things happening to people a lot when you were growing up? Also, a phobia is defined as a strong, persistent, and unwarranted fear of some specific object or situation. When you experience this fear, do you feel it is unwarranted? For instance, when you are sitting and watching TV in your own home or doing something in a place where you normally should feel safe, do you suddenly have that fear?

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
illremembersun
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Yeah, i'm seeing a therapist. But I only see him once every other month..and he's a pretty horrible therapist. So my mom is looking for a new one for me.

I was raised to wait until marriage to have sex, but not that it was necessarily bad. It depends on the person, but sometimes cuddling is extremely uncomfortable. Or some days i feel really uncomfortable or dirty (only word i can think of?)..and the thought of people's (female or male) genitals just grosses me out and i won't touch anyone. My own body even grosses me out on those types of days.

Nope, i've never known anyone that has been raped or molested or kidnapped. My dad does worry sometimes about me going certain places by myself, so sometimes he's a little overprotective. But no one really ever tells me stories about those types of things happening. Most people know i'm extremely scared of that happening so they try not to talk about it in front of me.

Yeah, i feel my phobia is EXTREMELY unwarranted. I'm scared to walk into any room if it's dark. Actually..even if the light is on, sometimes i'm scared to go in alone. And every night before i go to sleep i HAVE to check under my bed, and in my closet to make sure no one is hiding in there. And even after i check in those places, i'm still scared someone is hiding somewhere in my room. I'm always paranoid someone is always watching or following me. Also when i go out in public, and see just a random guy that i may think is scary; i automatically think that he wants to molest, rape, or kidnap me. The list goes on with strange things i'll do because of my phobia. But to put it simply.. I'm scared just to be in my home..because i think someone is hiding in a room just to do something bad to me.

[ 11-16-2008, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: illremembersun ]

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orca
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If you want, I could look up some therapists in your area (though perhaps your mother is looking for ones that are covered by your specific insurance plan). Otherwise, you may want to give your mom a little nudge to remind her. Have you spoken to your parents about these fears and about the possibility of repressed memories?

One thing you may want to work on until you can get in to see a different therapist are some coping/grounding techniques. If you're by yourself when you start to have those fears, do you have someone you can call who can come over or at least talk to you, like a friend or family member? If you're by yourself in public, you can go to a security guard for help, say if you need someone to walk you to your car. When you start feeling scared like that, you might also try focusing on something concrete, a physical object in the room, and remind yourself that you are safe (I know it sounds corny, but it really can work if you repeat it over and over to yourself). Coloring books can sometimes be good distractions, too. You may also want to note when these fears occur. Do they happen at certain times of day or in certain places? Do they happen when you are stressed or feeling a certain way? If you can discover what triggers those fears, then you can start to learn how to avoid those triggers.

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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Kazi
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umm, hi, i actually know how you feel, seriously, i feel exactly the same way, but the one difference is that i KNOW why, i WAS sexually abused by my father when i was young, i don't have any memories of it, partially cause i was young and partially cause i blocked them out. but i feel bad when i get close to ppl too, and any thought of my own body grosses me out just as much as anothers. i can't stand physical contact with another, i'm so bad that i can't even stand the feel of my own skin, like when i touch my face, or my legs rub against each other, i wear long pants so i don't have to feel my skin.

i can't even give hugs to ppl or anything cause i get freaked out.

and i have seen a counsellor in the past several times, but they said i didn't need counseling and discontinued my sessions. (mainly the reason for that is because i never feel comfortable talking about this to ppl in rl, it's always easier to talk to ppl you dunno and whom you will never meet, at least in my opinion)

but i think your best bet is to talk to a counsellor, and maybe if you can try and do a few mental excercises (meditations) and try to remember better what happened, it will really help you get over these things if you can remember.

i'm getting better at this too, but i am because of someone i love dearly helping me through this.

[ 12-07-2008, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: Kazi ]

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i'm just me, don't try to change me, don't say i'm wrong living life my own way.

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Stephanie_1
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Kazi: It can certainly be difficult to talk to people in person, but something to remember is that sometimes if you want to seek out counselling it does take a bit of trial and error. Not everyone will meet a counselor they're comfortable talking to right off the bat. If counseling is something you're still wanting to try, we can assist you in finding someone in your area that you might be more comfortable talking to.

You're likely right in saying that while you felt you needed some help the counselors didn't because it was difficult for you to open up to them. If you aren't comfortable talking with a counselor, it's very difficult for him/her to really understand what's going on, especially because that leaves them with so little to go on. A large part of really successful sessions depends upon being comfortable enough to talk about what you want them to help you with.

One thing to note though, is that where orca stated about grounding techniques - that was more for an in the moment solition to individual triggers. If this is an instance where illremembersun has supressed memories, there's a reason for her mind blocking them right now. Our minds go into a protective mode with things that at this point in time we may just not be able to handle. It's a great defense mechanism. We really don't want to encourage rying to remember such things before finding a new counselor, that's something that a trained counselor would be able to A assist in doing and B be sure that it's a safe environment and where she has someone to talk to about what she's remembering.

[ 12-07-2008, 05:29 PM: Message edited by: Stephanie_1 ]

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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